Support and coaching for "Low Social Intelligence?"

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Aloha all! Newbie here . . .

My son is 23 and just started his first real job, after graduating from a very successful 4 years at college.

He's always been socially awkward, and extremely intelligent. At 4 years old, he was diagnosed with "Oppositional Defiant Behavior Syndrome."

After a bit of a crisis situation when he was 15 and living with his dad on the mainland, he was evaluated by a psychologist - we thought he might have Aspergers Syndrome as so many of the factors seemed to apply (and his cousin has AS, which is partly why it came to mind as a possibility). The doctor determined that no, he does not have AS, but he does have what he called "low social intelligence."

He's enjoying his job in a small 4-person office and his position does not involve face-to-face interaction with clients, but he does answer the phone and write emails. The bulk of his job involves proof-reading proposals (which he is awesome at), packaging bids and running errands. It seems like an ideal post-college job where he can learn some important real-life skills.

His immediate supervisor is a friend, and he couldn't be in better hands. He's two weeks into the job, and there are a few issues - she has confided that his "awkward personality and people skills" are a bit of a drawback, and that he needs to improve his telephone, memory retention and note-taking skills all need work.

Would it be appropriate for me to seek out a kind of social skills coach for him? How would I go about finding someone like that here in Hawaii? Any other suggestions?

This just seems like such an ideal job for him right now, given his skills and his challenges - a truly great learning opportunity, and I really want to do whatever I can to help him succeed (while not being a helicopter mom LOL).

Mahalo for any input . . .

I think having a job coach is potentially a very positive thing. I mean, I think people even with really good jobs can benefit from a job coach.

That said, it has to he something your son engages with and wants to do.

PS I'm not a parent. But I do live life on the Spectrum self-diagnosed and I try and be a good guy and help out where I can.

As far as finding a social skills coach, maybe just an energetic NT who's hip to the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum and who understands that the point is playing to strength and being matter-of-fact about any deficiencies. And maybe the key one or two bits of advice which will help with the phone skills and note taking, and if those don't work, maybe the next one or two things to try. And perhaps a coach who's one or two years older than your son, but I'm not sure that's strictly necessary.

And I really think that for those of us on the Spectrum there is an inverse relationship between entry-level "easy" jobs and quote "hard" jobs.

'NT' means neurotypical. And it's fine to be neurotypical. It's fine not to be neurotypical.

Thanks, AGS!

Would you expand a little on this statement?:

"And I really think that for those of us on the Spectrum there is an inverse relationship between entry-level "easy" jobs and quote "hard" jobs."

From what I've been able to see with my son, it's more about whether or not the job involves a lot of direct customer contact - does that relate to what you're saying?

Although he is a little old, both of you might benefit from the book Smart but Scattered (for teens), because it sounds like half of the issue is about executive function related skills.

At this age, he will not expand his social skills unless he wants to. If he wants to, then Toastmasters International is a speaking group that is also great about easing social anxiety in a supportive environment. You should be able to find it locally.