Anyone else dealing with aggression at school?

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Hi everyone. I have posted a few times about my son. He is 5 years old and in kindergarten at a small, Christian school. He was diagnosed with pdd-nos. He has a lot of sensory issues and has delays in motor skills. He seems to desire having friends and have other kids like him, but he struggles with getting that to happen. Last year VPK was a nightmare at his old school. The first couple of months at this school were so promising, but now things are deteriorating quickly. He is getting sent to the office almost every day and has now gotten to the point he is hitting classmates, the teacher and screaming at certain parts of his day. (he showed no signs of this the first couple of months). Things really got to a low point when last Friday he went into such a rage before school that it didn't even feel like my son. They have decided to pull him from the Christmas Play and now have him with the VPK class while his class is practicing. I understand their reasoning...they feel it is too overstimulating. However, my son seemed sad when I told him what was going on. The teacher and director want to meet with us today so I honestly don't know what is going to come out of this. I am almost at the point of pulling him and homeschooling. I may not have a choice, maybe the school has already decided they can't handle him. I really don't want to put him in public school. I don't think any other private schools will accept him because his IEP explains his aggressive tendencies. Honestly, he is not aggressive at home at all. I feel like maybe the demands of school may be too much especially with all of the sensory issues..that may just not be the right setting. Does anyone have any thoughts or recommendations? Thoughts on homeschooling in my situation? Nervous about this meeting today.

Homeschooling can be excellent or not depending how it is approached.
So a few questions:

The first set have to do with the schools fulfilling their legal responsibility.
What did both schools do to address his sensory issues? What do you do at home? If nothing was done at the schools, this is a failure of the schools and should be addressed.

What is being done for him in terms of multi-sensory integration, imitation, and joint attention activities?

Did the schools fulfill what was detailed in his IEP?

Is your public school system willing to foot (help foot) the bill for educational materials?

The second has to do with your and your son's homeschooling feelings and preparedness.

Do you feel comfortable homeschooling? How does your son feel?

It started out well in this school, did you ask your son what happen?

Can you do blended, eg some classes at school some at home?

If you do not embrace homeschooling, you should not do it just because your schools are not fulfilling their legal responsibility.

I home school for pretty much that reason. I wouldn't otherwise, despite the other fringe benefits there are, as I think there is something to be said for exposing a child to the real world when possible. In our case, , where we live, there are not a lot of socialization options that suit our child. We did public school here, as even if I wanted to spend the $$$, all the private and charter schools nearby are more religious than academic and would have no clue how to deal with an autistic boy, even if I was OK with that.

It can work, but it takes a lot of time and effort and trial and error to see what works best with your child. Also, sometimes it is harder to get a child to want to impress you as opposed to impressing a lot of other people, depending on the temperament of your child. My child liked being respected for his intellect and liked to be a little show off. He is not motivated in that same way for me.

I don't do well with general questions, but if you have some specific questions I might do better with less rambling.

Thank you both for your replies.
KariLynn-
What did both schools do to address his sensory issues? Not a whole lot. I guess I knew that going into private schools that they wouldn't have as many resources. His current school pretty much just removes him from overstimulating situations (ex. Christmas Play)

What do you do at home? The only thing I have really been doing is taking him to private pay OT.

IIf nothing was done at the schools, this is a failure of the schools and should be addressed--Since they are private schools I don't think I have as many rights as public school. Private schools are not required to follow IEP.

What is being done for him in terms of multi-sensory integration, imitation, and joint attention activities? Just the activities at OT.

Did the schools fulfill what was detailed in his IEP? No, I don't think they have the resources. I guess I feel pretty dumb right now. I picked the small, private school because I thought the smaller class and smaller environment would be better for him. I do think it has some advantages but as far as being able to really help him in areas he needs...I don't think it was the best choice.

Is your public school system willing to foot (help foot) the bill for educational materials? All he qualifies for right now through public school is drive in speech (which I do private pay) and a once/month consult with ESE teacher and his current teacher.

The second has to do with your and your son's homeschooling feelings and preparedness.

Do you feel comfortable homeschooling? How does your son feel? I feel comfortable doing anything I can to help him. It isn't a dream of mine to homeschool but I feel I could do it. I haven't mentioned it to my son, but he has on numerous occasions said he wished I could just teach him or that I could be at school with him to help him.

It started out well in this school, did you ask your son what happen? He tells me the work is too hard (particularly writing which he does struggle with). I feel like he seems much more stressed and anxious. He has also mentioned he has no true friends and they don't understand him there.

Can you do blended, eg some classes at school some at home? I don't know if I could do this. Definitely something I could look into. I would have thought this would be harder at this young age.


