New here...what distinguishes a quirky kid from an AS kid?

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Hi all, my 7 yo son has some signs of having AS but also some for ADHD. We have an appt to have him evaluated next week. My question is, what makes certain behaviors indicative of AS, and not just a quirky kid? Is there a severity/frequency that the doctors look for? Or just a bunch of symptoms all lumped together?

He does have some social difficulty, he doesn't know what to say in certain situations (like saying thank you or being afraid to answer if another kid gives a compliment). He has meltdowns, bangs himself into walls and will not drop the subject if he wants something. He also repeats scenes from movies, and talks about star wars and pokemon a lot. He has been having periods of shutting down at school, he says he's tired and will lie down on the floor by his desk. He is getting social and speech therapy and probably handwriting OT soon. Needless to say, I'm very anxious to hear what the psychiatrist says... I just want to know how to help him, and deal with him. I feel like the world's suckiest mom sometimes. I don't know if I am being too hard on him sometimes, or not enough. It's hard to know if he's having a tantrum or if it's something related to his problems.

Anyone have any advice for a first timer?

For a medical diagnosis there are specific critera the person doing the diagnosis will look for. Scroll down a little on this page: http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/aswhatisit.html for just one list. And I think it really varies from doctor to doctor as to how flexible they'll be on the diagnosis. My son has an Asperger's diagnosis but I'm sure there are doctors who would argue that he doesn't really totally fit the diagnosis.

Personally, I think the diagnosis is just a starting point to begin to understand a person. It can be helpful in creating a framework and getting a sense of where to start helping a child navigate through the world. And in order to qualify for special services, it's hugely helpful to have a diagnosis of some kind.

I'm not super knowledgeable about the diagnosis stuff, but I'm sure more educated people on this forum will give you more info if you need it!

As for being the worst mom in the world, I think we all feel that way more often than we'd admit. Parenting is hard and parenting a child whose behaviors you don't understand just makes it more difficult. I'm sure you're a loving and compassionate parent or else you wouldn't be trying to help. You wouldn't be here trying to figure out what's going on. Give yourself some credit; you've got a hard job here!

Thanks, killer cupcake. I feel a bit better being able to vent in a place where people understand. It's interesting that AS is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. My oldest guy who is 9 is mild ADHD with sensory issues. But-he has some social issues too. Hmmm. Not that we would be doing anything differently with him right now, but something to think about, anyway. It should be interesting to see what develops with our youngest (5 yo girl). She seems to have some trouble with handwriting, but at 5 that may be pretty common still.

My 6 year old son has both an AS and ADHD diagnosis plus SID and I really think they go hand-in-hand for him. None of them describe him entirely but put together you get the big picture of who he is and how his brain functions. Sometimes he looks like a classic ADHD kid when really he's reacting to some sensory input and it's overarousing him. I think it's difficult to pick it all apart, but we humans like to try!

It's interesting when you start looking at different abilities in kids you can't stop. I think it's pretty common for parents whose kids are diagnosed with some disorder/syndrome/delay to start over-analyzing everything else that happens. For me, I know it's hard for me to remember what the benchmarks are for development. Just today I was helping in my son's class and realised that half his classmates were shouting out answers instead of raising their hands like they're supposed to do. I'm so accustomed to seeing his impulsive behavior as part of his particular brain make-up I sort of forget that some of what he does it totally age-appropriate. Sometimes you just need a little reality check, you know?

That's the same as my son. His primary dx is AS but he also shows signs of ADHD. His other dx are SID, OCD, and extreme anxiety. For us, I parent on gut instinct. Years before I knew what title would fit my son, I instinctively knew what his needs were. I knew that cracking down on him harder in the discipline department was not going to curb his meltdowns, it would only increase them. I knew that trying to please extended family by staying out past his bedtime was asking for a disaster because it would take him 3 days to get back on routine again. I figured out that lining up the shoes heel to toe in one big long line in the front hall seem to make him feel more calm so I left them (even though I preferred them to be side by side, matched in pairs). All the little things about him I figured out by paying attention to what seemed important to him and what felt right to me. We struck a balance.

Your son laying down in the middle of class sounds a lot like my son when he was 7 (he's now 8 ). It was because the work combined with all of the outside stimuli was physically exhausting for him and he HAD to lay down. It wasn't an intentional behavioural problem, it was a need. Once they recognized this and gave him a quieter place to do his work, he was fine! My son also struggles with writing using paper/pencil because he has weak fine motor skills so he types all of his work on the computer. He's still doing what he needs to do and he KNOWS how to use a pencil, but if he can be more productive by using a computer, why not?

As you figure out more about your child from a medical standpoint, you'll have a more defined objective in terms of what to research, what services to look for etc. But above all else, listen to your gut because you know your child best.

Last edited by CelticGoddess on 01 Feb 2007, 10:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If your daughter wears a dolls dress on her head. (seriously.. I used to do that)

we were convinced that our daughter was/is an aspie, but her testing came out ADHD~hyperactive , impulsive type...still not really convinced that she's just ADHD, but am dealing with it. both my son and hubby are dxed aspie, though. being around all the "quirkiness", i guess it's hard to tell what's what. around here, quirky is normal.

In my own opinion being AS, the main issue is information processing difficulties and the behavioural reward system in the brain is wired entirely differently. AS get more stimulation from things then people, many AS guys are in fact punished by their minds psychological reward/punishment system when engaging in social interaction, in short it taxes their minds... more insight and information can be gained from my thread here:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ce0ebb6f0c

Sometimes, it seems very little.

I guess we're in the clear then! She has some very good imaginary play going on. I'll be interested to see if she has any attention problems, as I did in school, and hubby did too, so it's all over the family history.

That is exactly why I asked. Far from normal around here too.

Hi, Im sure you are a great mom, i feel like the worst mom sometimes myself. I have an 8 year old with aspergers but he was diagnosed with adhd first. My son has a great deal of anxiety as well , and wont give up if he wants something and if i say no. He is very very head strong and never gives up i try to be consistent but i usually end up giving in from me being so exausted from dealing with the sitution, it could go on for hours. he also shuts down at school and says he is too tired he has a student assistant who works with him she trys to encourage him to go on with his work but it doesnt always work, he doesnt like to go anywhere outside so i am at home alot with him, it gets very tough sometimes but i do my best. He is a great kid and he cant help a lot of his behaviors so i try to deal with them the best way i know how. your son sounds a lot like mine i think you should go for the diagnosis it will benefit him in school. When my son was diagnosed with adhd there was no assistance at school but with the aspergers he has a lot more help which makes his life a lot easier and he shows less anxiety at school.