Daughter acting suicidal on Saturday

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We had a really good holiday with waffles and strawberries and whip cream for xmas breakfast and turkey dinner with all of the trimmings for supper. My son came over on Christmas Eve and my 14 year old AS daughter decided we should all exchange gifts that night, so we did and everyone was pleased.

It was all good and calm and happy for days because my girls' friends that had moved to Lebanon are back for a visit after 4 years. So my AS daughter is having a lot of fun socializing and is actually leaving the house.

So I was quite surprised by her major meltdown on Saturday night. It was almost 11:00 pm and I was trying to get to sleep and she freaked out because her sister had eaten poutine that day with her friend and also had chocolate. This is what set her off and she was shrieking about the unfairness of it all. Her twin had gone to a sleepover the night before with their friend Rachel and my aspie daughter wasn't happy about that either. I tried to continue with getting to bed, but it was no use because she kept on knocking on my door or bugging her sister. I let her in my room and she was lying on my bed, so I tried to get us to sleep in my bed, but she was squishing me and wailing and it was no good, so I got up to go downstairs and watch tv. She followed me downstairs and it was dark and she tripped and ripped her favourite jeans and decided she now had to kill herself. She grabbed the costco supersized bottle of tylenol and poured a handful and tried to take them. I took them away and grabbed the cap from her. So she went to the kitchen and grabbed the butcher block and was wanting to stab herself. I got that away from her, so she ran upstairs and grabbed a plastic tooth flosser and was trying to slit her wrists with the pointy edge. I took that away and she used her nails to do it. And she was running upstairs and downstairs trying to find anything to kill herself and I got her sister to help me keep her safe. She was throwing herself on the floor and banging her head in the wall and just kept saying she had to die and then started flipping out about having to return to school (even though she still had 10 days off).

After half an hour, I called the crisis line because I just didn't know what to do anymore with her. (I had never called them before because I felt they would just take her away and make things worse.) She was shrieking so much when I was on the phone, I held her down in my room to keep her safe and her twin talked to them on another phone and they said to call 911 if it was life threatening. She had never done anything like this before, she had mentioned wanting to die, but had not grabbed things to try and harm herself. I was really worried that the Zoloft was making her suicidal so I called 911 and then we had 3 police officers in my room trying to figure out if she was safe or not and the paramedics came too. They were just going to assess her and let her go to bed, but she wouldn't stop talking about killing herself and how no one would care about her if she did. She also decided that all her friends from her aspergers school were just horrible and that she was in the ret*d class, even though she just had a really fun Xmas party at our home with a bunch of her friends on the last day of school. So the paramedics took her and us to the children's hospital. We were there until 2:30 in the morning and they sent us home because she was tired now and she said she was too tired to kill herself anymore. I made her a turkey sandwich at 3:00 am in the morning and she went to bed.

The doctor at the hospital said Zoloft would not be the problem because it is very slow acting and takes 2 to 3 weeks to start really getting in your system. (It had only been 9 days.) She is off 5-HTP now too, so I figure she felt more anxious than usual.

She got her first period a month ago and I checked the calendar and 4 weeks later would have been Saturday, the same day she had her meltdown, so now her sister and I are wondering if it was some kind of hormonal rage. She didn't get her period yet though.

The hospital told me she may do this again before school starts and I may have to bring her back to be assessed. It always seems that just when she seems at her happiest, that is when her meltdowns occur.

There always seems to be a calm before the storm.

Maybe she was just acting happy like she was enjoying herself, and it finally got to the point she couldn't put on the act anymore. I attempted suicide when I was 15, and people did not really expect it because I acted like I was just fine the weeks leading up to it. But yeah if her sister and a friend of both of theirs had a sleep over and she wasn't invited I could see why that would be upsetting, probably made her feel left out and question if their 'friend' is actually a friend to both of them...or if she's just seen as the tag along sister when they actually hang out.

Also what is she taking zoloft for? in some people anti-depressants can make them more anxious, I have experienced that from all I've tried.....also I have had detrimental side effects from such meds before the 2-3 weeks it takes for it to entirely kick in so might be best to take their advice it can't be the zoloft contributing with a grain of salt.

The holidays can be overwhelming for most people (and certainly for those of us on the spectrum) so I think that probably was a factor. Obviously the other things you mentioned likely contributed as well.

Many of us went through similar struggles when we were teenagers but I think it's something of a phase that can be overcome as one grows older.

Thank you Sweetleaf - her being tired of acting happy kind of makes sense. She does do that a lot and when she melts down at school, she will say she is tired of acting happy. She must be a really good actress though because she acts so happy that she fools me and her even twin sister. As for her friend, she probably did feel a bit left out, but they have been friends since they were 3 years old in nursery school, so I am sure she feels they are close friends too. Her sister and this friend go to the same high school, so that makes them closer now. Also, when my AS daughter has been invited for a sleepover, she has come home either that night or extremely early in the morning, so I think it makes her friend reluctant to invite her. Her mom only allows one guest to sleep over per night.

