How do you help your child wih inappropriate laughter?

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My son is really having a hard time dealing with inappropriate laughter. I know that it is a symptom, but it is a recent development. We haven't started any therapies with him yet, so we are kind of muddling through until the IEP is done, and insurance tells us what they will/won't cover. At his school they have a ridiculous behavior color scale, he is already on a modified version, but really hard for him to fall into their proscribed expectations (come on IEP!). This is the third time he has come home on 'red' for inappropriate laughter. The past two times he was laughing when other kids were goading him into it (to get him in trouble), today it was for laughing when another child got the answer wrong. We explain to him that we understand it is hard for him to keep it under control, but we also need him to understand that it isn't socially acceptable to laugh at others. Thanks!

Wow, isn't it sad when you can get in trouble for being happy?

When I was a kid, I drove people crazy making fart noises incessantly.

Was it my fault grownups have no sense of humor? I think not.

It would be a much happier world, if only everyone could freely revel in the sensory joy of the Linguolabial Trill.

Why does the school have an "inappropriate behavior code"? I can understand it for bullying, fighting, swearing and stuff that is oppositional toward other kids. Or like sexual behavior. Why would "inappropriate" laughter be seen as part of that and why does he have to "learn that it's wrong"? It's not like he's beating someone up. I smell an ADA violation. That's really bad... imagine if behaving like an LGBT person or using sign language was seen as 'inappropriate' or something.

FWIW, I'm an adult that bursts out laughing when I'm crossing the street for reasons I don't even know. I head bang, flap, toe walk, can't speak on some days, and sometimes roll on the ground because I'm having a meltdown. But look, I'm functional, I have a job, university degree, pay market rate rent.... even if I didn't get on well at special ed with the 'behavior modification systems'. I don't see how this is productive... all I see is discrimination.

The school needs to be made aware of the fact that other kids are goading him into laughter to get him in trouble.

Aside from being one of my pet peeves, that's bullying and it IS NOT OK.

The school also needs to understand that, for now, it is something he cannot help. Punishing him isn't going to do any good. And anyway, some of those wrong answers are HUMOROUS. I think it would be sufficient for him to simply apologize-- and not a formal apology, either. Just a quick "Oops, soory."

Good Lord. People laugh when they're nervous. People laugh when they're upset. People laugh when somthing's funny, even if it's not a good time to laugh. Just watch people suppressing giggles when my kids get into the jar of marshmallow creme...

He does need to understand when it's inappropriate, and why. Talking about it will be sufficient, if patience can be had. There's no need to punish.

When my son was in public school, we had issues with this with the school (even when he was in special ed pre-k, mind you) Sometimes what he thought was funny was "mean" from an NT standard. (He would laugh when mistakes struck him as funny. He was not laughing at anyone--- just at the funny thing that happened, but NT kids get embarrassed so it was considered mean. It came out as though he were making fun of people. Also if the laughter interrupts lessons and/or is too loud, that is an issue. Anything that disrupts class is an issue.

I tried to explain it, to him, but he didn't understand. It was a bigger deal when less was going on. When it was eclipsed by more severe behavioral issues, then they didn't bother me about it too much. Ironically I tried to fix it on my end when I realized that he was probably doing this based on things he was laughing about at home as he recounted snippets of his day. He was not able to understand, as he genuinely was laughing not at the person.

Turns out, I found out at the very last IEP meeting we had, that he was being punished for it, despite all the other junk going on, They just did not complain to me about that particular behavior or even let me know. He had very little understanding why he was being punished unless it was really obvious, and by then he was in meltdown.

I hate our school district, so much, and my hatred has not abated, even after I started homeschooling him.

If the laughter is genuine, how can he possibly stop it? That's like ordering someone to stop crying or stop hiccupping.
Maybe the other kids should stop giving ridiculous answers.

Right. The thing is they expect a ridiculous amount of impulse control from kids who cannot even manage age-appropriate impulse control. Of course I don't want my child to hurt other kids' feelings or anything. I felt bad about some of it, especially when he was in special-ed pre-k b/c those kids did have different types of issues than he did.

There were other kids to whom I frankly did not mind when this happened (later grades) because I had seen these kids laughing at my son about his stimming and luckily he was oblivious. I mean they would even do it when I was there, but then turn around and tattle on him to me about him previously laughing at one of the kids who had instigated that. I just told them that I would talk to him, but I would doubt he would stop doing it. They just looked at me in complete disbelief, but really, was I supposed to tell them I would straighten it out. I mean, he couldn't help it, as you say. He thought it was funny. And as I say, in my mind they had done worse to him, even if he did not realize it.

Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 01 Oct 2013, 3:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

my son laughs at inappropriate times, like if someone gets hurt, cries, etc...

I talked wih his teacher, and I found a good workbook called the Autism Acceptance book for his classmates. He mostly does well in the traditional classroom, and is just having an off week. We went over classroom expectations with him, and that while he understands that others have feelings getting him to relate to that is the difficulty. He can be painfully blunt, with everyone and anyone. I don't know that he realizes he is hurting feelings when he does it, npbut we will get there. Of course, not all teachers will be as understanding as his current teacher is, because she has a family member on the spectrum.

Mine does the same thing. There is not an iota of meanness in it.

He laughs when one of his sisters gets hurt the same way you laugh at slapstick comedy-- say, when Wile E. Coyote drops the safe on himself.

He does not laugh if they are hurt in ways that are not humorous. He wasn't laughing when DD4 ripped all the skin off her big toe, or when she dived under the shovel he was digging with and got hit with it (though I thought it was pretty darn funny; I would have laughed myself if I hadn't been imagining the scene that was going to ensue if I had to take her in for stitches).

He's laughing at the circumstances, not the injury. I have explained this to my girls; the 4 year old gets it, but the 12 year old does not.

I have had my best luck explaining, as a fact, that "This Is What People Will Think." There's no feelings about it. No try to relate, no look through their eyes. Just infomation-- This Is What People Will Think.

That doesn't help much with impulse control. The best I have come up with is to make him ashamed for not living up to the social expectation, so that he stops and is ashamed and apologizes. It seems very cruel-- as it does every time I have to teach a lesson that starts with, "It doesn't matter; nobody cares what you meant."

I wonder if it would kill people to learn to see the humor in their own mistakes and pratfalls. God knows my life has been better since I learned to do so-- and I have been encouraged to teach him to laugh rather than cry when he messes up. I am supposed to teach him to laugh at his own mistakes, or to show no emotion and expect no compassion... at the same time I have to teach him not to laugh at others' mistakes, to treat them with the tenderness and compassion that he must not expect?? Seems absurd-- or as if I am preparing him for a life as a second-class citizen.

I don't get it. Am I supposed to assume from this that when nts laugh it is a thing that they have consciously chosen to do? When I laugh it is generally a natural spontaneous reaction that I can't control, like sneezing. Sometimes I can hold it in but not always. Why would you punish someone for something that they can't control?

Hanyo,

Society expects people to utilize self-control over there emotions. Our kids tend to have less control over this (as in your sneezing example) but NTs apparently at a certain earlier point can control this kind of laughter, if they try. So, since NTs kids at whatever age can do it, they expect our kids to do so as well. Also our kids find humor in different places and it gets turned around and misconstrued. Weird humor is the worst because you can't even explain it to people without them thinking you are making it up.

People who are not used to the unusual laughter misinterpret as meanness or an affront to their authority depending on context.