I would be so grateful for some information. uk mum.

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Hi everyone, My name is Tracy and i am a mum of 5 children. Ages range from 4 years- 14 years. 2 boys 3 girls.
My youngest son is only 8 years old and we have always thought something was very different about him. In his first term of primary school he was kept back a year so did 2 years in class 1 as they thought he was very behind where he should be.
At the time we had just moved house which really did distress and freak him out a lot.
3 Years later we moved back to the estate we had recently moved from. He again seemed very agitated and tense and scared. At the time he was only 7.
Since we have come back and as he is getting older his problems seem to have intensified literally overnight. We thought perhaps he had adhd or dyspraxia. But his school requested an urgent appointment with the school mental health nurse.
He suspects from what we said that its very likely he has a form of autism. After doing much research he fits most of the criteria for Asperger's and we have an appointment with a specialist for the 15th march.
His school have also requested that we let him see a behavioural therapist.
His condition seems to have deterioated when his dad had an heart attack on the 11th december. Poor ryan was convinced daddy was going to die, and despite our very thorough repeats of what was wrong with daddy we explained daddy would be better very soon. He just needed time to recover. which coincidentally he is doing.
In school they are very concerned about his violent outbursts, in one incident some girl who has picked on him repeatedly was hitting him and the teacher eventually saw what was going on and they shouted to ryan to ask if he was okay and his response was to run away and start beating a fence up. When the teacher pursued him he hid behind a bush for 30 minutes and when they eventually persuaded him to come in he refused to come into his classroom. He has also changed in his behaviour prior to december he used to chat constantly in class, now he goes out of his way to disrupt the class and when the teacher tries to remove him he hides under the table and refuses to come out.
He sings to his food which he is slowly stopping doing, he talks constantly as in from 7am-10pm sometimes 12 cos he does not seem to need much sleep, he sniffs his food like a dog before he will put it in his mouth, he will talk to himself and have a full blown conversation with himself.
He constantly threatens violence to his brothers and sisters he recently kicked me for saying his friend could not come in.
So the school mental health nurse is gonna assess him on thursday, he will be seeing a behavioural therapist, and awaiting his appointment in march but what else can we do to help him?
Everyone picks on him and bullies him and most people have said to me he is a very odd little boy his school headteacher recently informed me that i have a very disturbed little boy on my hands.
I do not mind admitting that he is driving me to the edge of insanity, yes i accept he cannot help some of the things he does but some i am sure he just does because he thinks he will get away with it.
He is also very obsessive and everything has to be done a certain way if not god help us.
I just want answers and i know they are not gonna be immediate but its just all the little things piling up at the moment and it feels like ryans issues are just the icing on top of the cake. Please someone point me in the right direction and hopefully i can start to understand my little boy better than i do now. Thank You. Tracy.

As a parent, never let things go unnoticed about what your son is doing/what he is up to. I can't relate to you in the terms of being a parent, but as an Asperger diagnosed young man I faced some impediments in school. I was diagnosed at 16, which was a bit too late as the problems got out of hand(me being bullied). You're lucky to have your son diagnosed at such an early age because now you can start to take the precautions my mom never got the chance to due to my late diagnosis.

Now I am going to assume(from my own experience) that your son doesn't tell you or his father about the problems he faces at school. It is very important that you question the teachers as often as possible about an update on your sons issues, especially those regarding bullying. When I was at his age, the teachers pretended not to notice what was happening to me. They just told my mother "he is not fighting back".
The years he is going through now will shape him until he reaches puberty. And if he is traumatized at this age, his symptoms will worsen as he reaches puberty. This happened to me. My problems built up from elementary school and became incredibly hard to deal with during puberty.

I don't know if I can give you any other advice than to pay close attention and to literally interrogate his teachers.
You can try to get help from an external institution, so that they can give him an alternative way of going through school.
The barbaric school social mentality is too rough for us who are ASD's.

That's all that I can think of at the moment. I hope everything goes well for your son. God Bless him!

I don't have much advice to offer, but wanted to say good luck.

What's being done about that?

