Is 8 one of THOSE years?

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I know there are ages in which there are often upticks in symptomatology or issues. Is 8 one of those years? I can't remember.

My daughter's ability to emotionally self-regulate has recently taken a nose dive. We are having a lot of lengthy crying/sobbing sessions due to really small slights which she blows way out of proportion. Also more rigidity and a decreased ability to lose gracefully. She has reported this is happening more at school, though the school has not mentioned it. I can ascertain no "reason" for any of this. Is it "the age"?

It was when my son was eight that I first saw a marked difference between him and most of his classmates, whose growing maturity and all that comes with it, highlighted the fact that he was taking longer to get to that stage.

Is it possible that a heightened awareness of her difference is stressing your daughter and that's why you're seeing these behaviours?

For boys, they get a testosterone boost around this age and things can go a bit pear-shaped. Not sure about girls, but guess hormones kick in for them too at different stages.

It's possible, though she still seems very unaware compared to her brother's awareness at this age. At this age, her brother was literally asking "why am I different from everyone else? Why can't I do what the other kids can do?" If you ask my daughter if she is different from other kids, she will usually say yes. she is a better artist and she is smarter. Not the kind of insight that I think would lead to this!

I think it may also be--at least at home--related to the fact that her brother has entered puberty. He is usually very laid back and understanding of her...issues...and he largely accommodates her to avoid problems. But now that he has his own hormonal load to bear, he is much less able to let some of her "stuff" slide off of him. He gets upset, calls her on her behavior, she cries, this makes him more upset, he yells because he is escalating, she starts screaming, I get involved, and then I explain to her that it was her behavior that started the issue, then she really comes unglued. There is a lot of protracted crying, complaints that life isn't fair, claims that no one loves her, and statements that she just wants to be "normal." At first I thought the last piece was a greater awareness on her part, but when I probed, she means that she just wants a "normal" life, which apparently involves no yelling and no telling someone that their behavior was hurtful to someone else.

We've been on a long smooth stretch...maybe it is just one of the bumps that we are bound to hit sooner or later.

I work with children and I notice that at that age a lot of kids seem to have a huge leap in social awareness/social skills. The social skills gap between normal children and your daughter may be widening, and the awareness of that and problems caused by it may be causing her stress.

Second and third grades are tough because the rules for social engagement are becoming more complex. Just "saying you want to play" doesn't cut it anymore. Girls also begin to for clicks and learn to exclude other girls. I have been watching my 8 yr old like a hawk! To complicate things we just moved to new town and new school so old friends and familiar school is gone! I play a dirty trick and try to include interesting pins, necklaces and accessories to her outfits. Girls are like crows and they like the sparkly things. This makes them approach my daughter and kind of helps break the ice. It's a cheap trick but it works! From what your saying something is definitely up at school. Have you had a conference with her teacher to ask who your daughter is playing with or if there has been a change in who she sees her hanging out with. See if you can question whoever oversees recess. Something is up, and if your daughter is like mine, she's not going to tell you squat.

I was told that 2nd grade is when kids start really excluding and being mean to kids who are behavior problems in class, and that we needed to get DS's loud overreactions under control by then or he'd get crucified. We moved him to a non-public school for kids with AS, and he is happy and accepted by all the other kids (who all have similar issues). For us 8 has been extremely smooth, very few issues at home now that he's not stressed at school.

I'd suspect it might be something related to the way the other kids are treating her at school, that is causing her stress. Even if she's not consciously noticing she's different, she may be having interactions with other kids that are confusing and stressful. More stress at school = more difficult at home.