She seems fine, I'm not coping.

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It is inevitable and I knew would happen and is. My daughter turns 17 next Monday. She is accepted in a group of people she knows and has been included in since year 7, she is now year 11. As this group of people she knows, she calls them friends. As they are maturing beyond and past her they are leaving her out even more. They were more accepting of her when they were younger, but they are becoming more independent (boyfriends, parties, going out without parents)

I think it is me not coping, not my daughter, she is not coming to me talking about this. I am just seeing and being aware. The two girls in particular in the group were closer to my daughter than others in the group, and now I've noticed my daughter doesn't get asked to celebrate those two girls birthday this year. I saw a facebook page of one of the girls and there are photos of her birthday and who was there.

I am so down, about this. I know my daughters world will get smaller again, when she finishes her school year next year. I just hope that she can still be at least included in the group till she graduates secondary school.

If your daughter doesn't notice (or doesn't mind) then it's probably better not to mention it to her. A lot of the people I thought were my friends in high school I now realize were not, so it could be that she's not aware they are drifting apart. Does she belong to any organizations outside of school? A club could help her forge new friendships with people who share her interests, and she could continue in the organization into adulthood. If there are no clubs nearby that cater to her interests, you could always try church. I am not a religious person, but churches usually have charitable and social groups one can join. You could join a group with her if she feels uncomfortable attending alone. I know I didn't want to go anywhere by myself at that age.

There are things that are hurtful as a parent that you hope your child does not internalize; but it is still painful. I would get so sad when I would go to school for something and see the other kids socializing and my child by himself. He was OK with it, but I could not help be upset, even though intellectually I knew it was not his thing. I wasn't especially social myself and it still bothered me b/c socialization is what we are told everyone should want and that everyone ought to be able to do it.

Your child is way more advanced in socialization than mine may ever be, but you will feel that way, also, because you know where the bar is "supposed" to be.

Even in the NT world, friends drift apart, and it becomes harder to make them as an adult. She will be happier if she wants a social group, to find one that she has more in common with. So even though the drifting apart is sad, it may lead to better, more satisfying friendships in the long run. She could join special interest type groups and that kind of thing, if it suits her.

she might realize it and be keeping it to herself to not make you worry

its what I did and still do with my mom I try to keep my problems to myself to not make her worry

Just to throw a different idea out there (of course, I have no idea if it is true or not, but it is a plausible explanation)...

It is possible that she knows about the party and is not interested. It is even possible she is thankful she wasn't invited. The older you get, the more social rules you have to understand, and in an environment with a lot of people doing a lot of things (like a birthday party), it can be overwhelming. The requirement for small talk alone can be staggering.

I am reminded of my daughter's teacher's words earlier this year. She said that one of the things she wanted for my daughter this year was for her to get closer friends. The funny thing is? My daughter is absolutely happy about the friends she has. She knows they get together for more "play dates" than she does. But she doesn't care. And she is a kid who wears her heart on her sleeve, so I an certain she really doesn't care. Even though as a mom, I feel I should care. But then I realize that I am judging her relationships based on my own notion of what "should" be. And I realize that the reality is that it shouldn't be that way. If she is happy, I need to accept it at face value until she either tells me otherwise or shows signs otherwise. Otherwise, I am simply judging her against my yardstick and not hers.

I don't want this to sound harsh. I know that I would feel the same way if I was in your shoes. It's hard not to as a mom.