What would you have done?

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This morning I went to my sons class, they were having a "math hour" and parents could come and hang out. My son and I were at his desk together and he stated that he wanted to go sit by R. who he has befriended. His teacher said that was fine and we all headed to where they were sitting. My son and I sat down and I noticed R.'s mom saying something to the teacher and I noticed the look on the teachers face and knew something had happened w/ my son. I asked the teacher what was wrong and she told me that earlier (before I had arrived) T. (my son) had approached the table and something made him angry and he told R.'s mom to "shut up". By that point my son had gone back to his desk and I followed and asked if it was true and he said yes. I was mortified and embarrassed. I told my son that he needed to apologize and by his reaction I knew it wasn't going to happen. I felt trapped like there was nothing I could do in that moment to correct the situation. After everything was over I asked to speak to the mom out in the hall and I told her I was sorry for what my son said and that he had a form of Autism and I wasn't trying to make excuses but sometimes his behavior is rude and disrespectful but there are reasons behind it etc. The mom was totally nice and cool about everything but I wasn't sure if I handled the situation correctly.
what would you have done?

From what you describe I would have pretty much done what you did. To try and force your son to appologize would have just caused a nasty scene. I tend to be very open with other adults about my son's AS, so I would likely have told the other mom too.

I think you did exactly the right thing.

I'm very straightforward about my sons' autism.

It sounds like you did the right thing to me.

Because our kids look and present as 'normal' a lot of the time, it's very easy for other adults to assume that they're rude and/or naughty. Sometimes explaining that there's actually something else going on makes the situation a lot better.

Some parents don't llike their kids playing with the 'abnormal' children, however a lot will see their child playing with our kids - knowing our kids have their own problems - and are proud to have a child that will do what they can and interact with our 'special' kids as much as they can.

I've only recently had to explain that some of my daughter's behaviours aren't necessarily because she's rude/naughty. we've only had the diagnosis for a few weeks, but I'm fairly sure i'd have handled the situation in the exact same way.

Sometimes a reason behind children's behaviours makes adults more understanding when they manifest in rude/naughty ways. And it sounds like the Mum you spoke to was pretty good about it.

i think you did the right thing. far better for her to learn a little about aspergers, than for her to think your child comes from a house with no discipline! ..........better chances at getting your son to have a playdate with this kid also

Helen, great job. Parents can be more difficult to deal with than their kids when it comes to our children. Now it is in her ballpark. Most parents of NT kids will understand your child's special circumstances, and help their kids understand it too. Look forward to the rush you will get when one of your son's classmates comes uo to you and says "He's really doing a lot better now".

{check your pms and let me know if I got through]

sounds to me that you handled it appropriately. I would have done the same.