UGH!! DESPERATE for advice!! !

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My son is 16 AS. He has had his rage issues in the past and they are few and far between. As you all know far too well they are unbearable when they occur tho.
1) Why do they happen?
He says he has no idea why he is angry right now. Yet he is very stressed and angry. He is playing his ICP music so loud on his headphones I can hear the lyrics clearly. He walks around stimming ( hands flap or clutched fists)
2)How do we help them during the episodes?
I try and ask him to talk it all out...which makes him angrier. I try and let him sit and wallow in his rage ( which he says he wants to do) but that seems to honestly just fuel it worse.)
3)Is depression part of the same waves of emotions?
He was stating he hates himself that is why he is angry. My son is a happy kid, aside from his episodes. He is not all doom and gloom and depressed. Does he always hate himself, or was it said in the heat of the moment? I don't expect anyone to know the answer to that one....
4) Help?

I think moodiness is a big part of adolescence but with AS it's greatly magnified. There probably is a reason but it's not always obvious to us since they don't communicate as much detail and we aren't as involved in their school life as we used to be. It's a really confusing and helpless time for everyone.

It helped me to read up on typical teen behavior to see the similarities. Some of this is very typical of teens. Don't you remember feeling awkward, paranoid, and alone in your feelings? Now add to that the social isolation and abuse at the hands of peers and you've got irritible moodiness and anger to the extreme.

If his moods are generally short lived and he returns to his happy self and nothing in his routine has changed drastically, it's probably not depression. Look for lasting trends and a general downward spiral in many areas to assess for clinical depression. If there is a lot of change, get help right away. If you are uncertain, call the doctor.

It seems like he's found a way to make himself feel better. Pacing, stimming and listening to music sounds like a pretty healthy outlet. My 14yo son does the same. I just ignore him and when he's calm, mention that I noticed his stress and if he wants to talk, I'll be here to listen. Unfortunately, there's not much else you can do. You're not alone, though. Good luck!

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. You have no idea about the stress we live with, particularly as a teenager. Our emotions are not clear. Some people express it as rage, some as uncontrollable sobbing. There is a disconnect between the emotions and the logical mind. It's a problem with Central Coherence (as explained by Uta Frith). Even though we may possess all the facts, we can't see them at the time. Anti-anxiety meds may make a large difference.

He hates himself when he can't control the emotions. So do I. The vast majority of people with AS have very low self esteem.

I know I have no idea.....it is terribly painful for me not to be able to just reach my son and "kiss his booboo"

He tried anti-anxiety meds before and he did ot like them at all, he was actually far worse with rage and behavior. All we tried was paxil, though. He does like Kava Kava.

Right now his grandfather is moving in with us, he had emergency bypass surgery...my son is close with his grandfather. I had wondered if it was anxiety about that.

However, recently his school has called saying his grades are down. His grades are down because he spends all his waking time playing warcraft, either in his head or on the computer. If his grades decline he knows we won't let him play his game.....

man it is so hard to help him and it is all i want to do.

How about some practical advice about relieving anxiety (besides meds). What works for you?

Most music, I'd agree. ICP (Insane Clown Posse) is not exactly soothing. Take a look at some lyrics, if you have a strong stomach: http://www.elyrics.net/read/i/insane-cl ... yrics.html I went through the same sort of thing with one of my sons (now 23), who seemed to get into kind of a rage feedback loop with music that glorified violence. He eventually got over his rage issues, and stopped listening to that sort of music, but I never felt like it was a healthy outlet for him, and wished I could have found some way to get him to stop listening to that crap. I never did.

Never heard of ICP - vile trash. Thanks for the notice.

Did you son ever act out violently as a result of listening to that kind of music?

Yes, he did, although he wasn't an aspie, so it's only semi-germane.

Being quiet, away from people, indulging in my interests. I'd rather avoid things which produce the anxiety if at all possible.

Nothing works as well as Zoloft. Celexa is also good. I cannot tolerate tricyclic antidepressants, only SSRIs.

He's self medicating on his special interest, which can become obsessive. It's like being in another world where all the emotions disappear and only the game (or whatever interest) exists. I'm sure he gets very angry when interrupted. Very similar to OCD. This is something I have to watch carefully in myself.

I would suggest trying an SSRI such as Zoloft or Celexa, if he hasn't tried those.

Thank you all!
I have called into his school about getting back his IEP. As well they have a counselor who is familiar with Aspie "issues" ( put it in quotes because it is not that they are issues ...quirks maybe?)

He is on an herbal therapy for anxiety that is working well ...right now....
He also went on a job interview so he is feeling excited with the possibility of work.

We came to a compromise about his game time where he is allowed 1 hour a day and that is it, then the whole lap top is to be put away.

Any other dieas? I appreciate all the input and insight!

trying to talk to him when he's calm is probably the best idea....also try to let him come up with consequences for himself and solutions~you'd be surprised what they come up with ! ....I did this with my son when he was 13, and boy was i apprehensive about it...but he really was able to come up with some serious consequences~ i actually had to tone down his idea of consequences quite a bit ! ( he thought that if he refused to get off the computer after being asked 3 times, that he should be banned from it for a month !)

Try and avoid drugs as much as possible as they change your kids personality

This is what happened to him when he was 12. We tried them and he hated how he felt and he actually has trouble remembering that time.
Thank you for your thoughts and input!