parent with autism chances of child inheriting it

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how likely is it that my son will follow in my footsteps with autism ? I am really worried that he will follow in my footsteps and have a crap life & do you struggle to love your child

Dunno. It ought to be straightforward-- the son of an ASD mother ought to have a 100% chance of inheriting an X-linked recessive trait. Except, as it turns out, people aren't as simple as peas, and even if they were, Gregor Mendel sort of fudged a bunch of stuff and the genetics we learned in high school biology weren't exactly correct. Then there's this epigenetic stuff that we're just starting to realize even exists.

Then there's all the stuff we've learned about autism in the last 5 or 6 years, and what we're starting to learn about teaching social and emotional skills to autistic kids.

There are all kinds of dangers, too, of course. Maybe we live in a world that's just so damn crowded that we can afford to pick and choose, and only the perfect are going to be allowed to have a chance at success. Maybe the next "eugenic" purge is just around the corner. Maybe...

Yeah, I worry about this stuff too.

But I'm not having a crap life.

I could, if I wanted to. I could hate myself. I could let the nasty things people say get me down. I could believe that other people are perfect (or near perfect anyway) in perfectly kept houses on perfectly kept lawns with perfectly cooked meals which they share with perfect spouses and 2 perfect children with whom they share perfect relationships...

...and every time I believe that, I go perfectly barking mad.

And then me and my kids end up with a crap life, and crap mental health, and generally feeling like crap.

So-- the sun's shining. I REFUSE to do that s**t any more. I REFUSE to see myself (or my child) as a piece of subhuman s**t. I CAN-- but I REFUSE.

When I'm not trying to beat him into a little tiny box called "normal," (and I don't even really think "normal" is the correct label for that box-- more like "someone else's fantasy of ideal"), it's EASY to love my kid. Try and stuff him into that teeny-tiny perfect kid box?? Not so much-- I end up hating myself, hating everyone else, looking at him with contempt, and despising myself for having brought him into the world.

NOT someplace we really need to visit (though we do from time to time-- just got back from another trip there). DEFINITELY NOT someplace we would be happy living.

Learn to cope and function and not be so upsetting or annoying that no one wants him around-- YES. Learn to think and act and work just exactly like everyone else-- NOT SO MUCH. Easy to love the kid.

Just remember that "love" doesn't mean "never get fed up with." I LOVE a lot of people-- hubby, kids, grandmothers, mother-in-law, relatives, friends. I get fed up with ALL of them. "Love" doesn't mean that there are no boundaries, either-- I have a hard time with that one. "If I loved them, I wouldn't need a break." Uh-huh. Whatever. I have this thing I tell my 4-year-old: "I love you, but I don't love it when you wave your hands in my face and shout." "I love you, but I don't love it when you play with my hair." "I love you. Can you sit beside me, instead of on top of me??" "I love you so much that I really don't want to wreck this van with you in it-- so if you kick my elbow one more time, I'm going to pull over, pull you out, and spank you right here by the side of I-79." If you ever see a woman spanking a preschooler next to a beat-up black Kia Sedona in the breakdown lane somewhere, honk and wave. Or my 6-year-old (potentially spectrum kid): "I love you, and that's probably a great idea, but I can't understand you when you shout. It makes my head all buzzy, too." "I love you, and I DID hear you, but I can't think when you keep repeating the question overandoverandoverandover." "I love you, but THAT AIN'T COOL. Don't do that."

Can you give us more information so we can give targeted advice? Do you have a child already? If you already have a child do you have any current issues or concerns?

The reason I ask, is your question is so general, I do not know what is behind it, and what you are trying to get better information on.

Genetics is a crap shoot. You don't know what you will get, until you get it,and you won't know anything until your child is old enough to see if he/she is NT or AU/AS.

When you say "crap life" do you mean you feel it is currently crappy, or do you mean as a child?

Autistic kids today have different options, assistance and obstacles. When I was kid, it was before mass diagnosis and I was probably too functional to be diagnosed b/c all my problems were solely mine, I had good grades, and neither the school nor my parents would have had any incentive to worry about my social issues. Things today are better in that regard.

Things are different, today, and of course childhood is different also.

So, again, nothing I am saying is going to mean anything to you, b/c you probably have specifics in mind, and I am probably not touching on them at all..

Neither of my kids view themselves as having a "crap life." In fact, my daughter describes herself as having a "wonderful life." My son is more cognizant of his difficulties, but he would still say he has a "good life" despite his struggles.

I do not struggle to love them at all. I love them very much and it comes naturally without any effort at all.

I am not autistic, but I do have ADD and shadow traits.

I have a son hes 11 months old ... my life is crap and out of control and has been for the last 9 years :/

Well, then, I'd say the relevant question is not whether your son will or will not inherit ASD...

...but what it is that makes your life crap, what about it is out of control, and what skills can be learned or choices made to bring it back under some semblance of control.

I know a good little handful of NTs with crappy, out of control lives, too.

So-- What would you like to change?? What skills, knowledge, or abilities do you need to acquire to make one of those changes??

Has your child shown any signs of autism? How is she on her milestones? Do you have any current concerns?

If you have nothing to indicate autism at this point, I think the crap life part needs to be addressed before worrying about what your child has or has not already inherited. The crap life part is going to affect both your lives more than something that is not even a current concern.

Is it anything we could give you insight on?