Behavior at School

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It has been a tough couple of weeks for my 5 year old son. His teacher has been out on and off, with a substitute teacher about 6 days out of the past two weeks. I have seen a decline in his behavior and have been getting bad reports each day (even the days his teacher was there). I am not saying he has perfect behavior anyway and I am not blaming it all on this but I have seen a worsening.
He has trouble with transitions and following directions/listening good. I have tried to have consequences (like taking away electronics privileges) but honestly this doesn't really work. He is sad he lost his privilege but he says he can't help it. He will say things like "it was too hard what the teacher wanted me to do" (referring to writing which he has trouble with), "it's too hard to listen to everything" or "it's too hard for me to follow all of the rules". Now for the first time since starting this school and kindergarten, he is saying he hates school and doesn't want to go.
I don't know how to handle this and if I should be doing more and what that would be. I have never said anything to him about homeschooling (I don't think he would even know about that), but I have thought in my own mind about it. This morning he said to me "I want to learn at home, I don't want to go to school". It just caught me off guard to hear him say it like that.
His main behaviors at school are not doing schoolwork, wondering around room when should be seated, sometimes using hands on classmates (pushing if they get in his space), screaming sometimes if overstimulated.....thoughts?

Does he have a diagnosis and an IEP? Without an IEP there isn't a ton you can do from home.

My daughter is the same way. We have it stated, in her IEP, that on days when there is a sub she can spend the day in a different classroom (works better for her, at least for now- she sees it as a priviledge which helps her to maintain good behavior).

"His main behaviors at school are not doing schoolwork, wondering around room when should be seated, sometimes using hands on classmates (pushing if they get in his space), screaming sometimes if overstimulated.....thoughts?"

Does he have an IEP? Does he have an official diagnosis from a physician? Has he been evaluated for comprehension? You will need the diagnosis to get the IEP, especially for those specific behaviors.

My daughter is 7 and in the 1st grade. She has an IEP that explains the areas in which she has difficulty. Honestly, she does great academically, but it is the transitions and "down-time" that are hard for her. Her IEP focuses on those areas and on making sure she is comprehending what is being taught.

My daughter does the wandering around the room, because sometimes it is just really hard to sit. She needs to get that energy out. They use a token system with her, and for every part of an activity she completes, she gets a token. Once she has received 5 tokens, she gets to do a preferred activity (ie. iPad, blocks, computer time, etc.) It works pretty well for her and helps her to focus on getting her work done.

The other kids know about her autism and know that they need to make sure she is okay with physical contact. They also know when she is wound up to stay back, because she isn't always aware of people in her surroundings. She isn't aggressive, but some of her stims could unintentionally hurt someone.

She also does the screaming, and I really have no idea how to handle that one. At school, we agreed that she should be taken to the sensory room if she can't settle down and is being extremely disruptive.

As far as the sub situation, my daughter has off days when there is a sub too. She has a one-on-one Paraprofessional aide and a Special Ed teacher in the class with the General Ed. teacher. We always try to make sure one of those people are someone she is familiar with.

He currently has an IEP with developmentally delayed as his exceptionality. It is pretty much useless though because we have him in a small,private school. He will lose his IEP come February when he turns 6 unless we seek out an updated IEP with his diagnosis (PDD-NOS). If I choose to keep him in private school I don't see much sense in going through all of that, because as I said it doesn't seem the IEP does much good when not in public school. He does have the PDD-NOS diagnosis from a psychologist and the school is aware of it. I just didn't feel public school was the right place for him and that is why we chose this small, private school. I don't know what the right thing to do is. The school is trying to be very accommodating. They are very nice there. I just am afraid if he continues to be too disruptive it won't be good for anyone. I am hoping it was just a couple of off weeks because of the teacher being out.

I'm not very familiar with how IEPs work outside of the public school system, so maybe someone else will chime in about that. I think from what I recall from a friend's experience, private schools have to adhere to ADA but not IDEA (which is where IEPs fall), unless it is a private special education school.

Is the school complaining about these behaviors or just informing you about them? The reason I ask is because I was overly worried about some of my daughters behaviors and how they would affect the rest of the class. The school has been excellent with reassuring me that they don't have an issue with her behaviors, they just want to keep me informed. Her peers are awesome at realizing that she is who she is, and some have even stepped in to help remind her to stay on task or to partner with her to help her with completing something

I think sometimes we have to try a bunch of different things before we find the "right" solution for our kids. It's definitely not a one size fits all situation.

At this point, I believe they are just informing me. I guess I am just paranoid that it will become something they don't want to deal with. They haven't really done anything to make me feel that way. I just worry too much I guess.

