Need advice on dealing w/teacher + the politics of it all!

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My son (AS with some ADHD and sensory issues) is 6 and halfway through his second year of Kindergarten. Last year was awesome, we had a teacher who was very aware of AS issues and did a lot to support him through the year. Communication was excellent too. I had no idea how spoiled I was!

This year we've got a very traditional, old fashioned teacher who doesn't seem to get it at all. We had an IEP meeting in Oct. and I got the feeling she hadn't even read his IEP. She didn't seem to get why he acted the way he did. She seemed to be functioning on the assumption that he was "misbehaving" on purpose. And now it's almost February and I don't think she gets it any more than she did in October.

Academics are fine, but the social stuff is causing problems. He occasionally has part of or all of his recess taken away for inappropriate behavior. In some cases I have agreed with her decision to do that, but in other situations it's clear that she's not explaining to my son WHY he's getting recess taken away. It seems to me she's treating him like a NT student which, for reasons we all know, doesn't work.

In addition to that, I don't get any kind of note or anything when something happens. If it happens and my son happens to mention it, I hear it. A simple note in his backpack would be so helpful, just letting us know something happened so we can talk to him about it. In the past I've sent notes to her saying exactly that but she hasn't sent any communication home when issues have come up.

My next step would be to talk to her in person but I'm so angry I'm almost afraid to do that. I'm afraid I'll make things worse. So I'm thinking I need to get in touch with someone else at the school ... the special ed director? The school psychologist?

Ultimately, I'd love to exchange notes with his aide who is in the classroom with him the whole day, but I'm not sure how to approach her without going through the teacher. And if I do that, how do I navigate the politics of it all?

Should I just bite the bullet and go talk to the teacher directly? What would you do?

Hi.

My son is 6 and in Sk as well (with AS). Same as your situation really. Last year was great this year not so great. We're very fortunate to have a great teacher and his EA is wonderful as well. IF I were you I would call the school and ask for a team meeting. This would include the teacher, teachers aide (EA) and SERT (Special Ed Resource Teacher) it sounds like his IEP has been thrown out the window, he shouldn't be receiving punishment for his behaviours. I always tell people that my son does not need to be "dealt" with but needs help coping there is a big difference and the teacher is responsible for recognizing the signs and helping him along. You can also add to your defence that asking him to sit out during recess is a complete contradiction to any goals they have set for him in the first place. This is the time of day where he is given most opportunity to explore his social skills and by taking this time away they're doing more harm than good. Don't ever be afraid to approach the schools with your concerns. He's your son and you know him best. If we as parents don't advocate for our kids nobody will. Best of luck and keep intouch!

I agree a team meeting is in order and add to his IEP you need notification the same day a disciplinary action is taken and what the exact details are surrounding the incedent. I don't think all children are perfectly behaved and even aspie children can misbehave and be "disciplined" but "fresh mouth" etc should be handled from an aspie view as usually they are just speaking how they feel and not intending the disrespect etc...anway long winded I know...call a team meeting, modify the IEP to be more detailed with what can and can't be disciplined and that you need immediate notification, a note home, a phone call, an email, a text message, a voice message etc.
Also, if they violate his IEP, remind them that is breaking the law, because it is. That IEP is in place to protect him and to establish a safe and constructive learning environment....remind them of the child with a disability act ( if you are state side) and that it is illegal to ignore, disregard and or modify the CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENT of the IEP.

Tee Tee, I never thought of the IEP is a legal document...thanks for pointing that out. Although, being from Canada who knows what the deal is. Thanks all the same!

Well, I would think it is a legal document there. Check out business law and contract law in Canada and see.

Will do!

Thanks for the input. I scheduled a team meeting and am working on whipping up my anger so I can focus on what he needs that he's not getting. I'm sort of realising that this teacher needs very clearly explained strategies. I think we all thought she'd get clued in after the first IEP meeting, but obviously that's not the case. I think it needs to be more clearly spelled out ... funny that, considering aspies are the ones who are supposed to need clear rules.

Good stuff, let us know how everything works out. And remember...stick to your guns!

It's a legal document in Canada too! I live just outside Toronto too.

I can only give a analogue situation for me and my ex.

Situation: 6 y son dissapears from kindergarten and pre-school.
Teachers: "Well, he's probably around here somewhere"
Parents: Found him counting cars with blue colour outside school. Parental Killing Spree factor +10 with +30 bonus on teachers with lack of mouth to say "we need help here".

Situation: 8 y son dissapears from school yard.
Teachers: Well aware of his pecularities, they find him in about 15 seconds in the roof (yes, the roof) of a toilet. He just wanted to get a quiet moment. (This kid is VERY aware of having both a severe ADHD and Asperger's so he just avoids conflicting situations)

Situation: 10 y daughter gets meltdown in school.
Teachers: gave her 5 minutes free without intervention when she locked herself into the toilet, then gave a 30 second warning about opening the door, opened the door, but instead of dragging her out just hugged her and talked about what went wrong. Without other intervention. This is a teacher that has noticed that she isn't stupid but needs special care. But she's allowed to, with help if so needed, remove our daughter from toilet.

