Footwear!

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We have had problems with footwear for my 12 year old son for a very long time. I'm wondering if anyone can give me insight as to why or what to do.

He always wants to wear socks. He wears socks to bed, and when he was young, he would cry to take them off for a bath (now he's ok with that). But he refuses to wear shoes. He will only wear rubber boots, and they must be on the wrong feet...and he won't wear them for long.

There's nothing wrong with his feet- they're not oddly-shaped or anything.
He has had shoes that fit properly and I've also tried shoes that are too big, and slightly too small.
I've tried shoes that have velcro, shoes that have laces, shoes that have curly laces, shoes that don't have buckles, shoes that just slip on. They're all no good.
I've tried heavy shoes, light shoes, shoes with characters on them, shoes that light up, wide shoes, thin shoes (his feet are thin).
I've tried sandals, crocs, etc. No, no, no, no, NO.
I've tried the shoes with toes (like these http://www.mackite.com/art/vibrams1_Bikila_Castle_Rock_LS-mens.jpg)- these are the ones that he wears for the longest other than boots.
I tried these shoe-lace-fasteners that made it very difficult to take them off, and that just made it worse- he did eventually get them off and the battle was worse.
I've taken him to a fancy store that fits the shoes.

I've also tried different kinds of socks, including long socks (I was thinking about boots then). But he will wear any socks and they didn't change the shoe situation. Like I said, he likes socks.

Putting on shoes every day is a battle. He will scream, he will throw them, he will lie on the floor, etc. Once they are on, he will take them off in public and we do the battle all over again to get them back on. He doesn't have any difficulty taking them on and off, by the way.

I've exhausted all of my ideas. Why does it matter? Well, because you need to wear footwear to go into stores and stuff, and I worry about him barefoot outside (I let him in our back yard after scouring it, but elsewhere it's a problem).

Thanks in advance

Have you tried something like this: http://yz.totes-isotoner.com/to/10118/1 ... /thumb.jpg ?

I know they are slippers, but they have a sole, and if the goal is that his feet are protected and he can go into businesses, it'll do.

I was going to suggest the same thing as Fitzi.

I don't know what could be causing it. I know my daughter has weird things going on with socks (it takes her forever to put them on because they have to be "right," so I know her feet are super sensitive in some way that makes her hyperaware of...who knows what...something on her feet). So maybe the shoes rub in some way? Or maybe he never acclimates to the feeling of shoes on his feet?

My son also has a problem if his toes can't move the way he wants them to while in shoes. But it seems if your son's feet are narrow and you have tried him in wide shoes, that probably isn't it.

Sorry. I wish I had something to offer.

I also always wear socks. I always have. For me, the ground beneath my feet has too many textures -- they bother me ("bother" is not a strong enough word but it's all I can think of). Socks are really nothing like shoes. Socks are sort of like a second skin -- shoes are stiff, heavy foreign objects tied to your feet that change how it feels to walk.

My guess, given that he tolerates the shoes with toes better and wears his rubber boots on the wrong feet, is that it may have something to do with how shoes completely change the muscle movements you use to walk, and maybe also how they make it really hard to feel the ground beneath your feet. Rubber boots can do both of these things, too, but (depending on the boots) to a lesser extent, and the muscle-movement thing would be less dramatic if you had the boots on the wrong feet (you have to use some of the same muscles that you use to walk bare-/sock-footed if you wear them backwards -- I don't know if you can do the same thing with shoes because I've never worn them on the wrong feet).

It could also be that the rubber boots are either more or less flexible than most shoes (I would guess more flexible), or that his rubber boots don't have a lot/any seams and weird ridges and that they probably don't fit with more pressure in some places than others like shoes often do.

It could also be a combination of things.

I wasn't able to tell the difference between the right and left shoes until I was about seven or eight. Though, since you are always assisting and they're on the wrong feet every time, I gather that's not the issue.

It could be sensory thing. He might like the pressure against his big toes. It seems reasonable that he'd like the shoes that were too small if that was the case, but sensory issues can be very particular.

Maybe try presenting the shoes to him switched around.

Sorry I can't help with the main issue of shoes themselves

Thanks- I'll look into slippers. He also hates having his toenails clipped, which also suggests sensitive feet (he's ok with me clipping his finger nails).
Also (not sure if it's related) he likes to wear socks on his hands too, especially in crowded/louder public places.

