Questions about homeschooling

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I am not at the point yet that I think this is what I should do. However, I have had a tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me that at some point this may be the way to go with my son. So far this year is going pretty decent. He is in kindergarten in a small, private school. There are only 12 in his class and there is also a teacher's aide in class. He does have his struggles but for the most part am very happy so far with how it is going. Last year was a nightmare though at a different school in pre-kindergarten. I got a taste of how bad things could potentially get. Sadly, in pre-kindergarten, I was already seeing the social struggles and the isolation my son was receiving from other young children. I also got to see how teachers that are not educated on ASD, fail to deal with situations correctly. It was a horrible experience. In retrospect, I wish I had never kept him at that school all year.

I am just curious for those that home school what finally made you decide this was the right thing for your child? What types of schools had your child been in prior (public, private, etc)? Were you already a stay at home parent or did you need to adjust your work in order to be at home more? Are you happy with your decision and is your child doing better?

Thanks in Advance!

We just started homeschooling this year. My son was in public school. I am a SAHM and needed to be anyway given the number of times I have been called up to school. So we were already budgeting for one income, which made it much easier to pull the trigger. Without getting into he whole long drawn out story, here were my main reasons.

1)Getting a teacher who "got it" was too important to making it work, and we already had hits and misses.
2)Even with a teacher that got it, no one else did. The people who were "trained" were trained in stereotypes and had trouble adjusting to the presence of facts that contradicted the stereotypes.
3)He had too much change last year, that he could not adjust for, and the school was not effective at getting things back on track.
4)He needed an individual aide, and the best I could get was a part-time inclusion aide who was untrained and who set him off.
5)Bad incentives were set up by them and then I was blamed for being to permissive.
6)Standardized testing starts this year and they made it quite clear his disruptions will not be tolerated.
7) I did not like the person my son became when exposed to all their stressors.
He was in the weeds, socially, and they did not offer social skills training until he was a discipline problem. So social skills training would have been class with the "bad" kids who would likely torment him. No thanks.
9)It was exhausting having to fight with the district all the time.
10)They switched his speech teacher to some young clueless person who pushed his buttons, so even the therapy available was not worth anything, anymore.
11)They were "counseling us out" best they could and clearly were going to make our lives horrid until we left.
12) They kept telling me to use parenting strategies that I have already tried, that failed, and made things worse. When I told them this, they tried to insist I do these counterproductive things, anyway.

How old is your son? Are you happy with your decision?
We had all intentions of sending our son to public school until his pediatrician (whom I really like) really urged us to find a small private school. I am so thankful she spoke with us honestly about her concerns. Up until that point, all of the therapists had been pushing public school "we have more to offer him here, better services, better classroom accommodations". I cringe every time I think of the fact that we almost sent him to public school. For some children I think it can work, but for our son and family it wasn't the right choice. I speak with friends that have neurotypical children in the same public school and some issues they are having and I think of my son who would have already been at a disadvantage. I realize that private school may not always be the answer either. I have hope that it will continue to work out for us. This school only goes up to the 3rd grade, so even if he does well here and they continue to work with us...we will soon be faced where to send him next. His pediatrician was also the one that had mentioned homeschooling and that the future could hold that as well. I think that is why it is in the back of my mind. Problem is I can't quit working entirely. I could swing working part time and fortunately with my job I can work nights and weekends. I just don't know if this is feasible and if there are others out there that do this.

He is 8---3rd grade, which is when the high stakes testing starts.

I have three boys, 13 (HFA), 12 (ADHD/ODD), and 5 (ASD, but not pinned down yet exactly where on the spectrum). I had always wanted to homeschool, even before I had kids due to the misery I endured at public school, but when the big boys came to school age, I was single and couldn't stop working to do it. They went to public school. I had to fight with the district to get the oldest an IEP in Kindergarten to continue his OT. He really, really needed it, as they had only gotten him to start crossing the midline in activities a couple of months before (if something was on his left, he used his left hand. If it was on the right, he'd use his right hand.) and he still mostly held his pencil in a full fist with his thumb against the paper and swiped with his whole arm. They tried to argue that these things wouldn't effect his academic performance.

It went back and forth after that. The first Kindergarten teacher was horrible. She had three special needs kids assigned to her classroom and flat out said that she didn't believe in any disability that she couldn't see physically. After a lot of complaining by all the parents, including one time by me where I was so mad I was shaking over something she had said, the class was disbanded and she was assigned as a glorified teacher's aide for further training. She was back tormenting a new class the next year. The rest of K was with one of those teachers that should be teacher of the year every year. She was great. 1st he kind of flew under the radar, not getting what he needed, but at least not getting tormented. 2nd the teacher was great, but had a class of 27, and wasn't able to stay with him all day. He needed 1:1 to get anything at all done. There were also increasing incidents of kids taking advantage of his gullible nature to get him to do and say things to get him in trouble. The main teacher knew better, but the playground teachers didn't always.

