Daycare

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Anyone else have trouble finding childcare for their child because they have ASD? Currently have my son in a daycare where I can only work odd shifts during the week. Finally found an in home daycare but her daycare closes at 5 and sometimes start at 1 (part-time). So, she has me down 12:45-4:45 PM (what kind of job wants you to work that?!). She would charge me at least $0.50 per minute if I'm late than 5. Anyways- it was the first daycare that would take him. I've been told by providers that they aren't comfortable having a child with autism, so he has been turned away. And the daycare he goes to charges me an extra $25 per week because he has ASD. Maybe it's more work to care for a child that has special needs? But have also been told by his Disability Director that it's discrimination. I haven't needed to find daycare for him until recently because we use to live in a town where my parents watched him while I worked.

My son staunchly refused to be in group care; I could see he wasn't going to be happy or adjust. We bit the bullet and hired a nanny. That pretty much ate up all my after tax earnings, but for a dozen reasons we did it anyway (I only worked part-time). That is probably no help to you, since not everyone has the same options, but it was nanny or drop the career completely.

I never researched the law on pricing but, without a doubt, it takes a special person and a special situation to properly care for and help an ASD child thrive. We were blessed with the two nannies we had during my son's younger days, and blessed again with the after school daycare director when he reached elementary school. You have to keep looking; you will know when a situation is right.

I know a family member who essentially did the same thing for her 2 (NT) kids. One of them was a real handful and the other was super shy and they were driving her crazy. She bit it and hired a, I wouldn't have called her a nanny, but full time babysitter. It ate up most of my family members income but it was worth it to her to get at least a tiny amount of cash flow.

How old is your child? If between 3-5, have you asked the school district to evaluate him to see if they will offer him a spot in a special needs preschool?

What kind of schedule do you need in order to be able to work?

My son will be 3 in August and will be going to special needs pre-school in the Fall. I think if I was just able to work until 5, then I would be getting more hours. He is just in part-time daycare. Her daycare opens at 8 AM so even Full-time I might not be able to drop him off before then. It's an additional $25 per week. Basically she is charging me full-time care for part-time hours. But if I was to get full-time I could work more morning time hours. His Speech/ OT is twice a week from 11-12 (noon). Plus he is still in early intervention- another hour in the morning. His schedule will change quite a bit in September because he will be in preschool.

She is also pregnant- due in October. She hid her stomach so I couldn't tell she was pregnant until I dropped him off the first day he went to daycare. She is going to take 2 weeks paid vacation in October so I will have to find someone to watch him and pay her for those 2 weeks. I don't think they do that at daycare centers. I think he likes her okay. He has been going for almost 3 weeks now. A couple times when I dropped him off, he cried when we got to her house. But maybe he didn't want me to leave him. He has tried to get me to stay there with him as well. I wish he could communicate and actually let me know if he likes it there or not.

Most kids cry when dropped off; they prefer mommy. You develop a cheerful and loving routine, and stick to it; no waffling on your part. The telling part, really, is how long the crying lasts. If you have a way to spy, do so. Most kids will drop the tears within minutes or seconds of mom being out of sight. If you could know that was the case, it would let you know he really is OK there.

You can't just ask the daycare directors; sometimes they downplay the adjustment problems, thinking they will go away. That happened with one daycare I had tried with my son; I really wish she had just told me right away.

My parents had more trouble with after-school babysitting than most people. Apparently a lot of babysitters found me hard to handle. I don't know why - I don't remember having meltdowns with most of them, and that's my worst behaviour.

We are looking at a daycare center tomorrow. I don't know how well he would do in a structured environment as he only does things on his terms. But I guess it's worth checking out. My work gave me lots of hours this week, but I don't know about the weeks to come. I guess I can see if his provider can do full-time and kind of work around his therapy times. When his preschool (special needs) starts in September, hopefully will get to take a bus to therapy so I can work more. I think most daycares are 8-5s around here, but I always like having a back-up plan. His provider says she is doing daycare after her baby is here, but things change and something might happen where she won't want him there anymore.. :-/

And the daycare center will not work out. He had a meltdown the whole time we were touring the place. He even grabbed and screamed at the person giving the tour. The place wasn't even that loud. Maybe he's having a rough day today, but buildings I think scare him. We tried going to a library once and my arms had bruises from him pinching me before we even got in the door. It probably does some getting used to. He hated going to therapy at a new place at first and now I think he's doing okay with it. Maybe when he gets older a daycare center might be better but I think home daycare for him is better- especially since my parents watched him at their house when I would go to work.

Would it be a terrible idea not to tell a daycare provider that he is autistic? I was talking to my boyfriend's mom (my bf has Asperger's) and she thinks they really don't need to know. Besides constantly rocking and inability to speak, maybe he is a lot like other kids? I don't really think that's a good idea but have been turned away or feel he doesn't have the same chance of getting daycare because of his disability.

I don't think it's a good idea to not reveal, either. Given his behaviors that you mentioned, they're going to figure out pretty quickly what's up with him. Is there a specialized daycare in your area, geared for special needs kids?

We had our son in a home daycare shortly after he was 2 but that was before we had any inclination there was any issues with him. He was our first and had no one to compare him to so we thought he was just the perfect quiet kid.

The day care provider thought so too, she also thought he was an angel vs the other kids she had because he never talked back, loved routine and just did what he was told. Her biggest struggles were getting him to eat anything (He's super sensitive to food texture & sweetness) or of course participate in any group activity. After a few months she recommended some speech therapy and that's when we went down the road.

Honestly though, the daycare loved him. The 2 years he was there she always reminded us that he was the best of her bunch & cried her eyes out when he left to start school.

I wouldn't disclose it, instead provide feedback on certain issues he's working on and things that work for him.

Yeah- I'm starting to think it would be a bad idea to not tell them. I didn't get all the details, but today he hit another kid.

There is one but we have been on the waiting list for a year or so. I'm going to call them tomorrow to make sure we are still on the list and see if we might be able to get in it soon. This place would be ideal because they have therapy there as well and understand children with disabilities.

Oh, and I asked the daycare provider what happened with the other kid. I guess he was trying to get his shoes and she didn't let him. I'm guessing he wanted to go outside or leave. Then, he got frustrated and hit another kid. Sounds like it was a rough day. Once I pulled up to her driveway, he started crying- tears & all! Wish he could tell me what's going on.

Stormymamma,

Where are you located? Might be easier to get some realistic answers if we new where you are.

Also, wherever you are look around for some ASD family support groups, etc. You may find other parents in your situation who would be willing to trade days with you. You watch their kid certain days and they do the same for you.