Hi Tracy:). I'm also in the UK, have three children, the youngest being an 8 year old son(AS). I see you've had some lovely support and advice already. I'll send you a pm in the next 24 hours for extra information and support.
Take Care

the road to a dx can be a rough one...hope yours goes smoothly!

Hi, I am amom of an 8 year old boy who was diagnosed 7 months ago with aspergers and like your self wasnt sure what was wrong with him. We also new there was something different about him. He had odd behaviors he also sniffs his food like a dog before he tastes it. At one point he was obssessed with acting like a cat he would get down on all fours and pretend he was hacking up a hairball anf licking himself and purring. He did this in public places, school and the doctors office. I didnt know what was going on. Thankfully he has dropped it people used to stare and laugh.His routine always has to be the same any change could be chaos. He has an attachment to strange objects like rocks, sticks gum wrappers pieces of metal string.He will only eat certain foods, no sauces plain hamburger no ketchup or anything. He is an excellent reader he taught himself. He talks non stop doesnt like to be interuppted, he paces back and forth nad does the finger flapping. He gets very anxious in crowds, he just likes to be home(his safe haven). he loves video games and are very good at them, loves music. I hope some of this helps feel free to pm me at any time i could tell you alot more.

Lok forward to hearing from you maybe we can help one another. Take Care and remember they may be different but they are still our children and they look to us to care for them and help them as much as we can.

Thank you all for responding its nice to know its not something you have to deal with alone.
In answer to the bullying question I am in contact with the school everyday and any incidents no matter how big or small i am informed of.
Luckily ryan has a younger sister who is in yr3 he is yr 4 but the classes are combined so she also keeps me informed about what ryan has been up to.
Have to admit I am slightly puzzled cos when people pick on him, which as soon as i see it when he is home and on the front i bring him in. But he does not seem to hurt like most children if someone hits him or attempts to he smiles and says thank you..... words fail me.
Also am i the only parent who has a son with an extremly moralistic attitude or is this normal for aspies??
When we moved here a year ago it was our first morning here and i awoke to ryan shouting at someone, so I got up and went to look, and he had only opened a window and was screaming and shouting at one of our new neighbours for dropping some litter on the floor. Hr even threatened to ring the police, I was mortified, and he was irate that the man should not have dropped rubbish on the floor.
Thats just one of many incidents but its his pet hate at the moment when people drop rubbish on the floor he will even pick it up pursue them and tell them to put it in the bin.

My son has an attitude as well He tells it like it is and does't hold back. For example my next door neighbour drops by he looks at her and says bot you sure are some fat. i almost died i said that is not a nice thing but he was just being honest. He lacks empathy for others he does't mean anything and he honestly thinks it is ok he is also very naive kids hurt him at school and he gets upset with me because they are his friends i tell him friends dont hurt you but he so desperately wants friends

aspie kids can be fairly righteous, even aspie adults can be.
it is interedsting to know if your son is on meds?
this may explain the sudden change in bahaviour.
im not a doctor but i see a good aspie specialist psychologist and she explained to me that a lot of anti psychotic meds will make aspie....more depressed and psychotic, due to our nural differences to non aspies.
worth considering.

Sorry, I don't want to sound argumentative, but I'm confused. You just told me that you're aware of his being bullied, thanks to good contact with the school and information from his sister. That's a good thing, but... I already knew that you knew it was happening, because you mentioned it in a previous post. What I was asking was, what is being done?



Have you asked him why he thanks them?

Tracy…You wrote:
“But he does not seem to hurt like most children if someone hits him or attempts to he smiles and says thank you….words fail me.”

There are perhaps two parts to this issue. The first is that autistic/AS children and adults for that matter, have great difficulty reading the social/emotional behaviour of other people. Many do not enjoy attention, especially overly emotional attention given when they have actually been hurt/injured.

