General Parents Queries #2

Post Reply New Topic

I wrote a paragraph a couple of weeks ago on a similar topic so I thought I'd add to it with this second part.

So, I'm 18, male and from the UK.

I have one month (hopefully) until I leave to go to University. I am overwhelmed by the negativity placed towards me by my family. Everything I seem to say is wrong or not a good enough answer or stupid or rubbish. I don't like leaving the house because I'm not comfortable with my body image. I just get put down by my whole family. They all wish I didn't have Asperger's so badly, it seems - they all seem to think I can change instantly because (i quote from my family) 'everyone else that's normal can) I end up swearing as my resort for emphasis and my family don't like that. My sister (is 21) is involving and puts down my hobbies and career choice as if it were a game to her. My parents take no notice. My Brother is so aggressive all the time (he's 15 but 2 inches taller than me) and he seems to think with his height and his aggression that he can control me but it doesn't work and thus increases his aggression. My Dad does nothing to help, he's in his own world all the time, he's the king of it, and seems to think he is of the real world as well. My mother just goes about and agrees with everyone, puts me down and tells me I'm wrong no matter what I've said. They all keep telling me that I'm not going to make any friends in University and that everyone will hate me and that I'm fat.

Another thing I'd like to point out, although not relevant; is that my siblings have everything paid for by my parents but as soon as I even hint at wanting something, they say they haven't got any money or that I have to pay for half. I want a new computer as mine is old and dying? I have to pay for it. My sister wants one and miraculously my parents are able to afford a new one for her no matter how bitchy and angry she was at my parents the night beforehand. As soon as I even remotely say something 'bad' all hell breaks loose and the blame is all piled on my shoulders and I lose any sort of privilege (even if my parents hadn't told me about it, so a potential privilege). I'm not even sure what I want because I really don't like my family. They want me gone and I want to go. They aren't violent or anything but they just don't want me as a person. They don't want to help me and they only want me to be happy from what they've done. Nothing I do is good enough; not even my music (I want to be a music teacher, but my sister informed me that I can't do that because I'm not good enough or not as good as some other people) and I don't know what to do. I'll be going to University for nothing but I still can't wait for the escape.

First off, I am very sorry your family is so horrible.

As for anything constructive, unfortunately I don't have anything other than take advantage of the time you have away from them and do not engage them. I know you don't want to leave the house, but regardless of bad body image they instilled in you, I really think it is in your best interest to be away from them as much as possible. They sound really toxic. You are just going to have to resign yourself to the fact that they are bullies and stay away. I do not live in the U.K, so do not know what is available through N.H.S, but I would avail myself of whatever services you can access to get therapy and a better self-image.

Also, when you are gone to Uni, I would see if you can stay there over breaks. If your parents refuse to pay for things for you, then I would look at that as leverage they do not have over you.

Don't tell toxic people your dreams as they will just spit on them. Do not engage them in conversation if you can avoid it. Do your best to stay out of their line of fire.

hmm

I don't know if you have ever had any counseling from a professional familiar with AS issues but if you have not, maybe that is something you could seek out when you go to University. More and more schools are learning that they need to provide such support for students on the spectrum. Take advantage of any support that might be offered at your school. I am sure that you are an intelligent and capable person who just needs to shed the toxic environment you seem to be in. Many people grow up in households where there is no support, where emotional and/or physical abuse are rampant and yet many of these folks find their way through life despite having a rough start. You can too! Reach out for help, it is out there!

All I want is for my family to get it but they don't.