Advice? child seems different from other kids

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Hi everyone.
I'm looking for some advice from other parents who have been there before. I'm wondering am I right to be concerned or am I over reacting?

My 3yr old seems different from the other kids his age. He has a speech delay and has only just started speaking recently but he is still very hard to understand and seems to just talk if he wants something instead of conversation. We start speech therapy in a week's time so hopefully that will help him along. He runs away A LOT. If I take him anywhere he bolts and hide, out the back of shops, under houses we always have to keep our doors locked. And when you catch him when he runs he goes floppy and just drops to the ground. If I try put him in a pushchair he kicks and screams and says walk walk walk so I tell him he can walk if he stays with mummy, but then he straight away looks at me and says run! And he's gone. He doesnt react to his name, especially when he's running, its like he gets in his own little world and just goes, and he definately knows his name because he always refers to himself in 3rd person and calls himself by his name. He also seems to not differenciate if he's being told off, even in situations that its dangerous like running onto the road, you can tell him off and he just laughs or other times he will cry because he thinks he's in trouble when he's not.
He squeels in public, not because of a tantrum, just to make loud noise like in the supermarket he will squeel over and over and over and there is nothing I can do to get him to stop. When we are in public I notice people looking at him and I know they think I can't control my naughty child but I'm at my wits end I just don't know what to do with him.
He used to be really funny with people, he loves kids but gets a bit over the top intense with them and he hates adults until about a year ago, he had a select few adults he trusted and liked but other than that strangers couldn't talk to him without him being terrified especially of old people, until recently he would scream and cry everytime he seen my grandparents, especially my grandmother which would upset her.

Sorry to drag on a bit but its hard to explain propperly, like I said at the start he just seems to behave differently.

Well, maybe the best person to evaluate your son would be someone who specializes in child developmental issues.

I understand that and we are in the process of getting it looked into I was more curios if other parents here think that his behaviour needs to be evaluated or whether I'm over reacting and rushing to get him evaluated when there is no need and just advice in general on how to deal with his behaviour

I am a parent. That's my advice.

It's hard to tell since he's only 3 and without knowing more, but I think it's worth getting an evaluation. I was not sure if I was overreacting or not with my son too, and it turned out that he had many delays when we did the evaluation at 3 also. He also did not speak much until he was 3, and I was the only one who understood him for a long time. I think if you are having these concerns, it's best to get it checked out. You may find there was nothing to worry about, or you may be able to get services to help with whatever issues they find.

You're not over-reacting.

I noticed both of my kids were different by the age of 3. The behaviors you have described may fall outside of the "normal" range of behaviors for a 3 year old, but it is impossible to know for sure from a description on over the internet.

I definitely think you have enough "evidence" to warrant having someone evaluate him, though.

Best of luck to you and stick around if you have more questions.

I don't think you are overreacting, either. i think the natural tendency is generally the opposite unless there is a known family history. I that in the beginning it was very easy for me to rationalize that things were in typical parameters when they were not.

No matter what happens, I think you will feel better knowing.

Up until age 3 theres a lot more room for individuality, after more is asked of kids so this is an age problems start to be more noticeable. And mixing up pronouns, talking about self as one hears is a red flag to consider ASD. The speech therapy may help, though, a lot of behaviors are common to children who have trouble communicating, whatever the cause. So I don't think you're overreacting, but neither is it necessarily the case that what you see now represents ASD.

I hope you get a good speech therapist. She may be able to help give perspective too.

Some things you wrote about are within the range of normal for a 3 year old (the running and hiding, for example, and not listening when in flight mode), but others are suspicious. So, I agree, you are right to look into it further.

I don't really want to validate the word "worrying" because there is no point in worrying until you have all the pieces. ASD by itself does not have to limit a person's life; that comes down more to the level of severity combined with IQ and the presence of co-morbids. But a smart parent is always going to want to have the best information about their child, and if your instincts are leading you to realize there is something "more" going on, then definitely follow them.

I don't think you're over reacting. All of that sounds like things I would have wrote about my son at that age (except instead of being scared of adults mine had/has no healthy fear of strangers) and he was diagnosed at 2 years old (he'll be 7 in a few months). I kept him on a harness for a couple years when we were in public so that he could still walk without bolting. I have alarms on my doors and windows so I know if he tries to leave the house alone.