Then there’s the pain threshold issue which is quite broad. Autistic people may be hyper(over-sensitive) or hypo(under-sensitive) on any or combinations of several of the five sensory channels. There are severely autistic/severely intellectually impaired people who have little or no perception of pain caused by direct impacts caused by falling from heights or out of fast moving vehicles until there is serious tissue damage. Some do not feel high temperatures from boiling water or hot surfaces such as irons or hot plates – again until tissue damage has occurred. One fellow, when very anxious, manually extracted four lower front teeth overnight some years ago). Some do not seem to need anaesthetics when sutures are used after surgical procedures, yet these same, apparently hypo-sensitive people can also be seriously hyper-sensitive to textures of fabrics(usually fine or silky) or subtle noise or even reflected light. One man was easily over-stimulated by light reflecting off bubbles when he was given a bath or by light reflecting off shiny surfaces in stores. When this happens, he literally goes berserk.

My eldest son(now 21yrs) was similar to Ryan in that he was a stickler for picking up rubbish and when he started his new school here in the UK after moving from Australia, he was seen as the teacher’s pet due to the praise she would give him for being so tidy in the classroom. His reward from fellow male classmates was to attempt to drown him. A moral attitude is a fine thing but perhaps a word about the dangers of approaching people such as new neighbours/strangers, including shouting from afar at them, is not acceptable behaviour. You’ll find quite a few moral aspies enjoying fine careers in law enforcement(I know of an Aspie judge), medicine and teaching to name but a few.

Just to add to my earlier post on behaviour, much of the behaviour of autistic children/adults that is seen as a problem and is frequently targeted for “treatment”, “cure”, “correction” is actually symptomatic of the need for structure. If a disturbed autistic person is given the structure they need and crave, then the anxiety-driven problem behaviour disappears.
Best Wishes

Hi Louise Sorry I was rather tired last night so that probaly went over my head. What are the school doing to deal with the bullying??
Now I have a sneaky suspicion that my answer to this is gonna be pretty similar to other parents experiences.
They usually just seperate whoever is involved and send the tormentors in for 10 mins or make them miss one breaktime or send them to the head teacher.
Ryan (in their opinion) is as guilty as the other children as he usually instgates some of the incidents.
So confusing yeah story of my life, but I guess the most frankest answer is they keep an eye on the situation and try not to let it escalate.
I have even on some occasions requested that ryan be kept in at playtime to stop the bullying but he then explodes with temper cos he wants to play with his friends, but as daisy diana said he has not yet realised that these children who play with him one day in school and then beat him up the next are NOT friends but he will defend them to the hilt.
So to summarise not a damn lot to stop the bullying not what i can see anyway.
Before youy guys pounce on me for not doing more I have to honestly say what more can I do?? I have been told by the LEA that if i withdraw him from school ( which by the way is entirely my choice as they told me) it would make it impossible to get him statemented.
So I contact the school everyday to get updates on any incidents, and kick of to the max when anything happens which has appeared to get me nowhere .
Any suggestions?? I am open to any suggestions at the moment cos I just feel like my hands are tied, if i withdraw him from school, he will not get a statement is basically what they said, and I feel we desperatly need it doing......

I think I would lose my head today if it was not attached lol.
Ryan is not on any medication as we have not yet had a positive diagnosis, in answer to louise i have asked him why he says thank you when people abuse him and his response was its polite to thank people who give you something.
We did sit down and have a discussion about how its not acceptable to let people hit you or abuse you or try to hurt you but its either not sank in yet or i have not explained it correctly.
Juliette thank you for the information on the sensory thing another thing I was not aware of, also about the stranger thing this is something that all of the children have had drummed into their heads from being very young.
But once Ryan gets an idea in his head he opens his mouth and before you can forestall him whatever he is gonna say has been said and the damage is done.
I have even had irate parents on my door threatening violence because of ryans behaviour or what he has done to their child.
I feel we have come to a point where it is not safe for ryan to be outside unless accompanied by an adult as he cannot control what he says to people be it an adult or child.
Where we live its a little hole in the middle of nowhere okay its not but its a small council estate surrounded by fields and farms etc. And outside our local shops we have what are termed as shoppies which basically are gangs of teenages who have nothing better to do, and who are out to cause trouble, most people do not go to the shop if they are there.
Ryan has no qualms going up to them and telling them to go get a job, etc things which he has heard other people say, and i do worry that one day his mouth or rather lack of control will get him hurt.
But is it wrong to keep him in the house kinda making him a prisoner in his own home?
See I confess I am feeling pretty lost on several issues regarding Ryan.

your house is only a prison if you view it as one......my hubby ( who's aspie), and my aspie son would love to just stay home & go nowhere. for heaven's sake, hubby and i even ended our honeymoon 5 days early so that we could go home.

