Parents of late teens or young adults on the spectrum

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Hello,

I thought a thread for those of us with teens/young adults in transition would be helpful. My adult 22 year old son is having difficulties finding his place in the world. Actually, that isn't exactly true. He loves Yugioh cards, playing and trading. I think it is great because that is his passion. However so far it isn't something that he is able to support himself with. He still lives at home. He has been in and out of college and right now wants to focus on his card trading, so we honored his request. He spends most of his time with his friends going to card shops around the county. The good news about that is that he has become very social and gathers friends wherever he is. He is learning business skills by buying and trading cards and that is good. Maybe someday he will make a living doing so.

What about the rest of you? How are you doing with your young adults who are no longer in high school?

I'm not quite there yet but I actually applaud your approach. I've observed over the years on this board that it basically takes a little longer for most ASD kids to "grow up." So finding a way for them to continue building skills and not just give in to a slack lifestyle during those gap years is a positive thing.

Has your son ever held a job of any sort? Is he able to earn enough to pay his personal expenses?

My son is 17 and is working this summer, but what he earns is pretty depressing given the cost of living around here. Still, he has purpose and he really enjoys his job; he values hard work. As much as I have higher hopes for him after he has his college degree, it wouldn't be a bad life if it stayed like this; at least he would have a place in this world where he felt he was making valuable contributions.

My son's dream job would be to work for the designers of the Magic game in Seattle, creating new cards. He invents games as a hobby now. But his career will probably be in computers; he is pretty good with all that, too.

Does your son play well enough competitively to earn some money directly from his play? Has he tried making any instructional You-tube videos, maybe sharing game strategy? Does he have any skills for working in one of the game stores?

If your son has a marketable game, kickstarter is a great place to grow a market and get funding for production. Just something to keep in mind for the future!

OP, I've got some good book recommendations for books on employment for adults with autism. Let me know if you'd like those.

Thanks for your great ideas and support. No, Garrett has not had a job yet. He is actively searching and creating his own work through his Yugioh trading, selling, and buying. It sounds like your 17 year old is well on his way to becoming independent. Congratulations!

And, yes, I'd love the recommendations for the books. I know Temple Grandin has one, I am not familiar with any others.

Thanks!

have you tried talking to your states vocational rehab program? they might be able to help with finding a job

I think if you immerse yourself in his world a little, you might find some paths that would allow him to turn his hobby into a living of some sort. Worth a shot, at least.

ps - my son is considered very high functioning, and he has had a lot of advantages in developing skills. But I can still see the developmental delays and gaps very clearly; his may be smaller, but they still exist. As parents, we work to help bridge or compensate for those.

Ask & Tell: Self Advocacy and Disclosure for People on the Autism Spectrum (Edited by Stephen Shore)
http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Tell-Self-Adv ... 1931282587

Asperger Syndrome Employment Workbook by Roger Meyer
http://www.amazon.com/Asperger-Syndrome ... t+workbook

Employment for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome or Non-Verbal Learning Disability: Stories and Strategies
http://www.amazon.com/Employment-Indivi ... strategies

How to Find Work that Works for People with Asperger Syndrome: The Ultimate Guide for Getting People with Asperger syndrome into the Workplace (and keeping them there!)
http://www.amazon.com/Find-Works-People ... r+syndrome

Website resources:

Rehabilitative Services Administration (RAS) - Oversees programs that help people with disabilities gain employment
https://rsa.ed.gov/

TransitionCoalition.org - Providing online information, support, and professional development on topics related to the transition from school to adult life for youth with disabilities.

Workforce Recruitment Program - creates database of screened candidates with disabilities seeking summer and permanent positions
https://wrp.gov/LoginPre.do?method=login

I have a 20 year old son who is slowly, finally just beginning to find himself. He spent many years simply surviving because of extreme neurological pain. He is not cured, but definitely doing better. He has 7 years to make up for [he was already young for his age before becoming ill, because of the autism] He is frustrated at being so far behind while also for the first time since he was a little kid seeing that there could be real hope for a good future. It makes for some pretty severe mood swings. combining those with my chemotherapy induced mood swings, and, well, life isn't always "little house on the prairie" around here.

