Sucky school year

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First off, my 7 year old is being bullied by a group of kids in his class during recess. These are kids he desperately has tried to join, but they tell him to go away. Now they are targeting him. They are playing "spies" and using him as their "culprit " without his consent. They grab him, pull his jacket, and shove him, yelling: "We've got him!" He yells:"Stop!", they don't. On Friday, they escalated it to hitting him and yelling "Ha ha!" He told one of the aides in his class, and the kids insisted that they were playing peacefully and he came out of nowhere challenging them to fight, so they had to. I emailed he teachers and vice principal, but I am not too confident it will get better.

On top of it, his teachers keep telling me how talkative he is in the class, always trying to tell jokes, and insist that this is evidence that his social issues no longer exist. When I explain my observations, (misreading social cues, pragmatic speech issues), they look at me blankly.

Friday was also "Open Class Day" in his room. Parents were invited in to observe their morning routine. He is in an inclusion class (1/3 special, 2/3 general Ed), but purely for his social/ emotional issues. During the routine, they split off into groups. The special Ed kids in one, gen ed in the other and were being taught some spelling strategies. The gen Ed kids breezed through it, then started discussing a book, then worked on writing. My son's group stayed on spelling strategies the whole time. My son is a master speller. The teacher even told me at the conference that he is the top speller in the class. I don't understand why he is in the slower moving group with a subject he has already mastered. I Have never seen this happen in an inclusion class before. I Spoke with the VP again, but I am not too hopeful and feeling really frustrated.

I really feel I need to find a different school setting for him, but cannot afford to pay for private school.

Sorry, just need to vent.

First of all stop feeding him wheat as it causes anxiety,depression etc.

Then try to get him into a different school.

Thanks for the advice, slenkar. Perhaps I will look into the wheat, maybe do a trial without.

He is undiagnosed as of yet, but is in the midst of an evaluation. I am hoping to use their report to get him in a school funded program more suited to his needs.

There are risks involved with a wheat free or gluten free diet, especially but not exclusively if your son is already a picky eater. Quite frankly, the evidence supporting benefit from those diets is scant at best. I'd recommend talking to a medical professional before starting.

Yes, I agree, PlainsAspie. My older son was gluten free for two years- in addition to egg, soy, dairy, fish, and nuts due to severe food allergies. He has outgrown most, thankfully. But, we met regularly with a nutritionist during that time. And, yes, my 7 year old is a picky eater. It would probably just add to his frustration. If I did trial, just briefly (like a week) to see if it made any difference, I already have experience. Although, my older son has SPD, and possible ADHD and really, the gluten free diet made no difference. I did remember that after I first posted a reply. So, probably a wheat free trial is not worth the effort. Besides the fact that it is really expensive. I do know some people who do gluten free/ dairy free and swear it makes a difference, though.

it made quite a big difference with me but you also have to get off SSRI drugs

I don't know what SSRI drugs are.

Slenkar,
You've posted this same response in a number of threads, it's getting a little repetitive and annoying. Most of the regulars on this board have already heard about gluten-free and cassien-free diets, and made informed decisions about whether or not to try it. If you had a positive experience with wheat-free and want to share, why don't you just start a new thread about that specifically?

Schools do what is easiest for them. Believing the bullies and putting your kid in the SPED spelling group is probably viewed by them as an easy default.

Getting your kid into the regular spelling group will be the easier of the two tasks, if your child is not deemed disruptive. If your child is considered disruptive they will probably be more likely to want to keep him there so his disruptions don't affect the regular kids. (i am in a cynical mood today) Regardless, it is obvious you are going to have to ask to get his spelling placement changed b/c just pointing out that he is a top speller was insufficient. Expressly ask for him to be moved and find out what they say as an objection, and then work from there. Has the teacher and VP given any reasons?

As far as the bullying goes, that is harder b/c they can choose to believe the bullies. Kids with ASD generally have a rep for being unreliable narrators of social situations b/c they are apt to misinterpret social situations and events. Even when they are successful at verbally telling someone what is going on, they are often not believed.

For now, I would see if you can get your child more supervision at recess so an adult is there to see what is going on and/or deter the bullying. I would tell them you believe it to be a safety issue and that your child is in danger in the current situation. (It is) I would have a letter written to hand to them documenting that this is your position. That might scare them into doing it.

My son's group stayed on spelling strategies the whole time. My son is a master speller.

It sounds like your son's school doesn't understand autism, and is treating it as an intellectual disability. That's a pretty huge mistake.

On top of it, his teachers keep telling me how talkative he is in the class, always trying to tell jokes, and insist that this is evidence that his social issues no longer exist. When I explain my observations, (misreading social cues, pragmatic speech issues), they look at me blankly.

More evidence they have no clue what they're dealing with.

Side note:
Looks like I'm going to have to learn a new way to quote things. That looks terrible.

I dont think the parents who post here will look at such a thread

We have had numerous threads on here about gluten and any number of dietary and medical issues. I personally don't have any issues with gluten, and neither does my son. Some report positive results.

It is not necessarily relevant to every thread. If your main point is to advocate about gluten then I agree with Zette that you should post accordingly on a separate thread.

Edited for clarity.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. ASDMommyASDKid, I did write the school. The VP is going to monitor the kids on the playground and also a para in their class (who is assigned to one of the kids in the group.) the teachers spoke with the kids and my son reported that they did not bother him this week. Hopefully, it will continue.

YippySkippy, I agree with you.

I just signed up for a tour for a school that caters to children on the spectrum or kids that have social communication disorders. He is in the middle of an evaluation, and not diagnosed with anything yet, but his IEP alone will qualify him for admission as he has a pragmatic speech and social/ emotional delay. I would have to sue the DOE for tuition, but I think he really need a different school setting. His current school is huge with overcrowded classrooms, as are all the schools in my area. His school has been very supportive, but they are just not equipped to meet his needs and I will keep running into teachers who don't quite understand his issues and situations where the sheer number of children makes it hard to monitor what is going on on the playground. The School I am looking at has 8 kids to a class and a sensory gym, music therapy, floor time, etc. Hopefully I can get him in the right setting.

The first part is pretty debatable, as far as I know...sort of agree with the last bit, except will it really be better at a different school? I know I went to different schools a lot growing up and switching schools never really helped underlying problems I had with school.

I don't know for sure it would be better at a different school. But, I think he would be safer in a smaller school. Where I live, there are school programs run by the DOE (but very few spots and hard to get in) for children on the spectrum. There are also a few private schools and independent schools for children on the spectrum that (through a difficult process) you can get the DOE to pay for if you can prove a public school setting is inappropriate for your child. These programs have daily speech therapy, OT, music therapy, etc. and the teachers know all the nuances of ASD. Plus, he would not be held back academically just because his IEP says special ed, as the academics are better catered for each child at these schools. So they advertise, anyway.

The only kid in my son's class who is consistently nice to my son I am pretty sure is also on the spectrum, and I am thinking my son will just be happier and more confident in a class with other ASD kids. So, I am going to tour them and see what I think, and see if I can get him a spot.