Question about son: normal for ASD?

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My son was diagnosed with high functioning autism when he was 5. He's currently 20. Of course his autism has always presented obstacles and challenges but we have been blessed that he was able to succeed all throughout school and he is now attending a great college. He has not been to therapy in years because he's been doing well, and we don't know any other families with autistic children so I don't really know what could be normal for young adults with ASD vs what would be a cause for concern or continued therapy.

I'm worried because his symptoms have recently started becoming worse over the past 9 or 10 months. He is much more sensitive to noises and overstimulation than he was before, and he stims VERY often compared to before (over the past few years he would maybe only do some vocal stims 5-10 times per day and stim with his hands/body 1 or 2 times, but now he's doing vocal stims maybe every 2 minutes all day, every day, and he stims with his hands and rocks frequently). A lot of his obsessions have also seemingly been reignited. He has always loved Nintendo video games and puzzles/legos/knex and of course these have always been present, but over the past few years they had waned a bit, which I assumed was due to his age and growing up. These special interests are back full force now, and my younger daughter (16) constantly teases him about playing and obsessing over Mario games and his puzzles/knex sets he got for Christmas. A very old interest in trains has also been reignited (he hasn't had much interest in them since he was around 11). He seems very content and completely absorbed in his activities and talks about them to us endlessly, but I'm just worried about if the sudden resurgence of so many old child-like interests is something I should worry about.

Though he's very much verbal, I know from past experiences that he will not tell me if anything's wrong or is bothering him no matter what I try, and I don't even know if something like that could be causing this or if this is just normal and not a cause at all for concern or action. I do know his roommate at college has been really mean to him this year (last year they were great friends) and yells at him frequently, calls him names, insults him, etc. and generally makes him very uncomfortable in his room (the guy doesn't even allow him in the BEDROOM of their apartment except for when my son goes to sleep). I've told him he needs to request a room change and that I'd be happy to help or get it done for him, but he adamantly refuses on the basis that they're "friends" and he shares his only 3 other friends with the roommate, and if he changed rooms he says they'd all hate him and he'd have no friends (which, based on stories he's told me about these "friends", seems to be an accurate prediction). He's said numerous times he doesn't like any of these people and they cause him a lot of stress, especially since he refuses to tell them he is autistic and therefore they are completely non-understanding and rude to him. I'm getting off track, sorry, the whole situation just really angers me.

To get back to the point: Is the increase in symptom severity and return to childhood behaviors and special interests/obsessions normal for a 20 year old? Is this something I should worry about, and is there likely to be a specific cause or reason for it? Sorry this was so long!

I can imagine two potential scenarios -
1) with increased independence, your son is choosing to engage in these behaviors that he suppressed when he was spending more time with you. Since he's on his own more now, he feels free to do them constantly, and they've become a more central part of his life. Is this an issue for concern? Only if it interferes with his ability to live life, make friends, and succeed in school/work.
2) Your son is very stressed/upset/in pain (maybe an untreated medical issue?) and is resorting to sources of comfort from his past to help him cope.

You also mention the roommate situation; it's important to get a look at the actual roommate and their interactions. I mention this because it may be what the roommate perceives as gentle teasing, or silly, playful, fake hostility (which is about 80% of college boy-boy interactions in my experience), is being perceived by your son as actual hostility.

One important thing to be aware of is that as your child becomes an independent adult, you need to start changing the way you address these issues with him. It is important to make sure he's a part of the process in understanding and identifying problems, and then developing solutions. Your role has to switch from overseer to trusted advisor, and so you need to start talking about these issues as respected equals (or as close as you can make it). You can't expect to just tell him what to do and have him follow those directions while you're not there. I only mention this because it's a common problem for all parents and young adults to go through, and it can be much harder for parents of people with ASDs.

I am in my 40's and still like to play Mario games.

When I was a kid I collected Transformers action figures, but I got so much teasing in jr high that I stopped. However once I got to college and away from the kids who did not accept this I started the collecting again.

My Dad is in his 60's and still plays with his childhood Lionel trains.

I wouldn't worry about those things. We are both gainfully employed with full-time professional jobs. Neither of us are diagnosed with anything though we've never been tested, either.

I would only worry about an interest, regardless of what it was, if it was causing other issues with his life such as affecting school work and relationships.

EmileMulder: I only see him and his behavior when he's at home on breaks obviously, which is why I was concerned--from what I'm seeing now, it seems like his current behavior (particularly the vocal stimming) would possibly cause problems in class and with making friends. On the other hand, he says he really tries not to do it when he's around anyone else at school because he's been told it's "weird" by others and has had a professor comment about it being distracting. But I think you're partially right because he says that he's been doing it freely at home, so maybe he does it more since he's been trying to suppress it for such huge amounts of time. As for the roommate situation, I'm very much certain it's actual hostility. For example, my son did something earlier in the year that he didn't realize was rude (and even so, it was relatively minor) and when his roommate arrived back with 2 of their other mutual friends, he proceeded to scream at my son in front of the friends, totally without warning, for half an hour, calling him all sorts of horrible words, telling him he was an awful person, calling him selfish, and so on. My son was totally blindsided, embarrassed, had no idea how to respond, and was extremely upset by the whole thing. This was the worst incident but he's yelled at my son in a similar manner before for things like not wanting their friends in the room all the time or when he has a paper to write or exam to study for, totally reasonable requests/actions. I'm definitely trying to let go a bit and allow him to have more independence, make his own choices, etc., so thank you for letting me know that I'm doing the right thing. It's just hard since he refuses to disclose his diagnosis to his professors/the college or his friends, leading to a lot of issues that he doesn't quite have the ability to navigate himself but that upset him greatly. I'm trying my best to simply guide him through everything.

