gaining control

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How do I gain control over my ten year old son, how do I re-establish the mother-son relationship, if I ask him to do something he constantly questions me or argues with me.
Eromi

If your son is anything like my 11 year old aspie, he just doesn't like to do things that aren't logical, in his way of looking at things. I have to make it logical to him, or worthwhile. One or the other.

First, and most importantly, is pick your battles. Decide which ones you really have to win - for his safety and well-being or yours. That one change made such a big difference in our lives!

In our house, it isn't so much about there being an autocrat, or one person in charge and one person not, but rather we try to run it in a cohesive manner so that we can all get along, and all get what we need/want at the end of the day. While you're not there to be his buddy, being his taskmaster 24/7 won't get the desired response in all likelihood. Particularly not if he is on the spectrum.

oh boy, does this sound familiar ! like aspiesmom said, pick your battles. we really had to work hard to re-establish what matters were truly important and what we could just let go of. we found also that once we relaxed our expectations, his combativeness decreased....that's not to say that there still aren't days that he makes me crazy with his arguing..but i'll settle for less arguing. . he feels better about himself now too~perhaps that has made some of the difference in his attitude as well.

thanks ster and aspiemom, it was just a particularly bad day. I feel quite hurt sometimes. I can spend all week (as I did this week) making his holiday nice for him. I wasn't able to do anything for myself I was just travelling around from one venue to the next. On public transport just to make him happy, and he did everything he wanted to and really enjoyed it all. I was so happy that he was happy. On Friday I told him that he should get a drink for himself which he is capable of doing, because I was so exhausted and he argued with me about why I should get this drink for him, I refused outright and he said it was because he recieved a medal at school and that I felt jealous that's why I wouldn't get him a drink. I was quite shocked and I thought what the f*** is that supposed to mean. I really dislliked him for that. But we are on much better terms now until the next one I suppose.

Eromi

whoa, wait a minute there....it's nice and all to let them have their way on occasion, but letting them have their way 95% of the time only sets them up for failure in the "real world"~after all, their boss isn't going to let them do all of their paperwork the way they want to~the boss won't understand that they are always late because it takes longer to get to work via bus than it does by car......i truly do understand the desire to give in and let them have their way, but try to do so in moderation......................as far as him stating that you are jealous because of his reward~ well, my son tells me that if people disagree with him, it's because they "hate him".hope to address this one in therapy~ at least maybe get him to say that it's ok for people to disagree with him, but they're wrong.