How to address hand flapping?

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Hello All,
I have a 3 y.o. son on the spectrum. He is super high functioning and very verbal. He is currently engaged in about 16 hours a week of ABA, and this has been really wonderful for him, for the most part, for these first two months. We are getting to the point where they are beginning to address his hand flapping and mouth noises, but my wife and I are concerned about how these behaviors have been addressed so far. We have asked them to stop addressing them for now, until we are more comfortable with how they will proceed.

These behaviors clearly serve some purpose for him, and we want to make sure we are 100% on the same page about the strategies used to address them before moving forward. We still have a couple of concerns.

First, it seems like everyone outside of our family believes he only engages in these behaviors when he is excited. The only replacement behaviors that they have offered so far include hand clapping, fist pumping and saying, "I'm excited!", or raising his hands in the air and saying, "yay!" We believe that our son flaps his arms under many different circumstances, not just when he is excited. He seems to do it when he is bored, concentrating, in transitions, nervous, and when holding back the urge to go to the bathroom. We are concerned it will be detrimental to lump all responses to these behaviors under the “excited” umbrella.

Second, we are very concerned about using any terms, phrasing, situations, etc. that attempt to coerce or pressure him. We’re worried that using phrases like, “What do your friends do?”, “Big boys don’t flap”, or “You don’t see any other kids doing it, right?” is similar to peer pressure, using shame or guilt to produce an outcome that society desires.

At this point, we are still discussing whether we would even like these behaviors to be addressed, as well as some options for how. But if we do allow them to start addressing the behaviors, what should we be looking out for? I know they will want to give him a replacement behavior, but shouldn't it be done by example rather than coercion? And without judgemntal or negative words?

TIA,
Ilynx

Dude... he is only 3.

I'm no expert, but I totally agree with you! Some NTs flap when they are little tykes. My Aspie flapped very similarly to yours. When he was older, maybe 6, we taught him to reduce it when in public and he learned that very well. That ABA sounds like it would confuse my son terribly.

As you said, often kids stim in order to concentrate. When he is stimming in public, you could give him a stim toy to keep his hands busy, or other substitutes.

Hand flapping is OG, old school, old as the hills. It's been around so long it might be better to look to slightly archaic ways of addressing it.

For instance, "Good morrow, Hand Flapping, how ist with thee this day? "

Happy April Fools to all!

Now that I have that out of my system, it sounds like trying to suppress it at this point might make therapy hard to distinguish from abuse. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof and so forth.

If one person keeps hand flapping, after a while they start to float off the ground doing it. That is a scary thing to have that happen to your child because you don't know how high up they will go or how far away they will float and where they will land when they stop flapping.




































April Fools.

You win today.

Seriously, who cares about handflapping? This is like when I was a girl, and older women would get all bent out of shape if you crossed your legs at the knee. Or if your bra strap was visible. My ex flaps all the time -- to me it's a useful way of knowing how he's doing. I do wonder how he manages to do it that fast without breaking his hands, but obviously it's not a serious concern.

My little guy is a 4 yr HFA who just started ABA. He handflaps and for many of the same reason yours does. Our ABA doesn't have it in on the list of behaviors, but if they did I would probably have them either take it off or delay it too. I could understand if there was a social issue or it was a major family issue, but if you don't care, why do it. I believe my little guy needs it, esp when we are focusing on the more important issues that ABA is helping with. I am NT and I still bite pencils and play w my hair when I am trying to concentrate.

We had playdoh as a reinforcer for them, my guy looooves it. He rarely tantrums and we notices the increase during ABA, they warned us it could happened. But I pulled the binder and 80% were around playdoh so we pulled it. We didn't debate it with them, we just told them and they were completely cool with it. It did the trick too. A good therapist has you as part of the team.

This is one my issues with ABA - sometimes they care about things that they really should not care about.

Hand flapping is a common ASD stim, or self-stimulation technique, that helps ASD individuals calm and center themselves. Other common ones are rocking, chewing, and pacing. You may, over time, see any or all of those.

When you try to teach them to control the behavior, you've taken away a valuable tool, and it can backfire on you with an increase in meltdowns. Instead, over time, you will want to see if you can help your child substitute more publicly acceptable behaviors, and to also teach your child time and place. Also, use increased activity in these areas to help you identify your child's stress factors: the stims will usually ramp up when your child is encountering something that agitates them or causes them stress. Side note: excitement can be similar to stress, in that it can be something difficult for children to self-manage (I basically learned to keep my son from getting too excited about anything, for where there is an up, there also tends to eventually be disappointment and a crash). When you know your child's stress factors, you can help control his environment to keep him functioning at his best. OK, I could write books, but we have threads in our parenting index on all the tangents I'm tempted to head into ....