Lol Ster home is where the heart is i guess.
I have decided I am just gonna update this everyday or 2 as things happen and hopefully that might make it easier,lol.
Yesterday during the first lesson of the day everyone was sat down and Ryan jumps up and starts charging round the classroom singing and dancing.
His teacher sat him in the corner and he promptly pulled all the things of the wall.
When she went to stop him he jumped under the table and started kicking children and chairs.
They ended up removing him and he spent the entire morning with the headmistress helping her to tidy the computer room up, so he missed english and maths that morning. In the afternoon he started again and was removed and as the headmistress was out at a meeting, he was sent into the nursery class were the senco was for the afternoon.
He spent the after noon trying to escape through a window. He came home from school had tea and wanted to play at his cousins house I said no for 2 reasons 1) His cousin is 14 years old 2) His cousin has ADHD and is prone to outbursts of temper and Ryan does not need further encouragement.
So after I said no he went upstairs and punched his elder sister, then tried to strangle her, so I intervened and seperated them firmly talking to Ryan about how inappropiate it was to be violent.
When I turned my back cos i was finishng painting the toilet. He went in the bathroom for a drink of water went into his sisters room and tipped it all over his sisters bed. Then rolled over and over in it.
By the time he was completly settled and ready to sleep it was 11pm.

This morning I have been on the phone to the school as Ryan would not go this morning as yesterday (which i only found out this morning) his teacher told him none of the kids in his class wanted him back in the classroom.
Which distressed Ryan and made him very uncertain about going, so I rang the headmistress and once againr ead her the riot act and told her that the way ryan's teacher was handling the situation, all wrong and if she contineud she would make ryan's behaviour even worse.
I also chased her up about the educational physcologist only to be informed he is coming in on the 14th march.
The school mental nurse is gonna sit in class tomorrow and observe ryan in a class enviroment.
Oh and the headmistress has informed me that she has rang the behavioural team once again and basically told them that if Ryans issues are not addressed immediatly then she has no option but to exclude him permanently from class.
So I rang the special needs department and had some parrot repeatedly inform that until ryan had been seen by the educational physcologist no statement would proceed.
From the day the ed physc sees him it can take up to 26 weeks to get the statement and all the evidence etc.
By this time I was seriously irate I think my blood pressure must have soared through the roof,lolol.
They agreed to ring Ryan's school and to speak to his headmistress.
But then I had a brainwave and rang Willow Grove. Its a special needs school that deals with behavioural issues. My nephew used to attend there. The headmistress there informed me that via the special needs department they could award Ryan an emergency placement at Willow Grove for urgent assessment.
However the special needs department claim that nope this is not procedure.
Also the headmistress said Ryan could attend there whether we have or have not a statement for him which really made me feel better as I know the help is on offer if I can get a referral. All I have to do now is to convince the guy who is on the special needs assessment team that Ryan seriously needs a placement.
Come on guys any ideas how to charm this guy?? Short skirt etc lolol. Sorry terrible sense of humour.
So my plan of attack for tomorrow is to pursue this guy relentlessly for a referral for Ryan. I have been told many times I should ring for local MP as I have the gift of the gab. I think what people are really saying is i talk sh_t lol.

Angel,

My son is home all the time, supervised, he never wants to go anywhere so for now i dont have to worry about where he is and if he will say anything that will upset people and like you said he could get hurt because of it. He doesn'e see it as hurting someone when he says something to someone you know that to us is rude he thinks he is just being honest. Having him home all the time is sressful but at least i know for now he is not causing anyone trouble. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone and once someone says that your kid is bad they uusually dont want anything to do with your child anyway. School is not too bad he has a full time student assistant which helps a great deal.

My heart goes out to you cause i know what its like but it sounds to me like you have had a very bad day, you should try to relaxa and do something for youself i know it is hard but sometimes you have to do it to keep your sanity.