The shoes on wrong feet is definitely not a coincidence or him not knowing- this is the only way he will wear them at all. This is something I've given up on though- I think it's probably bad for his feet, but I don't even bother anymore trying to get them on the right feet- if the shoes are on then that's great- let's go- QUICK- before he takes them off!! !

I think animalcrackers said everything I was trying to put words to when I saw your post.

I have to wonder if he might like those minimalist shoes for the outdoors. I don't know what they're called, but here's an example:
http://www.amazon.com/Vibram-FiveFinger ... ning+shoes

They might work, or they might not. If they don't work for him, one reason would be the feeling of having something between his toes. It's hard to explain, but when I tried a pair of those on, I didn't like that feeling at all.

I'm also thinking he might be OK with water shoes. If he is, get him a pair with a thicker sole. I have a pair of Tevas that are amazing. I pull them out whenever I have a valid excuse. When I'm an old woman, I'll probably just walk around in them everywhere.

I'm sorry, I had to laugh when I saw the title to this topic - we had such trouble with socks when DS was younger (and, honestly, the only reason we don't now is that we finally found the "right" socks.) I know so, so many other parents who have kids on the spectrum with footwear issues. Your title sums it up so perfectly!

On a more serious note, from what you are describing, it sounds like your son needs even sensory feedback around his whole foot - some kind of a pressure thing. Socks offer pretty even sensory feedback, shoes do not. I can see where rubber boots on the wrong feet probably press on his foot pretty evenly all the way around, right? They will put more pressure than a standard shoe would and on the wrong feet are probably pressing evenly on either side (and possibly front to back, too.) Rubber boots, being flexible, probably also don't gap away from the foot the way a shoe does when you step toe-first (like this - where it is labeled "1" see where the shoe gaps away from the foot? http://www.catfootwear.com/US/en/Featur ... gy-Flexion )

So, what he needs is a shoe that does the opposite of what most people need: one he can feel around his foot at all times, and one that doesn't gap away from his feet on the sides when he takes a step. He needs to never feel the ABSENCE of shoe. Crocs don't work because they are intended to hold the foot WITHOUT rubbing and don't provide sensory feedback...but I wonder if too-small Crocs might do it? (He is unlikely to injure his feet in something made of malleable foam rubber.)

Another suggestion might be water shoes or diving booties, like these:http://www.amazon.com/U-S-Divers-Comfo-Snorkling-Diving/dp/B000ELYHXG/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1419705258&sr=8-10&keywords=dive+boots
Since they are designed to be worn underwater, the "gap" on either side of the shoe is eliminated because it would cause water pressure to take the shoe off the foot. If the booties work, there are more sneaker-like water shoes that might be the next step. In doing a little googling for you, another place to look is where the Vibram shoes came into being: "barefoot" running forums.

Lastly, I don't think this is too small of a problem to take to a professional - call around to podiatrists, explain the situation, and go to one that seems like he understands. Shoes with custom orthodics might also be the answer.

Good luck! Hang in there!

Sorry I don't have any actual advice, just replying because it sounds familiar...

Both of my boys (5 and 3yo) are heavily into rubber boots, worn the wrong way around, but without socks. They also like to take off their boots or any other footwear at the first opportunity that presents itself - i.e. pretty much as soon as we stop walking and stay in one place for a minute.
As to why - for my boys, my best guess so far is that the older one, who LOVES water, likes rubber boots because they remind him of playing in puddles (he also likes wearing swimming trunks no matter which season), and the younger one is just imitating him; whereas the preference for wearing boots / any other footwear the wrong way around came from the little one, who likes wearing EVERYTHING back to front and inside out.
Sometimes I wish we lived in some hippie commune where everyone goes barefoot

What can I say - hope you find something that helps!

Thanks Momsparky- that was informative about the sensory feedback. His sensory problems are largely a mystery to me. He is sort of a sensory-seeker but seems to get overwhelmed by the sensory stuff (that he sought out even). But anyway what you said makes sense.

Maglevsky- I know what you mean about the hippie commune LOL. He loves water too coincidentally (although I'm fairly certain that's not why he picked rubber boots).

As always, I come out of left field. I don't know whether my comments will help. But I can share two stories, where I solved two tantrum problems with pin-point precision.

My best guess would be the shoes problem has nothing to do with shoes. I could be wrong, but that is my guess.

