Coping with holidays

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As I write this, it is Thanksgiving in the US of A; I've also just read the "Coping with Holidays" article here at WP.net, and I have a few tools and mechanisms I use for myself.

1. I was at my sister's house nearby, and managed to stay there until about mid-afternoon, when a moment laced with boredom and my toddler nephew's restlessness prompted my Dad to ask if I had wanted to go home (not for the day, but with the proviso that I come back later on). That worked out, and I'll be headed back in a little while, mainly because my Mom and sister would be asking where I was as they were taking a nap at the time I left.

2. I always show some gratitude towards my gifts, even if I didn't really want them, so no qualms there.

3. Religion and/or politics have never permeated our holiday conversations, so again, nothing to worry about there.

4. I also have no problem with food served at Thanksgiving and/or Christmas.

5. While I have used trips to the bathroom as an attempt to clear my head and relax, I feel as though I haven't taken full advantage of those breaks. Why that is, I don't know.

Happy Thanksgiving to US members of WP, and Happy Holidays to all!

We don't have Thanksgiving in Poland but 26th of November was busy for me this year since my mom decided she is going to visit her old friend and it was my birthday too. She was going to a place far away and she has no sense of direction(while my sense of direction borders with savant ability) so after seeing her trying to figure out the map I decided I am going to company her so she won't get lost and won't cause accident (highway gets dangerous when you don't know which line to use). I was thinking we are going to stay there only for a few hours and go back so I was fine with the idea. Also my toddler godsister was supposed to be there so I was looking forward to see her.

We got there at 1PM. As I thought the way was not easy and there was a lot of tricky crossroads but I managed to get us there without getting lost. At first it was quite fun. I was taking care of the 18 months old girl and our moms were talking by the table. I also got a surprise birthday gift - a box of scented oils. I didn't really like it but the gilr helped me out by being curious what's that. I ended up showing her all the scents and I didn't have to pretend I like them since everyone was focused on the girl funny reactions.

A hour passed, 2, 3... I started to have enough. I was fine with the girl (she is a really good child, she was playing silently with her toys) but the constant chit-chat of our mothers was pissing me off. They were playing music out loud and singing. Yelling to each other. And asking me constantly why won't I sit with them or if I want some cake. So bothersome...

After a while I asked my mom when we are going to go home and her friend run me down that they rarely met and I always make my mom leave early. I was also told that the end of visit is not anywhere near - we were there since over 3 hours but it ended up we were 3h too early and we are still waiting for the real party to start since 2 other friends are coming over ...

I didn't have energy to argue and I didn't want to make them even more angry so I decided to stand it somehow. I could imagine how they felt, they haven't seen each other a few months after all so they needed to talk and if their 2 other friends were coming too I had no right to tell my mom to go home yet before she has chance to talk with them too. I didn't like it but I wouldn't like myself if I was selfish enough to prevent my mom from seeing her old friends. I could have stay home if I choose to but I decided to go anyway so it was my fault. - Thats how I convinced myself.

The friends came after another 1,5 hour. They were late because "they used wrong bus". The hell! They both live in the city we were in and if they choose they would get there within 30 mins by foot... I suppose their being late got something to do with a bag from toys shop containing a huge teddy bear for the girl. Well. At least they finally got there.

I was on my limit already so I don't remember much of what happened afterward. The rest of meeting I spent sitting on sofa and playing with the girl in a robotic manner. She got bored and decided to climb on sofa next to me and jump off over and over so I had to hold her hand to prevent her from falling and hurting herself, if I tried to get her to do something else she was starting a tantrum and if I moved she was trying to climb there all by herself so I had to sit there and belay her. And in the same time our moms and the 2 other friends were talking and laughing. At a moment they started talking about a party they attended before and they started to interrupt each other by yelling louder and louder each sentence. I had to cover my ears then.

The party looked like no end but at a moment, about 8PM the girl stopped her play, pretendedly bunked down, using a teddy as pillow and looked at the adults. Such a smart girl! I can't believe she is only 18 months old. They instantly realized it is getting late and they have to go so the girl can go to sleep. The party disbanded in a blink of eye. Soon everyone was gone and we were free to go home as well. I wonder why noone realized that I am having a total shutdown a few hours already although the girl was able to show them that she is tired so easily...

On our way back I had to act as the alive gps again. My reactions were slowed down and my verbal abilities were really limited too so I was too late to tell my mom where to turn once but fortunately the road was almost empty so nothing bad happened when we changed the lane at the last possible moment.

And when we were close to home my mom decided we should visit my grandma since she apparently wanted to give me a birthday gift. I was curious what it is so I agreed: "But just moment.". The gift ended up being some money - not bad at all, with it I gathered enough money to buy a camera that I want to buy soon. But the "moment" visit ended up another 30 mins of listening to grandma, mom and my aunt chit-chat. I was trying to say "Let's go home." but the only answer I got was always "In a moment.".

When we finally returned home at 10PM I was totally exhausted. I entered my room and sat down. Then my dad(borderline) came to my room, looked at me and said "Your room is only lacking a poo." then angrily closed the door. It took me a while to realize he means my room is messy and I should clean up. But honestly - is it what you say to your tired daughter that is not feeling good, especially on her birthday?

I understand we were late and dad could be angry about that but it wasn't my fault! Well, my room being messy was my fault but... Eh. Whatever.



Today I am still totally confused and still nearly mute. Till 6PM I was sure it is already tomorrow. My routine got totally messed up and I feel as when I skip a night despite sleeping enough.
I hate holidays and social gatherings...

We just got home from a Thanksgiving gathering with friends and a lot of kids - 7 or 8 kiddos total. I'm trying to figure out how to keep him calm without making it a huge deal. The other kids in the family can all calm down quickly after a bout of rough housing or playing ball or what have you - but my son isn't wired that way. When he gets revved up, that is it, he is revved up until he gets a "reset". And being so young, he is still learning to recognize when he needs to take a break and regulate, and being away from home makes it harder to do anyway. We ducked out early because he was playing and just getting rougher and rougher and rougher and I was worried he would hurt himself or someone else.

Anyway...yeah. Just helps to write all that out. The rest of the family doesn't really understand his SPD diagnosis.