Non Stop Meltdowns

Post Reply New Topic

And we are all so stressed out.

We had a friend's kid staying here for a few days. My older son's friend. My friend's other son is in the hospital, I was helping her out. The disruption (though he is gone now) has sent my younger son into full blown, non stop meltdown mode. He is demanding things like ice cream/ toys, then losing it when I say "we can't do that right now". He kicks and hits and tries to fall backwards onto the ground. He finally calms down, then demands something else.

I wish I had a clue what to do.

Sorry to hear that. Instead of saying, "we CAN'T" how about saying, "after dinner, yes" or "tomorrow, for sure" etc

Thanks, ASDsmom. I do try that, it seems it doesn't matter how I say it. Actually, to the ice cream request, I answered "after dinner", but he lost it saying he needed it now. I said "dinner is very soon, then we can get ice cream after." But, it doesn't seem to make a difference. He seems to just need to find a reason to let loose. He also doesn't seem to understand what I am saying when he gets like this. He can't process it or something.

having another person in the house is very stressful, it really stresses me out and im an adult

Yes, I know. He doesn't do well with any kind of change. He was like this at the beginning of the summer. Even though he does not like school, the sudden change was too much. He will also do this when school starts up again. Last year, when school started, it went on for a couple of months. He does not have an ASD diagnosis. He has only been evaluated by the school system who say he has social/ emotional delays, pragmatic speech issues, motor skill delays. Every year, he melts down at school for the first couple of months. Then he gets better, then a vacation happens and it starts again, then he does better. Every year they tell me he is outgrowing his delays because he is doing better at the end of the year, then a change happens and it starts again. Some of the staff at school have mentioned he may be ASD. I am trying to get him evaluated outside the school system.

I normally would not agree to watch another kid for a few days because of this. But, my friend's other son has cancer and is barely hanging on. I felt her needs trumped all others at the moment.

I get why he is so upset. I just wish I had more tools to cope/ help him cope.

Could you work on a schedule with him each morning and again each evening? Get him to tell you one thing he would like to do the next day and schedule it in, then add in the things you have to do with the other child.

If he starts asking for something, either put it on the schedule somewhere or lead him over to the schedule and point to what is on it for right now.

j.

Good idea. That seems like it may work. It will also give him a sense of being in charge, he really likes to feel that he is in charge.

Thank you.

You know, in those situations we have been known to batten down the hatches and just ride it out, but I think postcards is on the right track: you have bumped up against your child's rigidity, and trying to re-establish some kind of sense in his world may help. Basically, all his "markers" for how the world works have been tossed out, and while I feel your pain, I can't blame the little guy for freaking out, either.

This is a really good article explaining what it looks like for the kid when things change suddenly: http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/ ... utism.html

Another thing that a parent suggested that helped us: giving DS squares of bubble wrap to pop when he was ramping up to a meltdown (we used it to get him into the car before school.) Sensory feedback like fidgets and chewies sometimes help kids keep calm when they feel like the world is totally out of control.

If he rejects the schedule, I would try to be flexible with him. He may have an idea of what he needs to calm himself, without being able to express it. If you see him seeking out or avoiding certain things, try to bear that in mind when you construct his schedule.

Thanks for all the responses.

Momsparky, I will definitely try the bubble wrap. He loves bubble wrap. Thanks for that article.


ASDMommyASDKid,

He woke up today saying he has a fever. He doesn't, but that is always his way of saying that he wants to stay home today. So, we will stay home today and let him decompress a little.

I'm going to let him guide the day today, It's been (probably to him) all about his brother and the friend for the last few days and he probably needs to feel like he is more in control.


I am also going to take more note of what he is seeking/ avoiding for sensory feedback in general. This way I will know what will help calm him more. He was asking for a lot of hugs yesterday. He often wants really tight hugs towards the end of a meltdown (but not during). I will have to be a 'sensory detective'.

I do have a learning curve. That's why I'm here.

My son would have constant meltdowns too. These have lessened lately and I'm not sure if it's due to his growing older (that prefontal cortex growth can surely help) or the changes that I've implemented.

One thing that is general for kids but even moreso for kids on the spectrum is that they are stress sponges. So, if they get upset about something, they will pick up on your mood and sense your stress and it will avalanche from there. I notice that if I stay "light" about things even if he doesn't, he responds much better. As soon as he sees/senses me tense up or hears it in my voice getting sterner, he has a harder time rebounding. So, I have to pretend I'm a cartoon or TV character and put on a smile and keep going about my day, not making it more than it is. This is not always the case, but largely helps in 85% of the situations. It is very hard for me to do because I'm just a serious type of person, but I know it is important. Sometimes you have to make the face (smile) and let the feelings follow.

Thanks. Yes, I let my buttons get pushed pretty easily. I'll try to be more objective.

I didn't realize how significantly my reaction affected him because I used to believe he didn't care one way or the other, but it turns out to be not the case at all. So, I'm still firm with him but won't let his reactions put me in a bad or worse mood. So if he's throwing something, I will firmly take his hands, make eye contact with him, and say "No Throwing", and then smile and redirect his attention to something else, like "Hey! Did you tell your dad about the cool thing we saw yesterday..." It took me years to figure that out. I still don't always get it right, but when I remember to, it often works.

Right. We bumped into a mom I know yesterday while he was in full meltdown mode, and she did help calm him down by getting him to talk about his scooter. He likes her, and it worked for a minute.

Glad I have all of you here. Mostly (except for a few supportive friends) I just get a lot of judgement here about his tantrums. Almost all of the moms I know have NT kids and don't get it.

I get really stressed if people come to my house. I would much rather go to other peoples houses.

Me too.