The middle kid had the great K teacher. Had the same one that the oldest had for 1st. I had told them she would be a very bad match for him, as she kept insisting that my oldest was hyperactive when you have to prod him to get him to move at all. The middle one really is hyperactive and she made it her mission to torture him until I agreed to put him on meds. By this time I was remarried and pregnant with the Sprout. I was planning on quitting work when he was born, and homeschooling the two older ones after that, but the middle kid in particular was so miserable that we pulled them at semester and my mom homeschooled them for me during the spring semester.

I homeschooled them until about a month ago when the middle kid's behavior issues got to be more than I could handle at home with the two ASD kids also in the mix. He's actually doing pretty well in school according to him, anyway. I kind of dread the parent teacher conference. He really needed more social contacts than the rest of us ASD/BAP people could handle getting him into, so he is happier at school, and I am less stressed because of getting a break from him during school. He came home today telling me that he got another kid written up 4 times, in part because the kid was using homosexual slurs on him and threatening to beat him up (and was apparently too dim to realize that my guy was going to keep tattling on him every time he got in my guy's face, even on the bus). He's not "out" at school, but he's also not too terribly subtle. I am not sure how well the year is going to go if things like this continue and force us to bring it up to the school to protect him. This is a predominantly homophobic area, so even a lot of the teachers would have personal problems with his orientation. I really don't want to have to start homeschooling him again just because he is bi.

The oldest didn't want to be left out, and begged me to let him go to school also, so I did. He's in the resource/self contained program, and is loving it. The special ed program at the local Junior High is unexpectedly awesome. I'm loving it, because there is a great teacher to student ratio. The highest one is the science class that has 12 students and 2 teachers. His other classes have 5 students to one teacher. Most of the kids in those classes are also HFA or Aspie, so he's in socializing heaven not just with the kids, but also with the teachers who are well adapted to their style. He's also in adaptive PE where they have several teachers and the PE coach who is certified for adaptive PE.

I am glad that I homeschooled them, though. The program that the oldest is in wasn't available until he was Junior High age, and I can tell from the dealings I am having with the Middle School that things would not have been nearly as good for him there. At home I was able to do a lot of social autopsy type conversations with him to help him learn better strategies for various social encounters, and to be able to supervise and not let him get into relationships like he had at school which amounted to abusive, since the little jerks called themselves his friends and then tricked him into getting into trouble all the time. He still has very limited insight, but at 7 it was nonexistent. He's never been treated like he was less than anyone else, and he doesn't have that "broken" attitude that I see in a lot of kids that failed in mainstream and then ended up in this kind of program, which is what would have happened to him. He really hit a plateau in 6th grade in his ability to grasp the materials and move forward at an average pace. He's honestly still at the 6th grade level in a lot of areas. We just kind of skipped the school failure section of school. They had him in the purely self contained classroom for the first week to let him get used to coming to school, and then started adding the resource classes. He didn't like the self contained room, because he is clearly functioning higher academically than the kids in the group he was in. (First day of math class, they took them outside where two buses were parked and asked them to figure out how many wheels there were altogether.) But, since the other kids in resource classes are at his functioning level, he doesn't realize that the resource classes aren't mainstream classes. And for now, at least, I am good with that.

The youngest is 5 and on a Kindergarten Waiver, which means that he doesn't have to go this year, and next year I have the option of either placing him at Kindergarten or directly into 1st. He was pretty miserable at his preschool last year, and I can't see Kindergarten going any better this year, if he was in public school. I am working through a Pre-K program with him right now. When we finish it, we'll go directly into the Kindergarten program whether that is January or next August. Our biggest goal for this year is to get the anxiety and sensory issues managed well enough that he can engage with schoolwork without a meltdown. He doesn't transition well at all, so basically this entire year is being used as a gradual transition to doing schoolwork. I pushed too hard a couple of weeks ago and have had to back off back to pre-writing stuff like running a finger through a salt tray, because he was getting to the point of getting anxious at the mention of school work. (And an anxious Sprout is a violent Sprout).

MiahClone-Thank you so much for the reply and sharing your experiences with me. Sounds like you have been through a lot but seems you will now have those experiences to guide you with your youngest. I am still learning so much since this is all new to me and this is my only child so I have nothing to go on.

We found schools (public and private) to be structurally unsound in spite of the occasional well motivated and good intentioned teacher. John Gatto's books speak to much of this.

Our children are 13,16, and 17 and have all been homeschooled (unschool). They each have their strengths and weaknesses. Our children have a love of learning and will dig in to do research on a subject of interest on their own.

My wife was a stay at home mom and I was able to transition to a home business. It meant we had to find a way to live cheaply, but for us the pay off is in our children.