Just a couple of bits in life.

Well being the kind of aspie I am I would make a meeting with the head and any social workers etachers aids etc and I say Look my son isnt NT and I am disguted that you cant understand that, perhaps you should advise some stfaf training theres a good book by simon barohn cohen called autsim the facs if they cant be trained maybe you could get the book and show them the pictures of brain scans that rae in it, which show the distict diffrences between a NT rain and an autsim brain if she dosnt understand that she shouldnt be a teacher beacuse in my opnion she must be pretty stupid.

I feel your pain. I was in the same situation.

I have a 6 year old who was dx with ADHD since he was 3, seizures at 2 and was just dx with aspergers yesterday. We have had the IEP issues. I started the IEP process when he was 4 years old in preschool and did not get him on one until he was 6 and in the first grade and only then by luck. Kindergarter was a waste for him. The teacher figured out there was an issue in Feb when I demanded an IEP. The school "didn't have time until June", 2 weeks before school was out. Yes, I know this is illegal. The issues just went on and on. The school is all about test scores and my son was not helping them out, so he was an outcast. We kept him there for 1st grade(I demanded that he promote, he is not stupid, he has AS) and by Thanksgiving it got so bad, we pulled him. THE BEST MOVE I HAVE MADE IN SIX YEARS!!

We took him to a small school in the county, 25 miles from my home. My husband and his entire family, my son is the 4th generation to go to this school, have all grown up there. It is a K-8 with 120 kids. My sons class has 13 other kids, his teacher and a full time assistant (not for him, she is for the class) and this is a public school. His old school was glad to get rid of him and the new one has embraced him with open arms. I guess it helps that my husband has known a majority of the staff since he was born, but my son has excelled so much there.

His resource teacher knows how to make him learn. She rewards him daily, weekly & monthly. He earns school dollars all over campus. When he shares he earns, goes to resource he earns, eats a good lunch, you get the idea. He earns money from every part of the school and gets to spend his money on Fridays, and if he saves for something big, he still gets a pencil for saving. This teaches them, without them even knowing that it is occuring. It's positive attention, not the negative. They are not punished.

The communication is great. My son missed this last week of school due to 2 dr appts and a MASSIVE MELT DOWN, which led to the dx of AS on Friday. His teacher was concerned. She knew we had a dr appt on monday, but when he was not in school tues or wed, even though she was told by the office why, she called me. We had a long chat about what was going on and she is actually concerned about my son and his needs. I can say that she is not the most outgoing person I know, very careful at first with every word, now, all I see is genuine concern for my son and his needs. I could not wish for anything better. Someone who CARES makes all the difference for a child and their family.

Sorry, so long. But do not let them walk all over you or your son. If you don't fight for him NO ONE WILL!! ! You have got to stand your ground and demand they follow the IEP. If that does not work, as in my case, look into other options. I know that it is 100 miles a day for us to travel, but it's my son and his needs come first. You may find out there is someone or a school that is more than willing to meet all his needs.

Just a side note, at my son's school the principal/superintendent stands outside and personally greats each child and their parents by name each morning. I have not seen her miss a morning yet. She also is on the playground at every recess and at lunch. I have been told that she schedules all her day's events around these times and will not miss a morning or a lunch for a meeting. It is refreshing to see that she is concerned and cares about each child that is entrusted to her each day.

There are good people out there!! You may need to search for the people you can trust with your son. Once you find them you will never leave and neither will he. Live is so much easier when you can relax and know that all his needs are met when he gets out of the car each day.

Good Luck!!

This is so incredibly true! My son was at an awful school last year and he spent most of his mornings hiding under his desk because he was so overstimulated. It was tragic. Of course I stepped in and demanded changes. This year he's at a new school (An Aspergers class who's goal is to mainstream) and his teacher and support staff are a dream. He understand AS, they are proactive, supportive and encouraging. He's thriving at his new school (it's public) and I couldn't be happier because I know that he's in capable hands and when I drop him off, I won't be getting a call to come pick him up because he's having a tough day (the old school called me every day). His new staff can handle it.

Hi, ajpmom,
What kind of seizures does your child have mine has them too and he is aspergers, he has his in his sleep he vomits and wets himself and twitches and then becomes unresponsive for a period of time.Please let me know and we can talk further. Thanks

Diana

daisydiana,

I send you a PM with more info. What your son is doing is the "typical" actions of a seizure.

But for everyone else, he has both grand-mal (now tonic-clonic) and peti-mal or partial seizures. He is on meds.