Wreck-Gar: That's comforting that you guys both have interests similar to the things my son loves! Honestly, I'm not personally that concerned about what he's actually interested in since they're harmless and he loves them so much. In fact, just took him to the toy store today to let him spend some of his Christmas money, and he came away quite happy with a new lego set and some Nintendo/Pokemon figures. My main concern was over whether or not the resurgence of these interests with such intensity was a cause for concern. My son does have people make fun of him occasionally (once again, those college "friends" of his especially... grr), but he doesn't seem bothered by it at all. And plus, his high school friends that he sees when he's at home are much friendlier, understanding, and are interested in similar things.

Thank you both for the responses so far!

I am going to chime in with the following: Some colleges have single rooms that they have available for more $$$$. If so, I would think your son would be a prime candidate for an exception to their lottery system or whatever method they use to ration them. It may be too late for this semester, but if it is all affordable and possible to do his, I would recommend it. The roommate thing is not ideal for aspies, and it is not worth it for many(most) to make it work as a learning experience.

Your son should commute to college. That's what I did. As for the resurgence of the obsessions and other issues, such as making noises and sensitivity to noise, I can say that, for me, these issues have a stronger presence when I am anxious, upset, worried, or stressed. In particular, I will gravitate toward some old obsessions (though not nearly to the extent I did when the obsession was at its peak!), make hand movements, make noises, and pace. With the exception of pacing, I don't do these behaviors at school or around anyone other than my very understanding parents. It's hard, but I don't want my classmates to think ill of me. So, maybe the "friends" and roommate situation is making your stressed out and thus causing these issues. Also, I make noises and hand movements and pace more when I had to keep it suppressed for a long time. During the semester I spend more than 12 hours away from home most weekdays and thus I have to hold everything in all of that time.

My kids are a lot younger than your son, so I can't speak from experience. What I can share is that early on in my journey of parenting atypical kids, an aspie woman that I met online gave me advice that I have found to be helpful over the years. She saw a lot of herself in my young daughter. She said my descriptions were very much the way her mother described her at that age. The advice that she gave me was to make home a place that my daughter could be safe to be "as autistic" as she wanted/needed to be. She predicted that my daughter would eventually stop stimming in public of her own volition (true) and that she would largely learn to fly under the radar at school (true). She said what I could do to support this is to not expect her to maintain the same level of effort at home. Let her stim. Let her self-isolate. Let her focus on special interests. This, she said, would give her the downtime to recharge so that she could go back to suppressing it all the next time she was out of the house. I have never forced either of my kids to "act normal," though they both do their best to do so at school, and I totally understand why. But there is absolutely no expectation that they "act normal" at home. It seems to be working so far, so I always try to remember that my home should be an "neuro-atypical haven" for them (within boundaries of safety and respect, of course).

My suspicion is that at least some of this is a response to stress. Here is my take on it: if it is working for him, then I would let him continue on the path he has chosen. IOW, I would ask him if these coping mechanisms are helping him deal with the stresses he is facing in his life right now.

I would let him know that everyone, typical and atypical alike, has to find healthy ways of dealing with stress and that you recognize that because he is wired differently than you are, that it may very well be that you cannot understand his coping strategies, so you simply need him to communicate with you so that you don't have to try to figure it out on your own.

Let him know that if this is working for him, you are fine with it, but that if it stops working to let you know and you will help him find another approach. For my own son, I would add language that I am counting on him to behave in a trustworthy manner and agree to report to me when it stops working. It is important to him to be trustworthy, so I always try to add that I am "counting on him" to do it. Otherwise, sometimes he will neglect to tell me things.

I would speak to him like an adult, not like my child. I would explain to him your concerns in a straightforward and factual manner and let him know that you recognize his right to make his own decisions as an adult, but that as his mother, you will always be concerned.

So, to summarize...if this is his way of coping with stress and it is working for him, I would let him be. But if it is his way of coping with stress and it is not helping him deal with it, I would partner with him to find another way. I would probably also point out that as a responsible adult, it is his right to choose to stay in his current living situation, but that as a responsible adult, it is also his duty to take care of himself and find an effective, healthy way of dealing with the stress he has chosen to subject himself to. I hope what I am trying to say makes sense. I am having a hard time communicating succinctly this morning! LOL! The reverse of what I am trying to say is that if he is unwilling/unable to find a healthy way to deal with the stress of his living situation, then it is not responsible to choose to continue to live there. He has to do both sides.

Thank you everyone for your responses! I plan to discuss some of this with him in more depth later today since I'm driving him back to school in a bit (the 4 hour drive will definitely give me plenty of time...). I've talked with him some, mostly trying to figure out what exactly is causing him to seem so stressed, and it seems the roommate/friend situation is definitely the primary culprit. He's spoken to a trusted faculty member who has contacted the housing people on his behalf in the past, and he assured him that if he wants, he can most definitely get a single room for the rest of the school year, so he knows that option is there and it seems to have given him some relief. I'm trying not to get too involved or make his decisions for him. He says that for now, he's just going to wait and see.

InThisTogether, thank you for reminding me that home needs to be a safe haven for him. I've always tried to be cognizant of that, and generally I would say that it's true, as he's very comfortable, happy, and feels very loved and accepted at home. This has become especially true since he's gone off to college. I engage him in his special interests (as does his dad) and we generally refrain from commenting about the stimming. The only problem is his younger (NT) sister--polar opposite of him, the definition of an extrovert, social butterfly, etc. I think she expected him to go off to college and return having been transformed into a stereotypical college kid, which obviously was not going to happen. I'm working on trying to get her to understand that there's absolutely nothing wrong or bad about him liking stuff generally aimed at younger audiences, not wanting to have a lot of friends, etc. But then again he think she's just as weird, so maybe it works out