Story one: my son refused to sit on high chair for dinner, at home. Solution? I drew pictures for him, telling him that Mommy was in school when he woke up there a few days ago, and that in the future whenever he woke up from nap in school, he would go out to play in the playground first, then he will have circle time in class. And that Mommy will come to pick him up later. All that, in pictures.

Story two: my son refused to watch new video clips I made for him. Refused to learn to read words. Solution? I took him out one Saturday to McDonald's, and also rode elevators/escalators. Spent one whole day having fun with him in our neighborhood shopping plaza. Took some photo pictures. Made a video clip out of the day's experience with photo pictures and stick figure drawings.

In both cases I solved the problems, completely. I attacked the roots of both problems. Not the symptoms. My son was largely non-verbal, back then.

I can imagine what would have happened if I dwelt on trying various tricks to help him sit on high chair, or just trying different varieties of new video clips. (Yes, done that.) They wouldn't have worked. (Matter of fact, they did not work.) Because I wouldn't have been addressing the root issues.

What does dinner high chair have anything to do with waking up from a nap in school?

What do refusal to watch video clips and refusal to read, have anything to do with riding elevators/escalators in shopping plaza?

Children with autism keep a "double-entry ledger" in their brains, and track every single good or bad experience in their lives. Especially the bad experiences. Their resentment is cumulative. It's best to remove their negative points as soon as possible, otherwise you will forget, and it will become impossible to track the precise source of resentment, especially when your children are still non-verbal. The way you remove the negative points is through picture-aided talking with your children.

In the first case, my wife accumulated a negative point during one of the first days of my son going to a new preschool. My son woke up, my wife was still in school, but in a different room. My son did not see my wife, and cried. The dinner time tantrum had nothing with dinner time.

In the second case, I was too busy with work for a few months, and did not spend time with my son as much. The refusal to watch video clips or to read had nothing to do with the content of the video clips or the teaching techniques for reading.

By attacking the roots, I eliminated the tantrums, completely.

I can't tell you where/when you scored the negative points, because I don't know the details your family life. But my general advice is: communicate with your children through their eyes, not their ears. Your child probably is mature enough that you don't need to make hand-drawn video clips. But use a notebook with space for pictures, and communicate to him that way. A magnetic drawing boards probably won't work too well, since he hasn't developed relationship with it since early childhood, but I would use blank paper sheets instead. Draw pictures. Write things down.

I don't want to be labeled as sexist, but my wife tells me that I need to get this point out. Statistically speaking, there is a higher chance of the autistic genes to be coming from the father side. What I usually see is mothers running around like crazy seeking solutions for their children on the spectrum, without realizing that the solution has always been there, at home. Get the guys involved. Guys are usually more technology-oriented. Besides, they often resonate better with their children, and have a "sixth sense" that outsiders simply cannot comprehend. (I know each family is different, and I certainly have met Moms that are 10 times more autistic than I am. But I am just describing the most typical situation.) If you have watched the elevator video clips by DieselDucy, I can tell you this: this guy resonates much better with my son. I am pro-picture, my son is pro-video. My son learned to talk quite a lot through watching the elevator video clips of this guy. OK, I am getting off topic. So I'll stop here. Main takeaway: get the guys involved.

When my daughter went through a phase like this we got some vibram five fingers, those worked for us and now she will wear sneakers. You could try the slipper socks, that might be a place to start. With us once we got her to tolerate on piece of footwear, it was easy to move on to others. If he were a girl I would suggest a pair of ugg like boots like bear paws or something similar. They are like wearing big comfy socks. My daughter REALLY loves those and would wear those year round if I let her. You might be able to get a pair in black and it might be ok. Not sure, depends a lot on how you feel about it.

To continue on that topic: I don't think you are sexist, and I definitely think men should be involved - but, IMO, the differences between men and women on the spectrum are largely due to nurture, not nature. Girls automatically get the equivalent of early childhood intervention and some very severe operant conditioning from their peers if they don't socialize properly; there are probably significantly more of us who, like me, can't seem to get a diagnosis even though it's clear to me that I'm working harder at all these skills than NT women do (plus would have been a textbook case in pre-k through elementary school.)

All that to say - it's worth listening carefully to what each parent brings to the table. An autistic person's input is important.

