How do you recover from awful meltdowns?

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This first part is sort of a rant, but I do actually have a question and something I want "tips" for I guess.
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Yesterday, I took my kids on this little train ride (they like trains) which was Christmas-themed (normally we don't do anything Christmassy because it's too hard, but I thought because it's a train it would be ok- but obviously we are back to not doing anything Christmassy- I learned my lesson). We prepared for weeks with social story and a video and stuff, and then we arrived early, I brought the weighted vest and the stress ball and the headphones and the socks for his hands and snacks. I really tried to make this doable.

There was a little plastic Christmas tree thing standing on every table on the train (there were 2 benches facing each other with a table in the middle- tree on the table- we took up both benches facing each other- as did most families/groups). My son was very interested in the tree, was visually stimming with it. A kid 4-5 years old came and took the star off the tree. My son yelled and tried to grab it back. I prevented my son from grabbing it, but I did say to the boy, would he please put it back because that star goes on this tree and my son is looking at it. His mother was right behind and said I should teach my child to stop being so "precious"...and she took the whole tree. At this point my son just flipped out so I didn't have time to talk to her. We did manage to get off the train (it had to stop where it doesn't normally stop for us). And we managed to get home.

My son tends to rampage and scream full-on for about 2 hours, then there's a lull for even an hour sometimes, then he starts again for up to another 2 hours (not exactly), and this just goes on for a very long time sometimes. This started around 5pm yesterday and he stopped around 2pm today, which is 3 hours ago now so I'm hoping he's done. It was very long even for him- this type of very long one only happens once a couple of years.

My house is just is the most extraordinary mess now and I really don't feel like doing anything. I can't believe I have to go to work tomorrow. I feel an unbelievable despair. I feel shell-shocked or something (not literally- yes I'm sure fighting in a war is much much much worse, please don't rip me apart). I'm scared to move in case he starts again. I go back and forth between feeling like a terrible mother and then thinking it's not really my fault (I tried to do the right thing anyways).

Does anyone else ever experience this feeling? Do you have any "tricks" to move on and not feel so depressed? What do you do after this????

What an awful woman, I'm so sorry.

We have bad meltdowns too, but they don't last as long. They usually don't go past an hour, and, yes, it is really draining for all of us. I don't really have any tricks other than trying not to criticize myself for not getting much done once it's settled down. If there's anything that can wait, try to give yourself permission to ignore it and take a break. I know that's not always possible. I wish you a much quieter evening and a boring day tomorrow.

And, it's not your fault. All you did was try and include your kids in a fun event, in a way you thought might work. It may well have worked if that other mother was not so mean.

Wow so mean. I'm so sorry that happened. I don't know really how to recover. My son recovers really easily. When it's on, it's on, and when he's done, BANG, he's all happy and sweet and wanting affection and fun times while I'm still reeling. His meltdowns involve a lot of anger and mean things said to me and controlling me (such as where I sit when he's having them and if I move away or try to leave for a bit he gets worse and follows me and might throw things at me or physically trap me in a corner of the room or something. So I'm usually feeling somewhat attacked, and when it's over, I'm not usually feeling very affectionate.

I don't know why people would be so mean. I'm the type of person who likes to sit by babies/toddlers on airplanes, so I can give the mother sympathetic looks and try to let her know that at least one person isn't mad at her. It always stuns me when people are mean.

And this is a very stressful time of year. It sounds like you just got the luck of the draw - you prepared, but there were variables beyond your control, so try to be gentle with yourself.

I don't know that Christmassy was the issues so much as a problematic kid and his mean mother. I am only not saying mean kid b/c I am more hesitant in labeling of children's behavior these days, unless they are transparently mean or spiteful. Of course Christmas events bring out crowds and this behavior out...so... same thing, I guess.

My son does not respond well to this, either. Kids who cut in line etc. Yikes. Other kids are our biggest problem.

I don't know what to tell you about the meltdowns. Calming techniques are so individual. Some kids want to be left alone; Some want snuggles. Some need physical activity, or stimming time. Some need quiet.

Based on your prior posts, you seem to know your child really well, and I am sure you are doing what needs to be done. They will dredge up things from before, and relive the experience and meltdown again, and that is par for us, too.

Don't beat yourself up, we can't lock them up all the time, nor should we. We can only do the best we can.

Thanks.
I wish I could say he's doing so much better today but he's not because it's the first day of school holiday so it was a different routine. There is a good thing to report though: he said "peanut butter and jam" today spontaneously. He's known "peanut butter" and "jam" for a while but he's never put them together and an "and" in there too? Miraculous. It's not ALL bad- I'm just personally struggling but I don't really know why. I picked up a little crappy Christmas tree like the one on the train for him and he really likes it (better than our actual Christmas tree- go figure)- he's been happy with that since I got home.

I feel guilty because I am having a really hard time emotionally. Christmas is always a depressing time for me, but I was doing ok until this happened. I vowed that I wasn't going to be depressed this christmas- but here I am depressed. I'm having a hard time "rebounding" and I feel like my kids deserve better. This shouldn't make so f*****g sad. It's not that I've done anything really bad, but I haven't done anything great either. Well, I bought a crappy little light-up tree...does that count as great? My kid seems to think so at the moment... I'll hold onto that.