Yes, I am striving to live a more simpler life. My focus is my family and less on materialistic things. I have already cut back my hours at work to allow me to be home more with my son. I wouldn't hesitate to cut back more if my son needed me, even if it meant less of the extras.

I always wanted to homeschool, mainly due to the strong anti-social kid culture that is common in schools. My kids did go to a pre-school, but I've homeschooled since kinder. Since then I've found that my son has AS, but he is quite high functioning. He tests well above other kids in IQ and in standardized tests. He wouldn't qualify in our county for services if he went to public school. He would qualify for accommodations, though.

Homeschooling put a tremendous pressure on the relationship of my son and myself. He can only understand his perspective, and sees me on par with himself. What works well for him is an academic co-op, where he goes to 6 classes one day a week and does the homework for those classes during the week. That motivates him much better than having me teach everything. So, while I think homeschooling can solve a ton of potential problems, it also has some issues of its own.

How do you find academic co-ops?? That could be something that would work for us...

Do you have to live in homeschool-friendly states to find them?? Pennsylvania is pretty hostile to homeschoolers. I mention it to people and they act like I said "armed revolt" or "chopping off a limb." The regs are pretty intrusive, too-- required to submit to annual standardized testing, as well as submit a portfolio, submit to an annual or semi-annual home inspection, and submit your records/lesson plans within either 10 or 30 days upon request-- so much for "liberal" meaning "mind your own business;" I shan't vote Democratic again no matter how I feel about organized labor, separation of church and state, or welfare) so I think a lot of people that are bound and determined to do it LEAVE. Head for Ohio or West Virginia.

Agreed. This is essentially what happened with my middle kid. We didn't have the extent of outside classes that you did. Since we put him back in public school our relationship has gotten a lot better. I think this is highly dependent on the kid's personality though. That one was never prone to admit to any authority but his own, even as a toddler, and really, really needs the amount of social interaction that he gets at public school. We are still having problems with him, but it has gotten better. My ASD kid never had a problem like that--he came up with his own. lol.

The forum at http://www.secularhomeschool.com/forum.php is a pretty good place to ask. I'm not as familiar with other homeschooling forums, but I've heard of http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/ is active as well. If you talk to acquaintances and ask if they know anyone who homeschools, they might tell you about some "crazy" family they know, and you can then ask to be introduced to them, and then ask them about local resources. Your local librarian in the children's section might be able to tell you if she sees many homeschoolers using her section.

I researched homeschooling when my son was about 4 and in pre school. I KNEW a large class with one teacher would be a recipe for disaster for him. Also, he was academically advanced while having social issues, etc. We have been homeschooling since K and he is now in 3rd grade. Academically he is doing great. he tests well ahead of his peers and he is doing awesome socially. he has a large group of friends, both homeschooled and public schooled kids. He belongs to many clubs, activities, etc.

It is work, much more work for me then I would have to do if I just shipped him off on the big yellow bus every am, but it is the best for him. It allows him to work at his pace, to have whatever breaks he needs, to be jumping while working, to talk, etc... Also, his friends aren't sick of him cause they aren't stuck with him 6 or more hours a day, his interaction with them are structured and supervised and usually set up for success. When there are issues, we deal with them in the setting they occur and work thru things.

Overall, homeschooling for my son has been great for him.

This is a problem for many home school kids. It may even be more of a problem for an Aspie. The way to deal with the problem is to confront the child.

1. Your assumption to look at me as an equal is based on what? If you observe no difference, then you are saying that the twenty years more of experience I have is of no value or that you are unable to see much less understand that value. There are more things in heaven and on earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.

Usually the lack of respect comes from a child that has not been taught to respect elders and may not be a specifically Aspie issue.

timf,

I am going to quibble with this b/c I think a smart Aspie/HFA does have an intrinsic tendency to think this way. I had a very authoritarian upbringing and I still thought of myself in some ways as a peer of adults. NT kids made no sense to me. They still really don't. I was compliant, and had a default of assuming that adults deserved some measure of respect, but when it was evident they were ignorant about something, I reassessed my opinion, even if I did not show it, if you follow.

The other side of it is, that frankly, a smart kid on the spectrum with a special interest that you do not share will know way more about that subject than you do, and they are smart enough to know it. This does not in anyway engender humility, and it leads them to believe they have equivalent knowledge (or even greater knowledge) on other subjects until they are proven otherwise.

Even if you teach them respect for elders and all that, it does not negate these other factors. I am not saying it is never the result of too permissive parenting, but it would not be my default guess without evidence to the contrary.

Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 29 Oct 2013, 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BuyerBeware, there are academic co-ops in PA. K12 is also big in PA, and that might work for you.

timf, I know of no other homeschooled child, and I know plenty of them, who sees himself as equal to his parents. This is clearly an Aspie thing. My son simply cannot understand this.