Bonding Abuse and Aspergers?

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I never really had a bond with my children, is that normal because im an aspie or is there something seriously wrong with me?
My oldest son lives with his dad and his wife and i have hardly any contact with him except on weekends sometimes if they remember im his mom and bring him to see me. They are trying to say that I abused my son because he is developmentally delayed, he doesn't like to talk to people on the phone or in person unless he really knows you and even then he still only says maybe a few words unless hes in the mood then hell talk your ear off. He also flaps his arms sometimes when he gets frustrated or he hides. Before he went to live with his dad he would always give me kisses and hugs and say i love you mommy, now im like a stranger to him and i feel like he hates me. I have no idea what i did wrong.
My youngest son is the complete opposite he lived with his dad in the beginning and i had him half the time but then his dad got into some trouble so his mom (my sons grandma) has custody of him now. He knows who i am he loves me he always gives me hugs and kisses he talks to me on the phone (even if half the time he babbles) he always runs up to me when i see him on the weekends. I feel like i have an amazing bond with him. I raised him the same way i did his older brother I just don't understand how they both can be so different from each other.

I thought for a while my oldest was an aspie he does a lot of the same mannerisms i do but they had him tested and all he has is ADHD im wondering if they just tested for autism and not anything else i mean its been forever since i found out so i have no idea. I just want an explanation for why he acts the way he does be it the ADHD or what i don't like that they are saying i abused him it really hurts.

To put it bluntly (my specialty), they're probably claiming you abused him as part of an effort to remove you completely from your son's life. It's a very common custody tactic, unfortunately. You also mentioned that your son is no longer affectionate with you, which possibly indicates they're filling his head with negative messages about you. I think the legal term is "alienation of affection".

How old are they?

One thing that worries me is the placement changes they've been through. According to my research, too may placement changes can have a serious effect on a child's ability to bond with people. Unfortunately a lot of kids from divorced families end up going through multiple placement changes. This can also have an impact on how easily the caregivers bond with the child, both because the caregiver is going through separation from the child and because the child may push people away.

However, that does not cause autistic traits, and neither does abuse.