I noticed my children were different when they were infants, and how they reacted to situations. Its hard for some people to see, but even my pediatrician noticed my child was different, even just seeing her for 15 minutes or so, once a year. My recommendation, would be to journal anything you see odd, seek the perspective of the therapist helping with speech, and then follow up. I agree with others, its not something you need to be worried about, but just something you may have to adjust to their personality (with or without a diagnosis of something).

You aren't over-reacting by seeking an evaluation.

I, too, was worried about labeling my son. I had (what I believe were incorrect) labels from very young and unhelpful therapies, so I was very scared of doing this to my son. Eventually, we did have him evaluated (at age 6, and he seems more mild than your descriptions, had no speech delay, etc.).

In the end, I decided that he did not need any therapies or special help than what he already had (he goes to a small private school, where each child already has an individual education plan). But, the diagnosis helped me. And, what it did for me, I suspect a diagnosis would do for you, too, by your description. I felt like I was doing all the right things on my end, but I had different results from everyone else. My son *flipped out* in public places (because of sensory issues) and I needed that explanation that told me it wasn't my fault.

So, for me, his evaluation was invaluable. For him, life didn't change.

With all that said, your son isn't my son, so you may be able to find appropriate therapies for him out of an evaluation. Either way, I think you stand to benefit (and indirectly, he would too, from a more relaxed parent).

Now, that was all about evaluation and why you aren't over-reacting. About some specific ideas that might help you with troubling behavior:

Is it possible to set up an acceptable running area for him? Somewhere that is safe, but completely acceptable for you, too. Then, every time he runs (and it's an okay time to run, not away from bedtime say, but during play/free time), redirect him to his special running area. And/or take him for runs at a local track! I bet he'd love that opportunity! Would he like obstacle courses? The pattern of what I'm saying here is, save yourself the trouble and difficulty of trying to stop this important (to him) activity and find ways to legitimize it and use it to connect.

On screaming--look for patterns. It's really hard to stop a child who doesn't want to stop screaming. You say he's doing it for fun. Is it possible to replace it with something else that's fun? Grocery shopping can be super boring for 3-year-olds. Can he be redirected to singing a song instead? Eating a snack/having a drink? You can also try consequences--go to the bathroom until he can find his indoor voice (this may not work if he doesn't care, but it's worth a try and to communicate boundaries). If I can't be stopped, I'd suggest trying to take him to the store less (not none, because he needs the exposure, but less because you don't want to reinforce incorrect behavior that you can't stop).

Good luck!

I re-read your post and think you should also consider sensory issues since his behavior seems to change when you go out.

I think almost every person can benefit from more awareness of how they react to sensory elements in the environment. Have you looked into sensory processing disorder? (I'm not suggesting he has or doesn't have it, simply that googling those words can help you find practical tips.)

When I re-read your post, I imagined him deciding to run to get away from noise or too much visual or tactile stimulation. I imagined him making his own loud noises to overcome to distraction of hearing the variety of noises all swirling together.

Thanks for all the replies it has made me feel much better.
I will look into sensory processing disorder. He hates loud noises, if there is a sudden loud noise he runs away covering his ears. But he himself is such a loud kid. And a lot of the behavioural problems seem to worsen away from home.
As for the running away, we have a fenced back section that he can't get out of so I open the back door and let him run and play to his hearts content but if we are at a park or something and
Let him run free he would just keep going and not come back to us. I have tried a harness but he just leans the opposite way and goes floppy or runs in the opposite direction so I'm almost having to drag him, it ended up being easier just to let him run.
IQ isn't an issue at all, he is very advanced age, the speech therapist actually ended up using the older kids cards which she said she has never used them on a 3yr old before. Speaking of, speech therapy went well, she said he has lots of words but seems to have trouble with constanants and making the right sounds, he also has trouble with words with 2 or more syllables and tends to shorten them to one syllable. He has another appointment in 2 months time and the speech therapist will then decide if he needs a referral to be evalutated. She did say she doesnt think aspergers (sorry if my spelling is off) is an issue as he made lots of eye contact, was happy to be social with her (a stranger) and to be somewhere outside his normal routine but she saidtthere may be other things going on that someone more qualified will know more about.

Just want to add that I had a speech therapist tell me my son didn't have autism simply because he was verbal, and I believed her for years until I had him evaluated by a person who was qualified to diagnose autism. Not saying that your child does or does not, just saying that you should go to a person who is knowledgeable and qualified to evaluate correctly.