ASDMommyASDkid- Did you pull your son out because of behavior problems as well? Did they seem to improve since doing that? Does he seem happier?

I did normal school, so I was not diagnosed as kid, but sometimes I simply needed a break or I got more and more exhausted/weird. This might not have been the correct solution, but I sometimes simply did the Ninjastuff and just vanished for some hours or even a day. Maybe you could test out, if doing a break from now and then (with you knowing and planning about it) could help him to calm down again?

I am not sure where you are, but I don't think you should completely discount the public school option. Private schools tend to be bad news for kids on the spectrum becuase they expect kids to "toe the line" so to speak and they don't really leave a lot of room for differences... on top of that they are under zero legal obligation to observe an IEP or accomodate a "special needs" child.

Our public school has been pretty good. My daughter can be extremely agressive however now that the school staff understand ASD a little better and understand what triggers her meltdowns and aggression, hey have been able to mitigate most of it. Most importantly she has a classroom aid, she takes scheduled breaks throughout the day, she is allowed to take extra breaks if she needs them, and she is given extra time to do her work. Yes, getting some of these accomdations was like pulling teeth however now that she has them and the staff ahve seen her improvement, they are all on board (School district itself is a different story they don't like paying for anything).

You have a good attitude, but it seems a little premature to start homeschooling.

First thing is to understand his sources of sensory over and undersensitivity, and start addressing them at home and at school.

To dry run homeschooling and supplement what he seems to be missing go to the library and get The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Kranowitz or any of her other books. "Attention Games" ,"Early Intervention Games: Fun, Joyful Ways to Develop Social and Motor Skills in Children with Autism Spectrum or Sensory Processing Disorders" by Barbara Sher will also be helpful. Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary "Executive Skills" Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential is a book by Peg Dawson that I also recommend. After reading those you will have a better idea of what is needed at school and potentially at home. Although you are an excellent parent, different brains can need different schooling and parenting.

Schneekugel- I haven't tried that this year, but last year when he was in preschool I would keep him home on occasion and it didn't seem to improve his behavior at school when he went back.

CWA- I am in Florida. In my county, we just had 3 schools close and from what I hear the other schools are sort of in chaos now with too many kids. In my gut, have just felt it wasn't the right place for him. The bigger classes, noisy cafeteria, etc I feel like would be a disaster for my son.

My son just asked me if I noticed no one sits at his table anymore? I hadn't because usually a lot of the kids are walking around when I get there. He said the girl that used to sit at his table moved to another table because she didn't want to sit with him. So now he is the only kid in class that sits at his own table. Should this bother me? No one told me this. I guess it bothers me because it bothers my son and he said it made him sad.

KariLynn- Just trying to have plan B in case this private school doesn't work. When looking for schools this was the only private school in the area that would even meet with us. So, I guess I am feeling like if this doesn't work out it is either public or homeschool.....

I will definitely check out those books. Thanks for the recommendations!

One of the good things about private schools is that sometimes they let you bring in your own support. If you had ABA services you might be able to get a school shadow or at least have a professional do some observations and help the staff and yourself come up with some ideas on how to best support your kiddo. Does your insurance cover ABA?

LizaLou74,

There inability to handle him and the resulting discipline issues were the reasons why I pulled him. I also believe, in hindsight., that that was what they were hoping I would do. I was not about to play chicken with them. It just was not worth it. He was so stressed out. I managed to get him out at the end of the year (which for an autistic person matters--as he likes to finish what he is doing) which is a natural stopping point and it was on a *high* note. I was told that they had no idea who to place him with this term, I did not like their attitude, and I decided it was not worth his mental health to do another year. Part of me feels bad that I did not fight harder, but on the other hand I know the result would have been terrible, so there you go. His current grade (3rd) is when they start they high stakes testing and so no disruptions from him would be tolerated, especially given the way they were acting about everything. I had them do an end of year Functional Behavioral Analysis, and it was cr**. It was inaccurate as to what they felt "worked" and I felt like it was just putting him on a path od escalation as they mainly planned to deal with him by getting harsher with him.

It took me a summer of detox (plus a couple of months of home schooling) to get my little boy back. His behavior is back to how it was, prior to that mess, maybe a little better now in some respects. We still have issues with non-compliance etc. for various reasons, but I know why they occur and I know how to handle them without turning it into a "thing."

As far as the sitting by himself thing goes, it is heartbreaking when your kid wants to be social and that happens. It is possible that your kids teacher could appoint your child a "mother hen," basically another child who likes to take care of people to look after him,and might include him in things. We had this and it worked reasonably well until he started snuggling her when he would get stressed (She was like an in-school mommy in a way) He did not understand why that was not OK, and why it freaked her out. This happened when his regular teacher (who had a clue) was out. I told them he snuggles me at home when stressed and that was what needed to be addressed.