True private schools, as far as I can tell, have no obligation to observe an IEP or cater to the needs of a child with a diagnosis on the spectrum. IEP are public/charter school only. You are better off moving him elsewhere or finding a privateschool that ll accomodate a child on the spectrum. MAny private schools will not touch a child like mine with a 10 foot pole and will actively seek to drive such children away. My daughter was kicked out of a very competitive private pre-Kprogram once she recieved her diagnosis. They did not care.

Have you thought about a 504 plan. it is covered under the disability act and if not followed it is a civil offence. I recommend this because private schools... all schools... must comply. you can put anything on a 504 plan that you can on an IEP. I was told by a trustworthy professional that since this is part of the disability act it can help you outside of school such as in the job setting. Anyway just an idea.

Thanks for the replies. I will look into the 504 plan. So far his private school really has been great. I really have no complaints other than my own worries. He went to the preschool there when he was 2 and 3 years old so they know him/his difficulties and were still happy to welcome him back for kindergarten. None of the other private schools in the area were as welcoming, some were just out right rude. I just don't know if there is something I can do to help the situation or make his days in the class smoother. I have thought of offering to buy tools for the classroom (special timers, or visual boards that may help my son with transitions) or even to private pay for an aide to be with him a few days a week. They are a small school so don't have a lot of resources.

http://www.ldonline.org/article/6086/

http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10671.aspx

http://www.wrightslaw.com/blog/?p=9417

http://www.wrightslaw.com/advoc/article ... nfeld.html

http://www.wrightslaw.com/howey/504.idea.htm

The last article is my favorite.

For grins and giggles. I've seen more parents screwed out of help with a 504 than an IEP.
Your kid has Autism, so Dear Kid qualifies for an IEP. You have will more legal rights.

I know private schools don't have to do IEPs, but a 504 can be not much better than nothing. The school is holding all the good cards, while you have nothing.

Hope the above helps.

504 or IEP doesn't do much for you while in private school -- it's more of a backup to have in place in case you need to enroll in public school.

My son has AS. he does perfectly fine and then some academic wise therefore he is not eligible for an IEP. I know for a fact you can put the same exact stuff on a 504 as an IEP.... even transportation. please pm if you would like more details.

Is homeschooling a possibility? It became necessary for my son when he was having similar issues. I really expected it to be so difficult, but it has been amazingly easy. I was able to get the same curriculum his private school offered, and he can focus and actually learn more without the distractions. We all know how it is said that homeschool kids don't get proper socialization, but there is a neat aspect of homeschooling for autistic kids that is often overlooked. Instead of simply being thrown to the wolves like at a school, their social interactions can be planned, prepared for and taught beforehand so they learn the skills they need to interact with people, without the cost of their education suffering.

I know not everyone is in a position to be able to do this. My husband and I both work on an ambulance and work 24 hour shifts so one of us is always home. But if it is possible, it isn't an option that should be easily dismissed. It allows a "safe" place to learn not only academics but social skills and allows flexible "social skills days" like days when you review what you have learned about talking with others (about what they like too, not just their interests), taking turns, and making friends, then go to someplace like Chuck E. Cheese or whatever child-friendly place your child likes, or placing them in other activities like reading groups or a swim team where the others have a common interest. This has been the best thing I ever did for my son.

EMTkid-Your reply came at just the right time. Things have escalated substantially since I first posted a couple of weeks ago. My son is being sent to the office pretty much every day. It has gotten to the point he is trying to/succeeding in hitting classmates and his teacher. He has become a different kid even at home. I am sort of stunned how quickly this has deteriorated. The first couple of months were so promising. Last night was a real low point. My son has become so angry and frustrated that it doesn't even feel like it is him. For the first time out loud I told my husband I am seriously considering homeschooling. The teacher told my husband yesterday she wants to schedule a meeting about his behavior. I set it up for next week. This morning was a complete meltdown. He didn't want to go to school, screaming at me, then telling me he hates me, etc. Once I got him calmed down he said he wanted me to be there at school with him. I asked why he didn't want to go and again he said "It's too loud and noisy" and " the work is too hard for me". He seems to have had a decent day today (first in weeks). He told me it was because they didn't have a normal day. They spent a lot of time practicing for the Christmas Play. He said they didn't do much work so it was easier for him to be good.

I think it could be an option for us definitely. My husband and I both work about 30 hrs/week. We pretty much have our schedule set up where one of us is home. My son also spends some nights with his real dad so we tend to work nights when he will be away from the home. I have been considering cutting back even more...maybe closer to 20 hours. I really do think this is an option, but I don't want to make any rash decisions. I will have to see how the next few weeks go and what his teacher has to say.

Thanks again to everyone for their replies.