ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
I read it. It is interesting. I am not sure what I think, exactly, because I may be missing things from the original. Jack Patrick seems too much of a blank slate (although maybe that is the intent, this early in the story--or because I did not read the original)
I understand he was victimized and is very passive, but every personality trait ascribed to him comes from Kat describing him, not from anything he does. You can't see he is intelligent, for example. You just hear that he is from Kat. Normally when doing character development from scratch the character needs to show who he is as opposed to others just describing him. It may be that it is b.c he is so wounded, and that he shows this later on in the story? I am also wondering if b/c you have a philosophical backdrop to it, I don't know if that is making you want to spoon-feed the audience certain points instead of showing them?
Some of it reminds me of that episode of Star Trek when Wesley meets up with the Traveler on that Native American colonized planet, and he becomes a demi-god. That is not a bad thing. Just an observation. I don't know how that fits in, yet b/c it is chapter 2. The new-age part may make more sense as the story goes on.
It is hard to evaluate something based on just two chapters. I know there are people who are trained to do it, but for me it is hard b/c my brain is trying to imagine the whole thing. I am awful at creative writing, myself, and I don't think i could write 2 chapters of anything.
You would have to read the first book. Besides, this is mainly for me. It is to release certain negativity I have. I have no intent to publish or be anything serious with it. Actually, now that you mention the traveler that is my intent and the reason he is blank is because his mind got screwed as the years went by. Jack has become a shell of his former self. Consider that Jack exists in existence but is simply detached. It's just a beginning though. Imagine watching a movie but watching yourself just go through the trivialities of life without any color and you know rationally you control your actions but in a way it seems as though one is just an observer instead of an active participant.
Imagine Kat having a strong intuitive sense and she is able to peek into the very inner depths of his soul and sees the profoundness in him that he can't see himself nor does he even realize is there. In effect, Jack doesn't know that he truthfully knows. Even Jack in a few of the lines ask how she is able to see all of this. I guess she in some ways is sort of like the traveler and I think I will take it further to that direction.
Do you understand or am I really confusing you?
Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 08 Aug 2014, 10:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
04 Aug 2014, 7:24 pm
