What to do when your parents are incompetent?

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Hello,

My mom has been fiscally irresponsible since my father died. I can't, blame her for wanting to provide, but her investing has been disastrous to the little money she got from my father. I tried to warn her, but she keeps folding from one bad investment to another (right now she is focus on the Iraqi Dinar), and she is counting on that, although she put her name into the hospital for a job. I am getting fed up with this town, and to some extent this fiasco. Since this is not beneficial for me (except for college, and even then we are living with my grandparents), I am thinking of alternatives. There is a city 2 hours from here, and there are 8X the jobs. Since I want to build up my assets before I head into my final years of college, i am thinking of taking a year or two break and work. I have calculated costs, and I think I can pull it. She has started to sell things on ebay, but I think something has to give . I don't want to be rude, but if I am not going to be better of staying with her or my grandparents, should I scram, and finish up my third year over there? I found a cheap apartment (1 bedroom, downtown, and only 400, with everything included, even tv and internet). Any thoughts? She has already borrowed some of my money, and I am kinda worried. She already suggested I take a vacation there if I am going to anywhere, and so my idea is to go there, see if I could find employment, and break the news. Any thoughts?

Just say it. It is not rude to want to progress your life and move out that is what kids are supposed to do.

I was in a similar situation with my father, though I wasn't dependent on him in any way. He had a net worth between ten and twelve million dollars, came down with cancer, it affected his thinking, and he wound up investing heavily in the dot.com stocks that were all the rage at the time. Nor could I talk him out of it. He lost most of his net worth. Then, my mother, who was never good with money, spent most of what was left before she died herself two years later.

I read a line that applied to my situation, and perhaps to yours as well: People have a strong aversion to taking financial advice from anybody whose behind they used to wipe and powder. And I think that's true. Since she is a free adult, all you can do is warn her, and get on with your life as best you can.

Good luck.

Thank you. Not to pat my own back since I have had some doosey of calls ( VIX, Jiangbo Pharma, ING High Growth, and NYMT), but I have had some good calls, like on silver (told my mom to get out), Bitcoins (at 12 a coin), LCAPA at 3 a share, among others. My point is I have had some success picking stocks and investments, and her ideas have almost continually failed. Anyways, the only reason why it would make sense for me to stay is legacy (family), and saving costs. But most the jobs here are cashier oriented, thus I think I would suck at it, plus I have tried to get a job on and off since march, and I am lucky to find a new job a day. In the other city, there are many jobs that pay above the minimum wage, in addition to not requiring a degree. I still want to pursue my degree, but I would like to invest in a 18k dollar apartment here where I live, but so far I can't get a job to finance it. I would like to eventually have a source of income so I can just travel, but I need to pay for those assets. Thus, if staying with my mom won't lead to a job, I might as well go over there, after this year's schooling is done, since I could pick up over there, since they state of Michigan gave me a schooling grant. Plus TC seems more libertarian, more entrepreneurial, and has multiple meetups I would like, which is a huge plus. I have also lived there with my mom and dad when he was alive.

It doesn't sound to me like it has anything to do with parental incompetence. If you are able to make it on your own and are not satisfied living under your mother's/grandparent's roof, you are under no obligation to stay. Move out. Live your life.

I do have a burning desire, however, to state that when I was your age, I was certain my parents were...well...I don't know if I would have used the word "incompetent," but I would have definitely said "out of touch with the times" and I thought I knew more than they did.

At the age of 45, I now see my view at age 20 as mostly completely ludicrous. I focused only on their flaws and saw none of their strengths. Now that I am older, I value their strengths a lot more, and tend to look past their flaws. I myself, am very bad with handling money, but I think the last thing I'd call myself as far as being a parent is concerned is "incompetent."

I am also of the mind that taking a break from college is sometimes a good thing. I sucked the first time I went. I took a break and worked (and joined the military) and when I went back to school I graduated with honors both as undergrad and grad. I know a lot of people think that you should just do it all in one shot, but I don't think that is necessarily true for everyone. I found the "real life" experience that I had in that break very beneficial...even to this day.

Good luck to you.

I did not mean that rudely, I just meant that she goes on and on how we will be millionaires off of Iraq's currency. I hate to burst her bubble, but Iraq has a ton of work to do before it is worth the paper it is printed on. I love her, but to claim that she is supporting me is kinda pushing it. She does provide treats once in a while, which I appreciate, as well as transportation to and from school, but we are not "getting ahead". I suggested maybe she should move to TC, but without her revaluing of currency, she won't, even if there are jobs over there. Not everyone is good at everything, but sometimes you have to put aside pet projects, and work hard. I have figured out that before I have any entrepreneurial ventures that can pay the bills, I need a job, and where I live does not have those for aspies. She is stuck on her investment, which is her thing, but to claim we will be set when we will not be , and to go along with it is BSing her. Thus, I think it is best to part ways, even though I feel bad for her.

I did not mean that rudely, I just meant that she goes on and on how we will be millionaires off of Iraq's currency. I hate to burst her bubble, but Iraq has a ton of work to do before it is worth the paper it is printed on. I love her, but to claim that she is supporting me is kinda pushing it. She does provide treats once in a while, which I appreciate, as well as transportation to and from school, but we are not "getting ahead". I suggested maybe she should move to TC, but without her revaluing of currency, she won't, even if there are jobs over there. Not everyone is good at everything, but sometimes you have to put aside pet projects, and work hard. I have figured out that before I have any entrepreneurial ventures that can pay the bills, I need a job, and where I live does not have those for aspies. She is stuck on her investment, which is her thing, but to claim we will be set when we will not be , and to go along with it is BSing her. Thus, I think it is best to part ways, even though I feel bad for her.

You should have her read "Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey.

Better yet, buy it for yourself, read it, and then politely suggest she read it. Say something like how you know she's really interested in this whole investing thing, and TMM might be a good way to learn so me good, proven investment strategies.

In short, she's not looking at this from a long-term investment perspective. Investing in things like foreign currency and commodities (precious metals, etc.) carry a LOT more risk than most sensible people are willing to take. If I had enough money coming in to justify it, I'd put everything in a Roth IRA and divert most or all of it to growth stock mutual funds. Given the sorry state of affairs the USA is in right now and how that's ultimately going to throw the economy, things are going to look really bad in the short term. Gold is in a bubble just like the housing market used to be, and when Armageddon hits, gold is going to be pretty much useless. Stay away from commodities and foreign currency. Too much risk involved.

Now, yes, it's looking like the economy is about to take a turn for the worse. But that doesn't mean to stop investing in a retirement account. That's why it's LONG TERM investing. You always end up in a better position in the most volatile markets when you're consistent over a couple or three decades. You're going to win some and lose some over the short term, but over the long term you're going to reduce your risk.

With the whole Iragi dinar thing, she's not counting on risk. It SOUNDS like a great idea, but I think if we're being honest, it's largely driven by emotion. A lot of investors get in bad trouble and make bad deals when they fail to take risk into account. It's like mortgaging your home just to play the lottery. DON'T DO IT.