Anyway. Big points to you for realizing that this seems to serve a purpose for your child and having it taken off the list. You know your child. You are paying attention. Your son will thrive because of that more than he will from all the therapies he is going to get. Never let anyone convince you of something that goes against your instincts. Believe in what you, as the parent, feel about something.

One thing I recommend, by the way, for the long term, is deciding home is the "free" place. Your child gets to flap and rock and chew and crawl over the furniture and move as he needs to in order to feel centered, calm, and right with the world. At home. Everywhere else, you will teach him to reign all those behaviors in. Gently. Little things like holding his hands when outside walking and he starts to flap, or handing him a fidget toy. Something socially acceptable. But, for now, he is three. Why not let him flap?

One of the first changes I made with my son when I found ASD forums was to stop trying to get my son to stop his stims. I learned from the adults in a place like this one why they do it, and was encouraged to see what happened if we simply allowed it. Since my son is a fidget monkey and a pacer (as in up and over furniture) this was no small thing, for it basically meant the destruction of our "nice" home. But the experiment taught us something. We had a calmer, happier son with far less meltdowns. Given how scary the meltdowns are, less meltdowns is, for me, a far better goal than looking normal in public. I've never looked back or regretted that choice. You will, of course, have to decide for yourself what your unique son needs most, and what is best for your family, but I've been happy with this choice for us, and so I "sell" it.

My son is almost 17 now, by the way. Out of all services. Doing well in school. And in life. He has friends. He is a great kid. The things people did to help him - they worked. All worth it.

.

I take issue with any approach that restricts someone's ability to move their body as they choose (as long as it harms noone, of course). I'd be telling the ABA people to go stuff it up their arses. You may favour a more tactful approach.

Young NT children flap their hands when they're excited, yes?
So...if your son is flapping as a result of excitement, and he's a young child, then isn't that an NT behavior?
If so, why is ABA addressing it at all?

That's what I would ask.

I am guessing it is on a list of "odd" behaviors to extinguish so the child has less social difficulties in the future. I wouldn't worry about it now. I would assume at a later age, it can be addressed then. I think that would be a better time b/c the rationale will make more sense. Right now it just will seem arbitrary and mean. I would also talk to the ABA practitioner to make sure he/she understands that stimming has a purpose. I have heard (not experienced) that even some professionals do not understand that stimming has a functional purpose. If that is so, I would try to find someone else. If they view it as just non-functional, socially maladaptive behavior, that would not be someone I would want to work with.

I do not think it is very common with NT kids, actually. Not something I ever noticed kids doing in my children's play groups or preschools. Although in the end I think that is besides the point.

what you describe is consistent with what is known about stims. They often serve to up and/or down-regulate physiological arousal. So like you said, when excited to calm down, or when bored to keep awake. Teaching replacement behaviors seems like a fine way to go about it, as long as they aren't punishing or stopping the hand flapping, but just teaching alternatives. That just gives him a wider range of skills, to express / contain his excitement.

I do agree that it should be a relatively low priority, especially when working on basic verbal skills. The main problem with stims like this is social stigma, and if the child is still learning basic verbal skills, they are going to be stigmatized anyway, so why waste time on something so (relatively) trivial? Then again, if it gives them an opportunity to teach him the concepts of "excited" and "bored", it's probably worth at least labeling the emotions when they come up.

Go with your instincts, mama!

I don't think it's worth addressing. It's likely a very helpful tool for your son, and you don't really want to take away his natural helpful tools..

Handflapping doesn't hurt anyone and it doesn't hurt property. It doesn't need to be stopped. If it does cross into that territory (or is overly distracting to others in a particular circumstance), then it can be addressed in the context of that scenario, either by moving your son or by substituting another action.

At 3, I can't imagine it's socially stigmatizing to his peers. My son is 7 and is a handpflapper and it isn't socially stigmatizing yet. If and when it becomes a social issue for him, then that is the time to address it. (I rock, but choose to do so only in private, in public, I am more likely to bounce my legs as it's less different.). But if he doesn't care, than I wouldn't prematurely introduce those thoughts.

My son stims with his hands too. We re trying to reduce it. We are aware it is his way to stimulate himself if he is bored or nervous or anxious. But he is causing blisters in his hands from constantly flicking them and they are now scars. So his stimming is actually hurting him, but he keeps doing it. I try to stop, but don't know what to do.