She started taking Zoloft on the advice of a psychiatrist to hopefully help her manage her near constant anxiety. It is causing her problems at school and she can barely sit in class or do her work, even though she gets really good grades if she does the work.

Thanks Alex for your reassurance that this may be a teen phase, I really hope so! I always forget how overwhelming even good times are for her. Like when we go on our yearly summer trip, she wants to go and she is happy to go, but I think she almost enjoys remembering the trip more when she is back home.

That sounds really scary. I am so sorry you had to go through it. And I'm sorry she did, too.

I have no direct experience to compare it to, really, but what comes to mind is that my son is usually very "well put together." But when he loses it, he really loses it. He is 13 and has had the personal insight to tell me that he thinks it is "puberty striking". He said that at the time, he feels completely and utterly overwhelmed, but then when it passes, and he looks back on it, he has no idea why he felt that strong because it doesn't make any sense to him. In hindsight he can see that his reaction was way out of proportion and sometimes not even provoked. But in the thick of it, he can't see it. The other day I corrected him on something--minor really--and he burst into tears. I asked him why he was crying and he started laughing in a very sad way amidst his tears and said he had no idea at all. He was trying to stop crying and just couldn't. I had to leave him alone to let him gather himself, much like I used to have to when he was younger and mid-meltdown. Because if I try to talk to him, reason with him, or even comfort him, it just makes him more upset.

I hope they are wrong and it doesn't happen again.

I sure hope so too!

There are warnings aplenty about teens (and others, but especially teens) actually feeling MORE suicidal during the early weeks of anti-depressant use. Your doctor should not have dismissed that. Also, the hormone influence is possible - I'm bipolar, and on medication that works well, but during certain phases of my cycle I can sometimes have breakthrough mood swings.

Also, an anti-depressant did not relieve anxiety in my son either. It took Abilify, which our doctor says has anti-anxiety properties in people on the spectrum. My son is also now on lamictal for mood swings (it's actually an anti-convulsant, but has known properties for mitigating mood swings). He seems to be doing better so far. These are just the medications that we have tried - these specific ones may not work for your daughter. I just wanted to give examples of the different types of medications that are sometimes used.

I would speak to your doctor about other options for your daughter.

I thought I remembered your previous postings were more desperate about your daughter becoming overwhelmed. Is she overall better or worse, easier or harder to keep safe?

Sweetleaf - I did speak with my doctor about medications specifically to treat her anxiety and he said for teens, antidepressants were the one to try. I definately do take her wanting to hurt herself seriously - that is why I called for help from the police and paramedics. I would never ignore her pleas for help. She has been doing really well since that episode on the 27th, so perhaps she was just overwhelmed with the excitement of the holidays.

Odetta, thanks for telling me about you and your son's experiences on medication. My daughter's father is diagnosed with bipolar and schizoaffective disorder, so I have been really watching her on Zoloft to make sure she doesn't get manic or something. I spoke to her doctor about not wanting to try Abilify or any other antipsychotics until we tried antidepressant meds first. In my line of work, our clients have children that take a cocktail of various drugs and it seems to make their symptoms worsen and they are so out of control.

Waterfalls - yes my posts last year were more desparate. She wasn't in the aspergers program yet and she used to be quite violent and destructive too. She started 5HTP in July and that was really helpful for the violence, but not for her anxiety and that is why we are trying Zoloft. She is on the dosage for 6 to 12 year olds and she is 14, so the doctors are aware that medications can really affect autistic people strongly. Her sister and I have also gotten better coping skills with her and my being on Cymbalta is probably the best help because I am much calmer and able to help her stay calm.

Elklan - we are all aware about the scary effects in certain teens - that is why I called for help when she was acting suicidal. She has always been more apt to hurt others and throw things around, not trying to hurt herself, so it really worried me.

How is she doing? Did she go back to school today?

Yes she did go back to school today and I was happy that her sister and I were able to get her to stop ruminating about it last night. She started her usual whining about not wanting to go and not caring about her friends etc. and I told her that her friends would probably miss her if she didn't go and I was sorry she didn't feel like going, but she would have to go. Then I distracted her by going downstairs to have a glass of pop and her iron pill and asked her what she wanted to eat for supper. She was all happy that I was making a meal especially for her, when I had already eaten with my boyfriend earlier. Then I gave her two choices for her lunch at school and she made that choice too. She started up again about school when I wanted her to go have a bath, but her sister promised to let her play with her Ipod for half an hour if she went to bathe and packed her snacks for school, so she did.

I gave her melatonin at 9:45, so she would get to sleep early enough and made her a bagel for breakfast this morning (her fave.). So hopefully she is having a good day at school. I almost warned them about this episode, but since it happened 9 days ago and she has been doing really well since then, I didn't want them stressing her out about it today. I am hoping that showing off her new Mp3 to her friends will make today fun. She can also tune everyone out with her headphones during free time if she likes or use her portable speakers to share her music.