....makes finding friends difficult

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RightGalaxy
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15 Jan 2014, 9:03 pm

I have a 15 year old in high school. He's lonely - no friends, only acquaintances. But it can be very difficult if there is a big, REALLY big drug problem at the school. I wouldn't want to see him with druggies.



yournamehere
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15 Jan 2014, 9:59 pm

that's exactly how I learned to build a social structure for myself in school. I know it is bad advice, but truthfully. it was a better idea at the time than putting myself in a closet, and playing with the same teddy bear. it was easy. like a special interest group. just a little trouble. I'm sober, and I turned out o.k. red eyes... o.k. dialated eyes... very very bad.



Dmarcotte
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16 Jan 2014, 9:39 am

What about outside of school? Does he have a special interest that could be turned into a hobby or would help him form friendships with groups outside of school?

My daughter is a writer and enjoys anime - she has found some 'friends' both online and through a club at school.

Drugs are everywhere and as long as you set expectations with your son that using drugs is not acceptable I see no reason why he can't interact with these kid. I had some friends when I was in school that has issues with drinking and drugs and I was the stable person they could talk to when they needed it. You may be surprised that he is actually a good influence on them.

But keep an eye on things. :wink:


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coffeebean
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16 Jan 2014, 1:37 pm

What's the situation with his acquaintances? What's his relationship with them like? More information about how he gets along with people, what he likes, and what might be holding those back from becoming friendships would help us give advice.



RedStar98
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16 Jan 2014, 3:12 pm

I'm 15 and have no friends in school. Nothing I or anyone else tries ever makes much difference, and sadly the answer closest to the truth is that there isn't much you can do. The thing I would suggest and it would be cool if my parents did more is just to make the home environment more warm/friendly and comfortable, and maybe talk to him a lot about his interests or anything he wants to talk about really. Or, if he doesn't really want to talk, just let him work on his hobbies/interests and let him know he has a safe environment.


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Dmarcotte
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17 Jan 2014, 10:04 am

Just a thought - who is upset that he doesn't have friends? Him or you?

If he is not worried about it, perhaps it is time to relax and let him be who he is.

We struggled with this concept for our child - she has lots of acquaintances, but only 3 people I would refer to as 'friends' and only because they actually seek each other out at school to sit together at lunch. Their friendship looks nothing like an NT friendship - but it works for them.

Just a thought.


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Dmarcotte
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17 Jan 2014, 10:04 am

Just a thought - who is upset that he doesn't have friends? Him or you?

If he is not worried about it, perhaps it is time to relax and let him be who he is.

We struggled with this concept for our child - she has lots of acquaintances, but only 3 people I would refer to as 'friends' and only because they actually seek each other out at school to sit together at lunch. Their friendship looks nothing like an NT friendship - but it works for them.

Just a thought.


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Irkalla
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18 Jan 2014, 3:54 am

I escaped into MMORPGs at that age. I made friends in other countries that I chat with on a daily basis, and have even sent and received physical mail.

Maybe he your son can try that?