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jaleb
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04 Jan 2007, 10:17 pm

My 6 year old son got off the bus today and I noticed he had some abrasions to his forehead and one under his eye. I didn't say anything at first because he gets upset if he has any injuries that he can see. (he wants to be normal again and will NOT wear a band-aid) So I let it go. Then later tonight he was in the bath tub and I noticed he had scratches on the back of his shoulder, so I asked him if he fell down or something and he said no, that a boy on the bus was "trying to kill him" ---his words, means he was fighting. My son sits in the FIRST seat on the bus, supposedly to make sure things like this doesn't happen. I asked him if he told the bus driver and he said no because he was afraid of the other boy being "banished from the bus" This isn't the first time he has had problems with this boy, but it is the first I have heard of any fighting. I am HOPING this is a one time incident. I WILL be talking to the bus driver in the morning. I just feel they don't take me seriously because my son is Asperger's and his disability isn't always obvious and I am just asking for special treatment. :(



Pandora
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04 Jan 2007, 11:25 pm

It would have served the other boy right if he were banished from the bus. Even if the bus driver couldn't have stopped the bus, he should have yelled at the other boy to stop.


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prism97
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04 Jan 2007, 11:27 pm

I'm sorry to hear about your son being victimized! What you might want to do besides talking to the bus driver (who might have biases of his own against the 'disabled') is draft a formal letter to the school administration, the school board & the bus company (one letter, copies to each). Keep a copy for your lawyer. If your son's back was scratched, perhaps (most likely) the bully raised his shirt or pulled it off. This won't stop unless you act firmly & quickly. The bully (I don't care if he's 6 or 7 too) will bwcomw wmboldened & next he will harass your son at lunch & recess. Your son deserves to enjoy his school experience as much as any other student. Schools often don't take bullying seriously unless a parent pressures them (hence so many victims taking on the task of revenge themselves!). The young bully might not even be aware of the gravity of his behaviour & might just think it makes him appear cool or tough in the eyes of his peers. The more he gets away with it, the more this belief will be reinforced. As an AS person myself, I understand how bullying makes us recede further into ourselves and makes us feel that the NT dominated world just isn't for us. Your son has to work harder than other NT kids to 'make it' in school with its heavily social emphasis. This is difficult enough without a bully on his back (who might have actually said 'I'll kill you" thinking he sounded cool. Good luck to you both!.



en_una_isla
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04 Jan 2007, 11:28 pm

The boy should be banished from the bus. You should file a police report, call the school, even threaten a lawsuit against the boy's parents (and the school and bus company too, while you're at it). Take your son to a doctor so that there is an official recognition of the incident (even if the dr visit makes him freak out). I am very serious about all this. Bullying is never a one-time incident. You are setting your son up for life unless you jump on this like a hawk.


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Pandora
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04 Jan 2007, 11:32 pm

Also, if you or someone you know has a digital camera, take some pictures of your son's injuries. If not a digital camera, then a regular camera will do. This kind of thing must be stopped asap or the boy will get other children to harass your son too.


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alex
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04 Jan 2007, 11:42 pm

Pandora wrote:
It would have served the other boy right if he were banished from the bus. Even if the bus driver couldn't have stopped the bus, he should have yelled at the other boy to stop.


not much the bus driver can do other than call the police. she isn't obligated to intervene.


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Claradoon
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05 Jan 2007, 12:48 am

Can your son learn self-defence? Sometimes they have mother-child classes.



ster
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05 Jan 2007, 6:35 am

so sad to hear about this....inform the bus company as well as the driver. the district has the responsibliity to transport your child in a safe manner, and if they cannot do this by transporting him on a bus with others, then they must provide alternate transportation



AspicViper
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06 Jan 2007, 4:36 pm

School buses these days often times have cameras. My bus driver never turned it on.



ster
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07 Jan 2007, 9:55 am

2 local bus drivers were just apprehended for sexually abusing developmentally disabled students on their bus ( 2 of which were non verbal)....they were only caught because of the video and audio system that was installed on their bus.



Chrisesmom
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08 Jan 2007, 2:16 am

I find that no one no matter how much you ask is going to look after your kid or care about your kid as much as you. The bus driver has dozens of kids on his bus and may not be able to keep an eye on the road and on the kids. As a mom who has driven with my two sons causing havoc in the back seat I know how distracting it can be to watch the kids and not get into an accident. You might want to consider driving him to school and picking him up yourself. Because my oldest son had AS I never allowed him to ride the the bus because children can be dangerous. I know one mom whose kid came off the bus brutally beaten. I just would rather play it safe, so I took him and picked him up. When the younger one started school I was already in the habit so I did it for both of them. I know some parents just can not fit it in their schedule but if you can, it would be the best possible solution. Both my sons are grown now but finished their school years never having to ride the bus.