He still needs to get his GED. And I think he wants to go to college,at least for awhile. Right now he is helping to build Ocate cliffs, a retreat center that will be built and run by Autistics. He is excited about that. After years of hearing "Mom, if you love me, just tell me it's okay for me to die now," that is huge. Beyond huge. He was recently awarded SSDI [ on his deceased dads income] but he is hoping to be off of it within a few years or so. In the meantime, he is thinking about putting a down payment on a little house in pueblo [us co-igning] as a rental. His neurological pain, though no longer constant, is still debillitating, and I doubt that he will ever be able to work a job with set hours, but he might do well eventually in some sort of self-employment.

Are any of your kids interested in romantic relationships? my son says he dreams about one but will not allow a relationship to ever happen because he can stand no more pain.

I have a 20 year old son who is slowly, finally just beginning to find himself. He spent many years simply surviving because of extreme neurological pain. He is not cured, but definitely doing better. He has 7 years to make up for [he was already young for his age before becoming ill, because of the autism] He is frustrated at being so far behind while also for the first time since he was a little kid seeing that there could be real hope for a good future. It makes for some pretty severe mood swings. combining those with my chemotherapy induced mood swings, and, well, life isn't always "little house on the prairie" around here.

He still needs to get his GED. And I think he wants to go to college,at least for awhile. Right now he is helping to build Ocate cliffs, a retreat center that will be built and run by Autistics. He is excited about that. After years of hearing "Mom, if you love me, just tell me it's okay for me to die now," that is huge. Beyond huge. He was recently awarded SSDI [ on his deceased dads income] but he is hoping to be off of it within a few years or so. In the meantime, he is thinking about putting a down payment on a little house in pueblo [us co-igning] as a rental. His neurological pain, though no longer constant, is still debillitating, and I doubt that he will ever be able to work a job with set hours, but he might do well eventually in some sort of self-employment.

Are any of your kids interested in romantic relationships? my son says he dreams about one but will not allow a relationship to ever happen because he can stand no more pain.

This is so sad.

I would describe this area of thought in my 17 year old son to be "evolving." He was not going to date because hormones and dating make people crazy in his opinion, but around the same time his hormones started to get the better of him, a girl at school asked him out. So, he dated. He keeps it really casual maybe because he doesn't want to venture into things he does not understand or could get hurt by; and I'd say the girls are pretty much in control of, well, everything. The two girls so far are super nice so at least I know no one is taking advantage of him. I don't know if he will ever get married; that isn't really in his vision for the future at this point in time; I think he worries that it would be more than he could handle. But, he seems willing to be open to seeing where the future takes him, and how he grows and matures.

Keep in mind, though, that my son is pretty straight up just ASD; no depression or anxiety or other mood or painful co-morbids.

In his ideal world he could take some pills and suppress all the hormones, though. He still thinks of them as an inconvenient nuisance. It is kind of interesting to watch where he goes with it all, and we really do like the latest girl everyone at school considers him paired with, even though they are affirmatively NOT dating at this point in time.

I am sorry your son has had such a rough road of it but thrilled to hear that things are turning around for him. Best wishes for him finding a bright future.

Hello everyone! Thanks for all of the great input and advice. I haven't checked in for a while and I see I have missed a lot. Thanks SC for all of the great resources. I will look into them.

Garrett is signed up with the department of labor and goes to a job club every couple of weeks. He has to get through the bureaucracy in order to have his work training funded - that will take a while. In the meantime, I have to hand it to him, he is able to use his interest in yugioh cards as a trading and cash generating business. Not much more than spending cash, but it is something. I wouldn't be very good at that.

Right now he is interested in yugioh trading, tournaments and spending time with his friends, Fortunately that aspect of his ASD seems to have improved. He gathers friends from everywhere! He does a few errands for us at home to make some extra cash, but also does a lot of sleeping when he is home.

Yes, hormones are pretty challenging for most teens, in particular teens with other challenges as well. I am sure the other issues of anxiety get in the way. Most of us had to weather through hormones, love, rejection and heart break too. It is just more painful when you are very sensitive.

So that is the latest on Garrett. How is everyone else doing?