Eikonabridge- how do you make video clips? Like on what program? I'm not very tech savvy but I do think that he might understand videos. We use PECS with him and he uses them as his primary communication (but obviously they don't allow for abstract thoughts) and we use them for scheduling and stuff. But I feel like he's right on the edge of communication- it's so close (I think anyway). And I can see him understanding videos (whereas I can't really see it with my older son). Unfortunately with him, his speech has come and gone and come and gone and come and gone... but the PECS have remained fairly constant (he has lost some of his use of those but not completely like his language) so I'd actually be more interested in getting him to make videos. I was actually thinking about taking him to a programming course or something, but of course none would allow him in with his degree of disability. Speaking of rambling.. anyway, yeah I'm interested in getting into making videos with him.

I think it is related to shoes because he has a lot of sensory issues. He's had therapists who said that sensory was his #1 problem (which is saying a lot considering the 'surface' problems- of which there are many). Also this problem persists for 11 years... it persists on days where he is otherwise sunny and compliant...so I doubt it's a grudge he's holding. But I guess it could be.

Also, his dad is more "spectrummy" than I, and I agree that it's good to get him involved. He's not technologically-oriented at all though, and he has that "sixth sense" thing with our older son, but not as much with our younger son. Our younger son is perplexing to most people it seems.

CWA- Personally I could not care less if it's "for girls" or not.. My only concern would be him being bullied. We live in a fairly liberal area though so in our neighbourhood I'm sure it would be fine, but I'm not sure about at school.

Uggs on a boy would be no issue where I live either.

I'm just wondering, although a lot of it is probably sensory related, could balance be an issue too? My older son has Sensory Processing Disorder and he has a lot of issues with motor planning and knowing where his body is in space. It occurred to me that the rubber boots on the wrong feet might help him to feel more balanced because the way they hold his foot gives an extra feeling of being stable when they are on the wrong feet. So, the toe shoes would also help him feel more balanced because he has the feeling of the earth right under his feet.

If this seems like it could be the case, maybe you could look into shoes that promote balance, like Birkenstocks. A lot of guys I knew in college wore them all winter with socks. Although I personally didn't love that look , maybe he would like that it would be closer to just wearing socks.

Happy New Year.

I use a variety of programs. The technology is changing so fast, so please check with other people as well. I am stuck in another era. My main video tool is Pinnacle Studio Ultimate (US$50~$120 depending on what version and where you buy it. I bought mine a few years ago.) There are at least three more possibilities:
(1) Windows Movie Maker (free if you have a Windows computer)
(2) Sony Movie Studio (used to be called Sony Vegas when I used it many years ago): $US 60~100
(3) Google's WeVideo (free online app): https://www.wevideo.com/

Things change. So I am not up to date. Apple computers, or Apple/Android tablets, may have other technology offerings.

The devil is in the details. There is no easy way. Shooting video clips is easy to do, but editing large-size video clips can be a pain, with all the format conversion stuff. (If you have newer/powerful computers, this may not be an issue.) Using a camera or cell phone, you can take photo pictures, too. Or you can draw pictures on computer (this would be great if you have latest touch-screen computers.) I have done all that, but my most used approach is actually drawing pictures on a sheet of paper, then scan it into computer (I have an all-in-one printer that works as scanner as well.) I manipulate/edit the images, and use video editor (Pinnacle Studio) to make video clip out of a set of static image files. I record voice over within Pinnacle. Pinnacle also comes with some sound effects.

Additional tools:
(a) Microsoft MSPaint: free with Windows, for quick image editing. I type words and draw speech bubbles there.
(b) GIMP: free, advanced graphic editing software, it allows me to clean up images (scanned images are usually dirty.)
(c) Audacity: free sound editing software
(d) Google for online cartoonizer websites if you want to make photos look like cartoon images
(e) Tripod: for immobilizing camera, if you shoot video clips from real-time drawings.


Could be. By the way, I used to think that kids are not happy because of having sensory issues. Nowadays I am starting to look in the other direction: kids have sensory issues because they are not happy. Like tantrums, it's too late to solve them at the moment when sensory issues occur. When you address sensory issues at their moment of happening, you will only be dealing with the symptoms, and not addressing the root cause. Nowadays I think that sensory issues should be addressed when kids are at their happiest hours. The root cause of sensory issues is that these "isolated processes" are unconnected to the "happy areas" inside the brains of these children. Kids need to be happy first. You then modulate in the sensory experiences gradually and gently into their happy moments. This way you achieve establishing positive connections into those sensory processes, and then the kids will be able to divert their attention/energy away from those isolated processes. At least that was how my daughter got used to noises and also to Halloween spooks.