Proud moment

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Daughter had a birthday party for a kid she knows from school yesterday at the hellish place with the giant mouse, too much noise, and too many people (unfortunately, not Disney! LOL). A number of things happened that would have normally sent her into a major meltdown. She still has a really hard time with birthday parties and if they do not go as planned, she either has a meltdown or shut down, so they are very tenuous for me. I was surprised by how well she handled everything. She actually handled the "variances" better than I think most kids her age would.

First of all, she accidentally left the present at home, so we had to go back and get it, which resulted in her being late. She was absolutely fine with it. She didn't even freak out when we realized the present was left behind.

But the next one was the biggest one: From previous trips she had saved about 750 points worth of slips of paper that can be turned in for toys at the end. She also had probably 800 tickets that she hadn't changed in for paper slips yet. I asked her how she would feel about keeping the paper slips and giving the tickets to the birthday boy. I could tell by her face she was not too sure about doing it, but I asked her how excited would she feel to get something as special as all of those tickets on her birthday? So, she decided--on her own-- that it would make her friend really happy and she willingly--cheerfully, even--gave them to him. She felt really good about how happy he was.

Then the worst thing happened. I lost the paper slips. The ones with the 750 points that she had been saving up over numerous trips.

I was totally braced for the shrill screams that were about to commence as I told her I lost them. I knew we would have to leave right away.

And the most unprecedented thing happened. She looked at me and said "It's OK. I know you didn't do it on purpose." And that was the end of it.

Who is this child and what did you do with my daughter?

I pulled her aside a little while later and told her how proud I was of how well she handled all of the unexpected things that evening. I asked her why she didn't cry about the lost tickets and she said that at school they had talked about the difference between wants and needs and that the tickets were just a "want" and therefore not worthy of crying over, especially because it was an accident.

A day later, I am still speechless.

And very. Very. Proud.

Wow! That is really huge! I am proud of her, too.

Thanks!

I was secretly happy to see she was the only girl from her class who was invited. All the boys and only her. She does have that kind of "cool" vibe to 7-8 year old boys. She likes bugs and playing Pokemon, so even though she wears a skirt or dress to school everyday, they still see her as someone who can hang!

Wow. That is impressive. I know exactly what place you are speaking of, and I (am NT) go into sensory overload immediately when we walk into that place. I can barely handle it. The flashing lights, the music, all the game noises, the screaming kids everywhere... It is like a birthday nightmare on steroids.

My guy has a really hard time at birthday parties. He doesn't get invited much, though. He always, always has meltdowns at parties.

Sounds like a major success.

Yep! You know the place!

My daughter doesn't get invited very often either. She seems to be ok with the number she is invited to, though, so I try not to let myself think too much about it. And to be honest, in the past I kind of dreaded them anyway. Never a good outcome. Have had to leave more than one. When we used to live where all of the parents "knew" because she had a 1:1 aide in the classroom, it wasn't as bad. I'd usually just get sympathetic looks as we left. But now that we have moved and she is fully mainstreamed and usually well behaved in the classroom, we get a lot of "looks" when she has difficulty compensating in public.

But now we have had 2 successful birthday parties under our belts! The only "thing" that seems to be remaining is that even though she knows the kids, she becomes very withdawn, shy, and quiet. I think it confuses the kids a little because in the classroom she is usually a lot more comfortable, verbal, and interactive. Sometimes they try to talk to her and she just sits there. But I will take shy and quiet over melting down or completely withdrawing any day.

That's awesome that you have two successful birthdays in a row.

My son just gets really clingy to me at parties. He just finished Kindergarten, so the birthdays are still usually parent invite as well. He clings, then wanders into the action, has a meltdown over a kid accidentally bumping into him, he doesn't like the color of his balloon, he wanted punch and they handed him apple juice, he wanted to win the prize, etc. It always ends with him screaming and me carrying him out. Then, later, he'll open the goody bag and talk about what a nice party it was .

Hopefully, it will improve with age.

In kindergarten my daughter was awful at parties. She just finished 2nd grade this year, and both of the parties have been this summer. You are still on a good trajectory!

Wow, I'm impressed.
It's better than I would have done. =)

I hope so!

Check the basement for pods. But for real, she sounds like she's growing up. I hope you made a big deal of it to her that you were proud of how she did. That is positive reinforcement that she needs.

You are a great mom, and you got a great daughter. Kudos to both of you.

That is a truly fantastic story. Having one expectation after another overturned and STILL managing to keep her cool. Must be a great kid!

Yes, we'll done little inthistogether. You and she have every right to be proud, that's a lot of hard work paying off. Don't forget this day when the next crappy one hits, two steps forward one step back...but always heading in the right general direction.

That's the key for me. And one of the things that I find hardest. I sometimes feel like I have a hard time fully enjoying the good days because I am waiting for the other shoe to fall, yet at the same time, I sometimes feel like I am hit extra hard by the bad days because we have so many good ones. <sigh> Such is life on the spectrum!