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So my 12 yr old son comes home from school today all upset. When asked why he pulled his jeans up to his knees to show 2 red marks from being tripped in gym class. Apparently a boy was teasing him saying he always has to mess things up and can't do anything right. He got the other kids laughing at my son as well. Then he started repeatedly tripping my kid (how he hurt his knees) so my kid tells the substitute teacher but she can't make it stop and mostly doesn't catch the boy doing this stuff. Then my kid says you son of a b*tch and throws a fake punch. I know this was wrong of him, he was so flustered. Then somehow the office found out and called my boy in there. He told them the truth about everything even his mistakes. They had him apologize to the boy for throwing the fake punch and cursing. The other boy had to apologize to my kid for tripping him and making fun of him. I had go email the school to find out about what happened, since my kid was repeatedly tripped, shouldn't they have called or emailed me to let me know about it? They said the other boy will be talked to at school tomorrow because it was the end of the day when this happened. I told them to let me know if my son is doing something go bring this on or no outrage this kind of behavior. What else can you say.... They said there is a video of this happening with no audio. They said it looked like the boys were engaged in aggressive play, and that my kid was never really actually tripped. They said my kid handled himself well and he will not get any infractions this time especially because he never has problems with other students. He has a nervous tic and has been blinking like crazy since he came home. He said he wanted to learn to professionally throw punches and use knives : ( I believe he said that with full intentions to only defend himself, but we had a big talk about how fighting is not a way to solve conflict( and that knives were out of the ?) He gets that, he just said it to me because he is so upset and worried about this boy now. I tried to make it clear to him to stay away from the kid as much as possible and if he does it again to immediately inform the teachers about it and that he may or may not try to get him revved up again. Did I cover all my bases here? My hubby also was telling him to never throw the first punch but if someone's hitting you, you hit back and defend yourself, which I know is true to a certain point it just makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. Any advice is appreciated Ty.

I can only offer one point: In the current climate of paranoia and zero tolerance, tell your kid that he IS NOT TO ATTEMPT TO DEFEND HIMSELF.

IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER.

Don't return a punch, don't return a push, don't return an insult, don't make a threat.

Tattle. Politely, unemotionally, in an even tone of voice. Do it over, and over, and over.

Make a pest of yourself, make sure they know that, since your kid is basically defenseless, YOU are going to defend him to the fullest extent of the LAW.

That's what they fear, it's the only thing they fear, and they fear it so much that common sense has been completely overridden.

I hate to tell anyone to act like that, but that's the way it is in this game these days.

That is one of my biggest hang ups here..tell him to not start anything physical but to defend himself if needed is such a gray area. If he does nothing and gets punched tripped or shoved, won't other kids give him hell for that through the rest of high school? If I had to get the law involved I'm not even sure where to start, we don't have tons of money to back that up with a lawyer. I'm wondering what they would say if I asked to see the video. I mean my kids got the red marks on his knee, they got there somehow. Is there acceptable " competitive play" where it's okay if he gets marked up? It's not just the marks either, he is so upset, he feels embarrassed in front of the other kids, and in a way threatened now. I'd like to see how his story compares to the video, but I don't know if that would be an invasion of the other students privacy. The school is going to talk to this other boy today. I have no idea if his parents will even be informed, what kind of warnings might be given to him or if there's any punishments for him. All I can do for now I guess is wait to see if he try's something else. He is in my sons 6th hour class Dailey so he can't be altogether avoided. This sucks.

I got so mad reading your post that I imagined if this had happened to my son, I would go to the principal and beat him up and tell him that if anyone else hurt my son, he would get another beating.

John Gatto wrote about the similarities of school and prison. The guards really cannot prevent the inmates from abusing each other.

We have homeschooled our three children and I am so thankful, I have never had to face dealing with some bureaucratic clown regarding the safety of my children.

If there is any way you can keep him home and home school him, I would recommend it. While many parents considering homeschool are initially apprehensive at the prospect, you would be amazed at how little is needed to surpass what is accomplished by so-called professionals.

Sadly, this is why the bullies have free rein in schools.

If I had a child, I could honestly never give them this advice. I made the mistake of following this advice myself, and I lived through 11 years of bullying.

DS's school has a communication paper where they write down every tiny thing he does wrong. When another kid threatened to beat him with a bat, they decided that wasn't important enough to put on the sheet. I think they were hoping we wouldn't find out about it. We sent them a note to let them know otherwise. Stupid, stupid school.

Tippy omg the patience you must have had to muster to get through that is beyond me. What is wrong with people?!?