Bedtime troubles

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Our little guy will be 6 on Friday. For the last month he's been giving us a hard time calling it a day. We read to him and sit and talk a while but if we return to his room two hours later he's still awake. Now he's decided not to stay in bed so he'll come out of his room looking for company but still stays up until at least 11 or 12. Problem is he gets up at 7:30 and looks so tired during the day. I've heard of people giving their kids melatonin but I don't think we need to take that path. Someone else told me that liquid calcium helps to calm kids to prepare them for bed, I really don't want to go the "meds" route. Could it be a phase or is this the beginnings of sleep disturbances in our child? I know that when I bring it up to the doctor she'll say "Be tough" "Bed time is bed time and you need to ...blah blah blah" Easy for her to say her kids are in bed asleep by 8. I dont like leaving him lying there for so long on his own I think it's cruel...any suggestions?

Have you tried a weighted blanket? They are expensive. Maybe pile up heavy blankets and open the window - that's what I do. Tell you want to try this to see if he likes it. I love it.

If I don't have weight on me when I sleep, the entire bed is a total mess in the morning - either the sheets & blankets are on the floor, or they're in a big pile in the middle of the bed.

There are other weighted things, a weighted vest for example, for during the day.

what have you tried to get him to sleep so far ?

i have my own bed time. i go to bed when i feel like it.

I think I can chime in with an advice or two. When I growing up, I had chronic insomnia, from as early as I remember until age 14. I think my perception of bed time had a lot to do with it. It meant only one thing: lying in bed bored out of my mind, with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling, while hearing my parents and older sister laughing and having fun (the walls were paper-thin). In a nutshell, it was utter boredom. I begged my parents to give me pills, but to no avail. They said it wasn't a natural way to fall asleep, so the answer was no.

A funny story to back up my reasoning. I kept begging my parents to let me stay up as late as I want. One day, they gave in, and agreed to test me. There was only one rule: nothing loud enough to be heard in the next room, and no food or drinks after 10:30pm (water was OK). I ended up staying wide awake until 1:00am. My parents were so shocked that they came up with a compromise: I'd go to bed at that time, but I could have anything I wanted for breakfast next morning (even candy bars). That night, I fell asleep in less than an hour, with a smile on my face.

Now enough about me, let's talk about your son. Maybe he's like I was: he associates bedtime with boredom. If you want him to go to bed willingly, you need to break that association. In other words, melatonin may be just thing. After all, if you son only "has to" lie awake for 20 minutes before falling asleep, he'd be much more willing to go to bed than if he "had to" lie awake for an hour or more. For added benefit, maybe you could set the bedtime an hour later. Extra tiredness, combined with melatonin will allow him to enjoy bedtime, or at least tolerate it.

Thanks to all who responded. I think Aspie is probably right. Last night I let him lie in my bed with me. The room was dark, he had an apple for snack. We talked quietly and had some laughs and all of a sudden at 10:45 I noticed him hiding his head under the pillow. He told me he was getting tired. I asked if it was time for his bed and he complied. We went to his room I gave him a book with a cd to read along and we was out before it was over. I think Aspie's boredom theory is bang on. I don't have a problem if this is how it's going to be. As I said before, I don't like the thought of him lying in bed for so long, bored. My only question for you now Aspie is...how did you function during the days? Was it enough sleep for you?

I functioned perfectly fine; wide awake and fully alert. Some mornings, I drank a cup of hot tea, but that was purely for taste, since I didn't know caffeine even existed yet. Throughout the day, I didn't feel a trace of sleepiness. The sleep I got seemed enough, at least it felt that way. The only times when I actually felt tired next day is when I didn't fall asleep the whole night (that happened once in a while). Despite the constant nagging from my parents that I "need a healthy amount of sleep", meaning ten hours for a child, I only got six hours a night on average, and didn't suffer at all.

On a side note, if your son always take a long time to fall asleep, no matter what the situation is, he might have something called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_Sleep_Phase_Syndrome)

Have you tried a medication that can calm him down? aspies don't have insomnia, they just can't stop thinking so they can't fall alseep. As a result, ask your doctor about rhemeron (not a sleeping pill actually).

Last edited by alex on 31 Jan 2007, 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks!

I started giving my 7 year old melatonin. He asks for it. He's much more rested the days following nights when he takes it. He has trouble falling asleep and bedtime is boring, just like pp described. I give him less than a mg. He's asleep in less than half an hour and I don't give it every day. I mainly wait until he asks for it. He knows when he needs it and when he doesn't.

I agree with the melatonin. I debated forever on whether or not to give it to my 6 yr old son, and after 2 nights of it I was convinced I did the right thing. He drops right off to sleep now. I usually give it about 20-30 minutes before bedtime and he will go right to sleep within 10 minutes of putting him into his bed.

So far we've been able to go without meds for sleep. My little guy is 8 and his routine goes like this:

We snuggle in bed to read a book.
Then I give him a back massage, neck massage, head massage, arm massage.
Cover him up with a weighted blanket (24 lbs)
Turn on his twilight turtle (it's a stuffed turtle with a hard shell that shines constellations on his ceiling)
I leave the room

He always has a pile of books in his bed so if he's not tired, he'll read. He can look at the stars (his ceiling is painted a dark blue so they show up well!) and he has a stereo with a classical music CD in it that he can turn on if it wants to.

He loves his room which makes it easier for him to relax. He used to get fidgety in bed until I started doing the massage. He has always craved deep pressure so once I added that to our nightly routine, he practically melted in the bed and was fast asleep within 15 mins.

Good luck

My 6 year-old has always had trouble self-soothing at bedtime. We've tried a bunch of different things at different times and some have worked better than others. I think my son has the same experience Aspie1 described, of feeling bored with the process of waiting to fall asleep. I think that's why we've had to vary our routines slightly from time to time. It seems like no one thing helps, but one thing helps one night and something else helps another. (And some nights nothing helps!)

Maybe you could ask him what he thinks he needs to help him feel sleepy and relaxed. Maybe he has a reasonable idea you can try or maybe just involving him in that process will help him in some way. For a while we had a whole elaborate routine when he was feeling "scared" of being alone in the room. He designed it and it involved various stuffed animals in particular places as sentries. It took a few extra minutes but it helped for a while. And I definitely think the fact that he came up with the solution helped him feel better about the whole thing. I don't know if that would work or help with your little guy, but it might!

Good luck. I know what a fight it can be. No fun for anybody!

Thanks everyone. Here's the problem re the med route: Even if my little guy is sick he will not take meds. Twice we've had to take him to the ER for dehydration because he wouldn't consume anything incase we had tried hiding fever meds in his food or drink. About his room? he used to love it but now associates it with boredom so he doesn't hang out in it much. One of his obsessions is the military. Someone sugggested we buy him a little army tent for his room...not the most practical, he'd have to set up camp everywhere he slept...not exactly mainstream. I will talk to the doctor about the options and let you know what we decide. His next hospital visit is next month. Until then, feel free to send me messages up until at least midnight...we'll be up!

Is it solid meds (like pills) that he won't take? or any type of med period (like liquids)?

Just curious because there are pharmacists who will compound pill forms into liquids with flavouring which tend to go over well with kids.

I was sent to bed at 9:00 when I was a child and would lay awake for several hours. I remember spending the night at a friends house and her mother daid we would be in trouble if we wern't asleep in 5 minutes, I have no idea how anyone can fall asleep in less than five minutes or even less that 30. I say let him stay up until he is ready to go to bed. Hopefully within a few weeks he can get his internal clock set and you can figure out what is the right bedtime for his needs. Some people need less sleep than what is expected for their age.