JsMom
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08 Jan 2007, 1:07 pm

We have had difficulty with bullies over the years.

Once my son was pushed so hard into a soccer goal post, he had to go to the ER and have 14 stitches put into his forehead. DS refused to tell who had pushed him because he didn't want to "get the boy in trouble." We eventually got him to tell us, and we reported it to the principal. Also, my DH has a word with the offending boy's father...thankfully we have never had another problem with that boy again.

At another time, DS was having problems with a couple of boys in his class making fun of him, picking on him and kicking him at recess. First, I instructed him on how to handle the problem. When that didn't work, I asked DS's teacher to handle the problem...when that didn't work, I went to the principal. The principal dealt with the boys and it stopped for a while, but then started up again. I, again, went to the principal and told him how serious I was about the issue. He kept an eye on the situation, and with the new school year made sure that the offending boys were not in the same class with DS again. That helped out so much.

My point is, I think it is important to teach our AS children how to handle issues on their own, but when they, for whatever reason, can't get a handle on the problem, then he/she needs to know that you will be there to help them through it. If that means going to the principal, or in original poster's case, the bus driver or bus company, so be it. This is especially true if someone has been assaulted as in the case of my son and the original poster's son. No child, disability or not, should have to go through life being mentally or physically abused and scarred by another person.


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jaleb
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11 Jan 2007, 12:54 am

I am going to start driving him to school. I wish I could pick him up but I just can't right now. I run a day care out of my home and it is impossible for me to leave. Everything has been okay on the bus for this past week and half at least.



koolkat
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01 Feb 2007, 8:12 pm

Keep on top of things because my son is 15 and still getting bullied. If you don't open your mouth and do something it will just continue.My son has come home with bloodt nose, bumps, bruises, food down his back and things taken from him. You need to document everything and do what ever you can to get this stopped.



CelticGoddess
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01 Feb 2007, 10:45 pm

prism97 wrote:
I'm sorry to hear about your son being victimized! What you might want to do besides talking to the bus driver (who might have biases of his own against the 'disabled') is draft a formal letter to the school administration, the school board & the bus company (one letter, copies to each). Keep a copy for your lawyer. If your son's back was scratched, perhaps (most likely) the bully raised his shirt or pulled it off. This won't stop unless you act firmly & quickly. The bully (I don't care if he's 6 or 7 too) will bwcomw wmboldened & next he will harass your son at lunch & recess. Your son deserves to enjoy his school experience as much as any other student. Schools often don't take bullying seriously unless a parent pressures them (hence so many victims taking on the task of revenge themselves!). The young bully might not even be aware of the gravity of his behaviour & might just think it makes him appear cool or tough in the eyes of his peers. The more he gets away with it, the more this belief will be reinforced. As an AS person myself, I understand how bullying makes us recede further into ourselves and makes us feel that the NT dominated world just isn't for us. Your son has to work harder than other NT kids to 'make it' in school with its heavily social emphasis. This is difficult enough without a bully on his back (who might have actually said 'I'll kill you" thinking he sounded cool. Good luck to you both!.


I couldn't possibly agree more with prism. That's truly heartbreaking. :(



jaleb
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02 Feb 2007, 12:21 am

I have taken it up with school. I have talked to his special ed teacher about it and she has talked to the bus driver and the principal about it. He is not sitting with the same boy anymore and things have improved (some). The problem is my son is not 100% innocent, some of the incidents have evolved because they are playing dinosaur--my son's biggest obsession. One day when they were "clawing" at each other's eyes my son grabbed the other boy's glasses off his face. Another day he was spitting, on other kids and the seat and wouldn't stop when the driver told him to. The only reason they haven't kicked my son off the bus is because of his disability, so where some things have gotten better, others have gotten worse. But his behavior in general has been worse lately, I think he doesn't feel good (allergies, weather or something) and that has always caused behavior problems in the past. The funny thing is he kind of likes this other kid, but I believe it is the attention he likes more and apparently someone else who shares his interest in dinosaurs! We are taking it day to day--school has been out for illness because the flu and everything else is so bad here right now so we have had a small reprieve. Thanks so much for all the advice everyone has given me!! You all have been so helpful and more! And I am documenting everything! I have a STRONG feeling none of this is over yet.