My anxiety when my child is out

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This is going to sound really silly when my daughter is out ( high functioning what used to be known as aspergers) I am really really anxious I so much want things to be ok for her. I am posting this really to avoid texting to see if she is ok because I know it bugs her and undermines her and is in a sense more for my reassurance than her benefit
Thanks for beating with me

That should have read bearing with me
I know I am over involved sometimes but she is gentle and naive and does not understand the nuances of social situations which make her as a beautiful teenagers ( she is very pretty and good at appearing neurotypical ) very vulnerable
She also believes what her peers tell her is always true
Does anyone else have the same experience ?

Anyway
I know I am talking to
Myself but tonight was ok she is home now and happy
It is hard when they are " little" but so much harder when they are older and the hormones kick in as well

I'm not a parent myself but my parents told me they were really anxious the first few times I went to the city center on my bike without them. I still call them when I get home if I've been out of town because parents still worry about their adult children. Maybe that's the downside of having children, as a parent you will worry when they get more independent, even though that is one of the goals of raising them.
When I was little we had no cellphones, so my parents couldn't check up on me either. At least your daughter can always call you when she needs. Maybe tell your daughter she can always call you, even she messes up herself.

I can relate.

My daughter is much younger, so it is with things like going to a friend's house or to a birthday party where I don't stay. I am always nervous and anxious and sometimes I am afraid I am going to make her feel nervous when she normally wouldn't. Sometimes everything goes OK and sometimes it doesn't. I don't know if I will ever feel "worry free" with her, because although she is very high functioning, she does have selective mutism when overwhelmed and I get very nervous that as she gets older she could get herself into a situation and not be able to talk.

My son is 13 and wants to do things like go to the movie theater with just him and his friends. He hasn't been allowed to yet. He is a pretty trustworthy kid and although he also misses a lot of the nuances like your daughter, he's got a good head on his shoulders and good friends to watch out for him. But I still feel nervous when realizing that someday soon, he will need to be able to do things more independently. Most of his friends fall in the range of quirky, too, and I feel like they would make a great target for cruel people.

I honestly don't know how my parents survived my childhood. Sometimes in the summer I would leave after breakfast and not be home until dinner. I would be in the woods, riding my bike into town, or going over to a friend's house that was miles away further into the country, and my parents didn't always know exactly where I was. And they were good parents, but I guess it was a different time.

Thank goodness for cell phones or I think my kids would not be allowed out of the house until they were 18.

I can relate. It seems every time lately that my son goes to one of his classes (woodshop or drama, stuff like that) that something has happened that sounds very impossible unless he's really misinterpreting. So I've been worrying a lot lately about him feeling bad about the interactions and about the people he's interacting with developing the idea that they should avoid him. Somehow I've trained myself to have a pretty good poker face when talking with him about things or when sending him off. I think I've learned that worrying is pointless. I have some health concerns so I try to keep myself on an even keel to avoid too much stress. Not always successful at that though.

I honestly never understood my own parents and this issue, they would gripe at me from before I was 16 to get a job and move out and become independent. My dad would tell me he had a job at age 13 and was buying his own food etc.

Yet every time I made a move toward independence they would fight it or sabotage me, if I had a job interview they would say no we aren't driving you that job isn't worth it it is beneath you. They wouldn't help me buy a cheap junker car to drive to work, or help me move out, always saying I can't expect them to give me money I need to make my own money. Even sabotaging me in front of clients, I was doing freelance IT work setting up networks and my mom told one client I was ret*d and the guy dropped me.

My mom tried to sabotage my relationship with my future wife, saying she was trying to exploit me. My sister said after I was married and I called and told my parents they had a grandson on the way their faces just went down and my mom said "oh that is it he is trapped forever now".

I never was able to make them realize I was an intelligent capable teen and adult, even at the same time they denied anything was wrong with me! It was like they were in denial and at the same time protective lol. My teen and adult years they spent pushing me away and demanding I become independent, but also trying to pull me back and keep me a child whenever I made an effort to.

Sorry if this is a hijack the topic just made me think of it.

It's hard to know when and how much to let go. If you're anxious, it could be because your child isn't ready yet. When I wasn't sure she would know how to handle danger, I got my DD to stay on the phone with me when she walked home. I think it's fine to start small and set parameters, e.g. they can go as long as they call at a certain time, or they have to be watching for your text and reply promptly, or they have to stay in a certain area of the mall, or they have to be ready to be picked up at a certain time. Try to keep in mind that you want your child to be able to function independently as much and as soon as possible, but that you are teaching them how to do things gradually.

I remember my mom being worried about me. She wouldn't let me have a job and she didn't want me leaving school property during lunch and in 8th grade, she didn't want me going on the honor roll tip because she said I wouldn't be happy on it and I would ruin it for the other kids with my anxiety. She told me as an adult that she worried about me in high school because she worried I would do drugs to be like the other kids and get addicted to them and destroy my own life and she wouldn't know where I am as an adult. I was someone who always copied other kids because I thought it was normal behavior but she couldn't keep me locked in our home forever just because there are people out there that set bad examples. She also thought I might get pregnant but talked me out of it. She would have just made it tough for me I probably would have ended up putting it up for an adoption or just quit school to work because I wouldn't be able to handle both.

I am sure she worried about my brothers too.

Thank you all for your understanding and advice it is good not to feel alone

My mom was master of the stealth check up. Every time I drove over to a friend's house (there was only 1) at some point she would call with some question for me, like "I can't find the TV remote, did you see it anywhere?" or "I can't decide what to make for dinner -- would you rather have spaghetti or chicken?" Since she did it every time it seemed normal. I never caught on that she was checking up on me. I'm sure if we'd had cell phones she would have turned on the Find My iPhone feature, and sent text messages asking about random stuff.

Zette you are probably right I put big effort into not smothering my daughter entirely and try to avoid the "casual" calls and texts but sometimes can't resist
But am proud to say I only call or text about a tenth of the number of times I think about it.

Currently trying very hard to stay out of it whilst she is having a fifteenth birthday party in my house with a group of her classmates and kids she knows from computer class I am in one of the downstairs rooms with my other children hoping both she and her best friend/boyfriend who is also on the spectrum are ok. Spent the last couple of days getting things ready and keep everything very low key and quiet so she would have the reserves for it but really really hope it goes ok we have another five hours to go. It appears I am also anxious when she is in I think I am hopeless