New member needing advice please!

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Hi everyone,
I'm mom to a 10 year old Aspie son and wife to an Aspie husband!

I've decided to take the leap into homeschooling my 10 year old Aspie son. I feel confident that we are making the right choice, except the problem is we are not sure what the choice should actually be.
Here's the thing. My son was diagnosed a year ago but we knew long before that something was wrong as far as school went. Since KG he would scream and cry every morning to go to school and every night before bed begging not to go the next day. Guaranteed I would get a call at least once a week from a teacher about his behavior....mostly his refusal to do the classwork....but once he was cajoled and bribed into doing it, he's be the first one finished with all the correct answers. School bells would trigger a meltdown, as would stage performances and noisy classrooms. Once the diagnosis came it all made sense, so we pulled him from the school that wasn't doing him any good (if you're not a cookie cutter kid there you don't survive) and put him into a very small school with special needs trained teachers. He has improved academically and socially in the past 2 years there but he still begs and pleads to not go to school ever again. I know he is no longer being bullied and he is not being abused in any way...in fact, the staff is very supportive and gives him a lot of leeway if he's having an "off" day. Still, given his absolute hatred of traditional school and all things called "learning", we feel he may be happier at home and will excel beyond our expectations at this point.
Here's the thing: I'm a fairly "lazy" parent, meaning I don't want to be doing charts, logs, lesson plans, etc etc, all the things that homeschooling seems to entail. Obviously supervision and help is needed and that's fine with me but not an 8 hour day of said chores...I dislike school just as much as he does. So I looked into T4L and K12 and FLVS type schooling for him, thinking it would be perfect because everything is done up and there are teachers online to follow up. Another homeschooling mom reminded me that what we are doing now DOES NOT WORK for him (traditional schooling) and that bringing the same thing home will simply be more of the same resistance. I tend to agree! So now what do I do? I'm fairly certain once he deschools a bit and relaxes, he will be more willing to learn....right now it's like beating a dead horse....but should I bring brick and mortar home or go the full hippie mom type thing, making up lesson plans on my home made paper that I slaved over all night lol? I'm at a loss here. I don't know what combining the two systems entails, nor do I even understand where I will be starting with him because his days are so very structured at school and I want a much more relaxed approach at home. He likes and needs structure yes but it gets really old really fast for him. If you're still with me at this point I appreciate it! Long post but I hope somebody can guide me and if there are any Aspie students out there reading this and can offer advice, I'd appreciate it! Thank you....PS. I have enrolled him in an online course for writing computer code and I finally saw a spark in his eye...one I haven't seen for learning something new in years.

You'll be teaching him, he has to be able to talk to you productively. I would have a frank discussion with him what he wants, what you can do, expectations he can have of you and hold you to, and importantly what he will do that you can remind him of. Hopefully because it's fair, he will adhere to what he agrees to.

You go in hopeful this will work better then be calm and supportive knowing you are doing this for him, if it does not work to your satisfaction, you may decide things are better when he is taught by someone else,

And since writing lesson plans will sap your energy, I personally would not do that, I'd use something prepared and use myself for what I'm better at.

You can adapt for your son, he does not need and cannot and should not have perfect, that will not prepare him for the world. Your love and best effort does, whatever that may be.

Read to him. Provide lots of input without expecting output for awhile.

Let him spend large blocks of time pursuing his interests (when they are academic).

Make sure he understands that to be marketable in the future, he needs to provide something other people want.

Start with his goals for himself and find curriculum (etc.) that helps satisfy those goals.

I homeschool and I spend maybe 30 mins max preparing for the school day. Join local homeschool groups, sign him up for every library program, read do computer work. Super Teacher Worksheets is $20 a month but I literally use it for more then half his work , as well as T4L. What are his interests? Teach to them, teach using them.

its not as hard as you think you and your son will do fine!

Go visit secularhomeschool.com. Tons of great discussion there about different teaching styles and reviews of curriculum options. There are a lot of options that fall somewhere between the extremes of replicating school at home (which would take closer to 4 hours, not and going completely to unit-study style learning. Most people end up with an eclectic mix.

We tried homeschooling for about two months -- the actual teaching part was fine, but I also had twins who had just turned 3 at the time and we couldn't do school with them in the house, so when I discovered a small school for kids with Aspergers it was a better fit for our family as a whole. If you've got a math curriculum you like, it doesn't take much prep to turn to the next page and teach the concept. Ditto with phonics, grammar, spelling, and handwriting. I found that science, history, and art needed the most prep and cleanup, but there are curriculum you can buy and follow there, too.

I still hang out at the website. Here are some curricula I often see mentioned favorably to get you started:
Math: Singapore Math, Math U See,
Math (supplemental): Khan Academy, ReflexMath, Life of Fred, Beast Academy,
Phonics: Explode the Code, Progressive Phonics
Literature: Moving Beyond the Page, 5 in a Row
Composition: Bravewriter
Spelling: All About Spelling, Logic of English
Handwriting: Handwriting Without Tears
History: Story of the World
Science: R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey, Science in a Nutshell Kits, Supercharged Science

I hope the previous suggestions are hopeful. I want to say that it totally depends on your child. My aspie loved T4L! but I hated that it took so long. You couldn't speed up all the animations. He's a quick learner, slow processor, so it didn't work for me but might work for you.

I'll say more later, gotta gol

Very helpful and a lot to think about. I agree that I will basically have to have an agreement with my son so he knows he can't play on my weakness (his sweet face lol) to get out of doing work!

I have only been homeschooling about 1/2 a year. so I don't have a lot of info, but I think for us, the most important thing is getting a compromise mix that suits your teaching style and his learning style the best. We try to mix in hands-on things b/c it helps our son maintain attention, but not so much as the prep work burns me out. (Plus I do think he has to acclimate, eventually to doing "boring" work sometimes. )

My curriculum is really a hodge-podge of things for that reason. I did a lot of prep work over the summer, and had to throw some things out the window, when he did not take to them. Other things just took a little time to get him used to. I used some resources that I knew he liked from school, to transition him, and I am glad I did that.

I have structure in that I have designated times we do certain subjects, and I have a general plan of how we go from topic to topic in each subject. If he sits through some boring things, and he gets it done promptly, then we have time for more fun. If we are having a rough day, we go right to fun, but educational work on the relevant subject. I always try to have a lot of fun application type things I can use as a reward.

I do make him "go to school" for a full school day, which includes specials and electives. I think most people who home school, do not do this, as it is really not necessary, as you can usually get through things more efficiently at home. I do it b/c he is used to it, and is rigid, and helps him to take it seriously. Also, it gives me plenty of time for downtime when he needs it, or to put in extra fun things, and not worry about getting everything done.

Other people might find that promising a kid a 3-4 hour day (or whatever is needed) may make the child more compliant, but it just depends on your child.