Scary Thought For Me...

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what are your thoughts on having children if you are (probably) AS and are with someone who is NT but has a close relative that has severe AS?


this is something that i might have to contemplate if i start a relationship with someone...

You really need to examine whether you want and/or like kids. Any child has the possibility of needing something special. My husband didn't know anything about autism when we married and had our son. We knew we got along and we knew when our son was just like us. It's the outer NT world that we struggle with.
I think it hinges on who we have been influenced by. I was adopted and my entire family extremely NT. So, a lot of early parenting habits were influenced by that. But if you are going into a relationship, knowing you are autistic, then you have a whole headstart on the parenting thing.
The only problems I see (that are unavoidable) are the difficulties in dealing with noise, breaking things, mess and smells. But the learning styles, the social stuff is all cake if you know what you're getting into.

I, for some reason can't have kids, and although I really like kids and can really relate to them..and even have a knack for dealing with kids who are difficult and different, I am very likely better off..for my sake and the kids sake...

When last faced such a decision, AS was pretty unknown still, so I figured that my wife and I were merely eccentric, dweebish and not very social. We had a kid, and lo and behold, he is like us in almost every way, and has AS.

Would it bother you more if your kid was like you, or if your kid wasn't?

Kimj has a great supply of nails and uses her hammer well. She nailed the answer when she said you have to decide if you want and like kids. Having children is a huge responsibility. I have, 5 times. Believe me God has a sense of humor, albeit a grim one. My second family started when I was 52 and became Dad to a 5 yr old, at his request. "The problem with children is they don't come with an instruction manual." The fun part is you get to write your own Manual as you go along. Be prepared to make mistakes and adjustments as you go along.

The first step should be to firm up this proposed relationship and see how your future partner feels about having children. If you both want them, gofor it and get ready for a lifelong adventure.

In any case keep in touch here, maybe we can help you through any rough spots.

I think it about how the children are, but how much love and effort you are willing to put into their lives... If my Grandfathers Dog was able to 'foster mother' a cat (LONG story) then surely its not about what they are, but about what you are prepared to be for them...

Hi! I have As & I have 2 kids. the thing I find challenging is that as an As person, I have a tremendous need for solitude. Children, however, require a large amount of your time and mental/emotional attention & energy. they cannot be 'turned off' and put away when you're not in the mood. I've learned to use the time they're in school, with friends or in their rooms doing their own thing to get my alone time. when they're around, I can chat with them about whatever they are interested in while I do the dishes, laundry or other household tasks. That way, when they're not around, I don't have to waste all the alone time on housework. If you decide to have children, realize that even if they know you have AS or anything else for that matter, they still have their needs you will be expected to meet. If you feel you can't do this, then don't have kids. I have great rapport with children; they like me & I like them. My problem is mostly with other adults. there are advantages to being a parent with AS. I often am as delighted with simple things like blowing bubbles, colouring with crayons, watching cartoons, seeing a butterfly or a puppy as they are. I do not have that 'fake' enjoyment jadedness many grown ups have. Eating cookies or getting icecream or balloons is as fun for me as it is for them. Now that they're teen agers, they're much more autonomous as far as their basic needs go but emotionally, they are more draining than ever. There's a lot of drama and moodiness. You can succeed as a parent AS and all, but you must be realistic about balancing your needs with theirs.

thank you for all the posts. very helpful

i guess for me, i'm thinking about this cause there IS someone i like whose nephew has severe AS and i at least am pretty sure he definetly would want kids (he's NT far as i can tell, lol)... whereas i'm just at that point of forming the word "kids?" in my mind, lol.

i just am kinda suddenly thinking about it all. i used to not think at all i'd ever have kids but i did some teaching in an elementary school for a short bit and i think the lil buggers activated my maternal clock somehow. just a lil

Ack!! thay can do that can't they?, i live with around 7 of the blighters from the age of one year to 13 years...

one of them, a four year old known as 'Matthew' (or Matmoo, as we call him <long story>) came up to me the other day, threw his arms around my leg and professed 'i luv you gary, your my bestest fwiend (yeah thats how he pronounced it in the whole world'

or when i am telling one of them a story (i am a part time story teller it seems), i focus on it and lose sense of things around me, but when i come to the end and i focus back and im surrounded by 'em.

they do grow on you.... bit like foot fungus really (Hmmm... wonder if you can get rid of em the same way...)

Aspie_For_The_Lord, generally you kill a foot fungus, such a practice for children is frowned upon. Sorry, you'll have to live with the .

you are right of course... i was only speaking in jest, the reference was really what they grow in your affections like a fungus grows on your foot (not that ive suffered from it yet).

then why is it ok to spritz your cats with the squirt bottle when they are bad? jk, i don't do this.