Who Died and Made You Dr. Spock

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I may be showing my age with the reference to Dr. Spock, but here is a link to my most recent blog post. I am curious as to what other parents think. http://autismblogsdirectory.blogspot.co ... html#links

Well.. I'm finding it harder and harder to venture out in public with my kids (they're getting older but continue the screaming and whatnot). I do wish everyone was judgement-free. But on the other hand, I also feel that certain behaviours are simply unacceptable. (Also: I don't think society judges everyone as innocent until proven guilty either).

Why should others have to grocery shop through my kid's screams? I still drag my kids out if they're doing that because I don't think they should. My 15 year old likes to grab zippers. Yes, I've provided him with zippers to hold. He still does it. I try to stop him, obviously. I'm not always successful. I wish people were fine with it, but of course they're not. At this point, I think people are scared- they see a 6'4 disabled boy lunging at their throat. And they're not happy about it. I wouldn't expect them to be. So I apologise profusely and drag him away and pray he won't do it again and think about never leaving my basement ever again...it sucks but IMHO that's the fault of autism, not society...controversial as that may be...
Like you said, I've tried my best.

ETA: Some alternate autism planet where everyone is autistic doesn't solve this either. My son wouldn't tolerate someone else doing that to him. Not in a million years.

I think everyone has a line in his/her head where the difference between tolerable and intolerable disruptions lie. I am sure that my view of what society should have to put up with is skewed more to the side of "society should have to put up with this, it is not that bad" than society in general would prefer. This is due to me dealing with it all the time, and me having to teach my son how to tolerate things. He can't practice, if he never has the opportunity to try.

That said, we limit the situations to ones where we have a good chance of success. Part of it is for his own good, not setting him up to fail; and yes, the other part is what i think is reasonable to expect people out there to deal with.

If things were even more dramatic, to be honest, I would probably draw that line further towards making society put up with more, to the extent that I could justify it to myself.

I think one of the things that bothers me is that my son is very inoffensive in public(at least by my own standards) yet it seems often his mere existence "bothers" people somehow.

He completely ignores everyone, and doesn't interact at all. He is mostly non-verbal with the occasional soft expression of some noises like eeeee or something, sometimes he runs around in groceries until I can catch him or is clumsy and might bump into someone by accident. He doesn't have bad meltdowns, sometimes he will go silent and limp laying on the ground or cry if we have to leave the park or toy store etc. People don't understand I can't verbally command him to do things, I just have to take him or show him or redirect him. But they see a spoiled brat and me coddling him and unable to handle him, people tell me all the time you need to spank that child etc.

Yet people will try to talk to him or interact with him and because he doesn't respond he is a rude stuck up brat, or I'm a bad parent. He can softly say eeeee and people nearby will look uncomfortable or angry, even though a table next to us has people laughing as loud as they can and talking at the top of their voices no one reacts to that. I've been in shared taxis where he is looking out the window and softly making noise with someone in the car talking obnoxiously loud on a cell phone, but guess who the driver keeps glancing at and making uncomfortable facial expressions after?

I guess what depresses me is that there are plenty of people far more disruptive and obnoxious(at least to me) in public but they are tolerated because they are "normal". Because my son is odd he gets the negative attention even if he is quieter and keeps to himself.

It doesn't help that where I live the prevailing attitude on those with mental disabilities is they are embarrassing and need to be kept locked in the basement or put in a mental hospital. The only assistance offered for autistic children through the public health system is a long waiting list for assessment, and that assessment is just for the purpose of placing in an institution not offering any therapy. So not only is the public harboring bad attitudes, but they get no exposure to those who are different to change things.

Yes, that bugs me, too. I don't know if people are better at tuning out normal, expected disruptions, than odd ones; kind of like you can get used to living near a train; but if you aren't used to the sound, it bothers you? So, maybe for NTs with no experiences with people with AS, AS disruptions stand out, even if they are not prejudiced. if they are of course it would be that much worse b/c they would feel entitled to feeling annoyed and even more angry about dealing with it.

If my son is doing anything unusual like talking about electronic devices in an autistically detailed way even if he is not louder than other kids, or he is squirming, but not in others' personal space. we get side eye. I got to a point where I just don't care b/c my son is oblivious to these people and as far as I am concerned, these people can jump in a lake. (G-rated equivalent of what I was thinking)

It annoys me, but I keep my thoughts to myself so as not to make a scene.

Every now and then I am tempted to say things like, "Why don't you take a picture, it lasts longer." (sarcasm) or "If you keep your mouth open like that, a bug will fly in there" but I don't.

Yes I relate to this. Your description sounds just like my older son when he was younger. He wouldn't interact and he was/is very quiet. He's extremely tall so sometimes people would assume he was older than he was so they'd really expect interaction that wasn't even typical for his chronological age, making the effect even worse. He wasn't bothering them, but they wanted a response from him which they weren't getting and they would respond poorly to that. And god forbid if I sensed that they needed a response and thus responded...then I'd get reprimanded for talking for him or whatever- doing something to cause this totally unobtrusive but strange behaviour.
That used to drive me crazy- I kind of forgot about that when I wrote my response.