Finding summertime iPad balance

Post Reply New Topic

How do you inspire your kids to use free time on the iPad for anything other than video games? This is my 13 yr olds heroine. It's not video games in general that bother me, in fact I like to play my own games. It's just every time he is awarded free time on the iPad it's the only thing he wants to do. Any suggestions? What cool sites for teens are out there that I could try and steer him too? His interests Are the games. He does play on a baseball team. He is so passionate about the games though. I'm getting a little worried about this with summer coming up. He's in summer classes half days too so there will be some structure for him. I just don't want him being a complete vidiot all summer, and I'm certain there are cool things for teens to do on iPads, I just have no idea what that may be.

My son is only 8, but to me free time is just that -- his time to choose whatever he wants to do. As long as he is doing other things like summer classes and baseball, and the total amount of electronics time is acceptable, I wouldn't try to police how he spends his time on the iPad.

Zette part of me feels that way too. I just wish I can find a way to help him branch out a little more. It concerns me how obsessive he is the instant he knows it's free time.

teach him how to research special interest

I agree with Zette. if you tell him the iPad time is free time, then he should get to pick. If you expressly want him to use the iPad for other things, then I would have a different time for that. I am a little confused about what you are wanting b/c it does not sound like you have anything specific in mind. Do you just want him to practice using the iPad for things other than games? I am kind of confused about why he has to be on the iPad. if you don't substantially increase his iPad time that would solve the "vidiot" issue, right?

I rolled it around in my mind, and I made an analogy for myself to try to understand. Is it analogous to giving a kid an allowance and then being upset that he might spend all the money on candy (iPad game use) or something and won't save any of it (use the time more productively)? You don't want to reduce the allowance, (iPad time) but you want him to allocate it (the iPad time) more wisely?

(My husband suggested checking to see if there might be info on making games he might want to access, but we don't know the name of any specific sites.)

Edited to say, I did not see your other post when I was replying. It sounds to me that your main issue is how obsessed he is, right? The special interest obsession is par of ASD. Sometimes my son has special interests that are more intellectual and sometimes they are inane. As a parent it is easier to accept the obsessiveness when the special interest is more substantial, so I understand. it is possible to encourage a child to branch out into related things. It could lead to 3-D modeling, graphic art design, writing fan fic about his favorite games, programming, etc. just off the top of my head.

That said, it seems like he is already doing other things, so I don't know that the iPad games are so terrible, even if the interest seems way too intense for you.

Disclaimer: I also like games.

If I want my son to do something other than games, like practice his math facts, specific time is given for that activity and does not come out of his "free time" on the iPad or computer.

Besides, most 13 yo boys are probably socializing through video games anyway. If it's the social aspect you're concerned about, maybe you could find out what games are popular with the kids in the area and just suggest he check out a cool game you heard about.

I think I understand the OP's position. There's nothing wrong with having as a goal; encouraging a child to enjoy a variety of activities. Restricting different reinforcing activities is also fine. This can be especially important for people who can become obsessively focused on one thing. Encouraging flexibility is especially important in that case, which may require limiting certain activities, while allowing others. I think it's a fair point by some that this may not constitute "free" time.

It may be worth making a list of activities and deciding whether they're highly preferred, somewhat preferred, neutral, or disliked (but necessary). In a given day you want a balance between the different activities ideally organized in such a way so that the highly preferred things help to motivate the disliked things (by being given as rewards). You'll get into trouble if you start giving neutral things in place of highly preferred things to the extent that your child never gets to have those highly preferred things. If instead you make neutral things a requirement to get highly preferred things, you may find that the neutral things become preferred as he gets to know and like them. You can even give him choices between neutral things: "can I play games on the ipad?" "Sure you can, but first color me a picture or read a book and tell me about it, your choice." You can then time his access to those highly preferred things. Eventually he may learn to like coloring or reading and that may become slightly preferred or even highly preferred. You can also give him limited choices of preferred activities: "after dinner, you can watch tv or read, your choice." Leaving video games out of that list is perfectly fine. Again, keep in mind that you can't have him doing disliked and neutral activities all day every day or he'll be miserable.

Lastly, if you want him to have limited access to the iPad, there are ways to achieve this. I'm not an expert in iPads, but this seems like it'd do the trick: http://www.cnet.com/how-to/lock-the-ipa ... t-one-app/

Good luck!

1 I taught her how to research her special interest. I now know way, way more about Animal Crossing than I EVER EVER wanted to know.

2 Her free time is her free time. If I want her to do something else on her tablet or the computer I set up seperate time for that. Then if I catch her playing games instead of doing or trying whatever it was I asked her to do, she loses free time on her electronics. Simple.

Our school-year screen-time house rules are:

-1 hour total screen time each Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (child's choice--assuming it's appropriate, games are fine and even encouraged)

-more screen time can be earned, if desired. I have a variety of extra chores and extra homework they can do to earn more time. My AS son almost always does enough extra to earn an extra hour each weekend day. (This was what we decided to do, together as a family. It may not be as productive if just randomly enforced.)

-no screen time Mon-Thurs*

*often on days when I need a little rest or randomly otherwise, I would allow some educational screen-time on school days. Typically, they could choose among educational DVDs, a documentary on Netflix or Hulu, or learning games on the iPad. (The apps are sorted into folders. There is a specific folder of games that are ONLY for weekends. The rest are educational and sorted into folders by subject.)

This works really well for us because it's much easier to add extra screen time if we want than decide to take away some because it's gotten out of hand. Doing a math game on a Tuesday is a treat when the alternative was not using the iPad.

If this was an avenue you wanted to try, it might be easiest to start around some event. Such as: on vacation, leave the iPad at home and start new rules when you get back.




Our summer break hasn't started yet, but I plan to have a family meeting and learn about and talk about "junk food" activities (those we do to relax and undwind, but should use in moderation) and "vegetable" activities (activities that are good for us) and we will develop a new set of rules for the summer. I'm prepared to open up more screen time, but I'd like to make a responsible plan for healthier ratios of activity (more "vegetables" and "junk food" in moderation) and I want my kids to be in on the discussion and planning process so that they can make healthy choices as adults.

Oh, and these actives on the computer are allowed on any day for any amount of time (unless they are supposed to be doing something else, of course).

-typing in personal journal
-researching a focused topic (the key is focused, the child must decide what he/she wants to look up and tell me. I help with spelling or logistics, as needed. I think of this as enhancing their research skills.)

These aren't activities my kids do a lot of yet, because they are still young. However, occasionally my AS son gets very focused on a topic (usually physics related) and I like to nurture that.

I limit usage to (on days of no school) 10 minutes per hour CONTINGENT upon his accomplishing other desired behaviors. For example, my son needs help in certain areas. If he manages to share, be kind (esp to his younger brother), helpful, give an unprompted compliment, practice piano, etc., it will be represented in a reward chart before the iPad time is granted (say, three stars must be earned). It keeps him motivated to work on the areas I believe he can use help or practice in.

So, 12-14 hours awake time can amount to as much as 2 hours iPad usage per day. But the other time must be constructive.