The school principal suggested I stop snuggling him at home in order to try to make the rules consistent and to fix it. That was when I knew that they really had no common sense. He needed tactile stimulative support and I told them to get his OT involved, but what the heck do I know? Withdrawing affection from my stressed-out son is a much better idea, right?

I told her no freaking way, but you know, worded nicer.

See why I had to pull him? It was like dealing with Bizarro-World.

SC_2010- We currently do not do ABA therapy. I have never really wanted to go that route and my insurance does not cover it. I am currently paying out of pocket for speech and OT which is very difficult financially. I do however feel the school would be open to someone coming in and observing and offering suggestions.

ASDMommyASDKid- Your reply made me think of my son! My son does the same with snuggling and that is crazy the school would suggest what they did to you. I will say that my son's school is trying. The meeting went better than what I was expecting. It seems they would like this to work and want to do what they can to help him. I let her know that he is very aware of "fitting in/not fitting in" and that he commented to me about sitting alone and that making him sad. I feel that the more isolated my son feels the more he acts out. It is sort of a vicious cycle....bad behavior>>isolation>>even worse behavior..and so on. It was almost like she was surprised and sad herself to hear that. She commented on giving him hugs seems to calm him down. Our goal is that after Christmas Break, they will be back to their regular routine at school and my son can begin to have more good days than bad. I guess I just have to see how it goes. He seemed to have a great day the day after our meeting. I am not sure if it was coincidence or if something we said in the meeting changed how the teacher dealt with him. I am trying to be positive that we can turn this around, but I also know that I would not continue to send him if it didn't improve.

Please do not feel dumb. Putting my daughter in a small, private school worked for her and there was no way you could have known that it wouldn't work for you unless you tried it. I actually think you are smart. You are looking at a variety of things to help your son, not just jumping on to the first option that feels right to you and disregarding other solutions. Not dumb. Diligent.

I think one of the reasons it worked for my daughter is that she had 2 years of pre-k in that school setting with a 1:1 for 15 hours a week who was a qualified special ed teacher. She served two roles: one was to help my daughter adjust to school, and one was to help the school understand how to adjust to my daughter. I know not all states have such an option, but one of the ways I talked my SD into it was by pointing out that I was paying for the private school out of pocket and had no intention of asking them to pay for it, and that I was not utilizing any other district funded resources for my SN child. The 1:1 did an awesome job of teaching the teachers how to manage her in the classroom and she was able to see exactly where my daughter was struggling and design interventions specific to her issues. By the time she reached kindergarten, she really didn't need a 1:1 anymore, and the 2 pre-k teachers were so well-educated in how to handle her that they helped the kindergarten teacher as needed. Plus the 1:1 spent a good amount of time during the end of the second year of pre-k meeting with the kindergarten teacher to answer her questions and prepare her. Just as an additional piece of information...her 1:1 her first year was actually her ABA therapist from early intervention. Then when she decided to go back to school, she hooked me up with someone she trusted for the second year of pre-k. This woman also did ABA through the early intervention program. They both had masters degrees in special education. Just sharing this because they were not paraprofessionals. They were professionals and I think that made a huge difference. They understood--not only the needs of my daughter--but also the teacher's needs regarding classroom management.

Remember: Smart, not stupid. You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel bad about.

LizaLou74,

I am glad that you meeting went well, and your son's day went better. Sometimes you can give them a different way of looking at things and it helps. Sometimes they see one thing b/c they assume that is what is there, and don't see the real causes and motivations. Kids on the spectrum are so different from each other and they tend to make assumptions either based on what they learned of as thee typical case, or experiences with other children that may or may not apply.

Well, That was short lived. Today was another bad day (hitting, kicking, scratching). I don't think I have been so stressed out in my entire life.

Those of you who have had problems with aggression and acting out...how did you handle this? I feel like my son displays aggression when he is overly stressed out or anxious. He had a lot of this in pre-k (horrible year), but over the summer when it was just days filled with mommy time and low stress these behaviors disappeared. I realize his life can't be NO stress all the time, but I feel like if I can minimize it things could improve.

I tried the typical consequence/punishment thing...bad days at school = no electronics (his favorite thing) and that completely backfired on me! The behavior just escalated. I don't know how to handle it. I have been reading and watching videos on Dr. Ross Greene's website (The Explosive Child) and I am hoping to learn more from that.

Just curious what other parents have done to reduce these behaviors.