Picking my son's next school

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DS9 has been at a non-public school for kids with AS for 2.5 years. There are only 10 kids in the whole school, grades K-5. He's made amazing progress there, no more meltdowns at school or at home, and it's time to move to a less restrictive placement. My son actually came to me and asked when he could go back to public school -- his current school has had several new students this year who are in constant meltdown mode and not improving quickly. As DS9 puts it, "I don't have meltdowns any more, why do I have to be here?"

He also has dyslexia, and is half-way through a reading program specifically designed for dyslexia. He can write 1 paragraph, in general ed 4th graders are expected to be able to write 3 paragraphs. He also needs a lot of prompting to stay on task -- the last data the teachers collected said he needed 7 verbal prompts in a 20 minute period. The new school will need to be able to deal with frequent whining, attempts to negotiate, and the occasional verbal outburst. When he gets upset he is able to take himself to a calming area and recover in 5-10 minutes. He jumps on the mini-trampoline for 5 minutes every half hour.

The options we are looking at:
1) General Ed 4th grade class of 30, with about half the day in the Learning Lab for small group language arts and math. My concern about this option is that no one is specially tasked to look out for him. I'm concerned about adjusting to the behavioral expetations and workload of general ed. He would reject having a 1:1 aide.

2) Special Ed class of 10, grades 3-5, 1 teacher, 2 aides. Sensory area adjacent to the classroom. Class is included with the 4th grade General Ed class for Music, Library, PE, Lunch, and Recess. He would also attend the 4th grade class for Science and Social Studies, probably with an aide. This option gives him the most exposure to a "typical" classroom, but with support from shared aides. The downside is that the class is a mix of academic levels -- only 1 kid is at his reading level, some are just learning their letters. He would go to the Learning Lab for math because no one else in the class is at grade level. Upside potential to eventually switch into Option 1 if things are going well.

3) High Functioning Autism class of 10 in another district, grades 3-5. I haven't observed this class yet, but parents I've talked to are very happy with it. The upside is that academically the class is supposed to be on par with general ed. My impression is that it does not have as much inclusion as Option 2. The downside is that he would come back to our district in 6th grade and not know anybody, and likely be placed in a special day class for middle school.

DS9 is very socially aware for an Aspie. Going to a bigger school with an opportunity to make more friends is really important to him. He really wants to be in a general ed class, Option 1. I'm just not sure if he can handle it, or if a general ed teacher with a class of 30 could handle him.

What are your thoughts on our options? How stigmatizing is Option 2? What's more important at this age -- getting the right academic setting or learning how to interact with typical peers and navigate a typical classroom?

Here are my thoughts, but I live in NYC (which may handle things differently from where you live):

If you choose option 1, I wouldn't do it without a para. I know your kid will reject that idea but, here, they do a really good job of not making it obvious that the para is assigned to a particular kid. The teacher calls them "co-teachers" and the other kids and parents think that they are just teaching assistants who happen to help one kid more than others. My older son is in 4th grade now with a part time para. He is not on the spectrum, but is definitely BAP. He has major executive functioning issues, also has trouble staying on task (also needs several prompts) and has a writing and processing disability (but tests well on cognitive test and is above in some subjects). He is in a class of 31 and, honestly, is not handling it too well. The class size is overwhelming. He did better when he had a full time para. Right now he is sharing a para with another child who has emotional/ behavioral needs and the other kid's needs overshadow my kid's.

It does not, to me, seem like option 2 would be the right fit for your child. I don't know about the Self-Contained classes of 10 in your area, but the ones in my area tend to have kids who are below average cognitively and/ or have more severe emotional needs.

Option 3 seems good. Those kind of programs in my area tend to not accept kids who have meltdowns often. They are on grade level. So, he wouldn't be surrounded by kids with more severe emotional needs, and would not be held back. It is still a small class, but he may do well socially here because the kids are more on level to where he is at. My question, though, is: can they accommodate the dyslexia?

Are there any other non-public options in your area? I know that here there are private school options that cover a spectrum of issues from ASD to Dyslexia and are really good at tailoring the curriculum for each child. They are hard to get into, though.

I would try general ed, your son seems motivated to go there.
Second option is HFA, as long as it definitely is same academic level, also try to observe that class and see if your son matches the general functioning level and pace of the class during academics.
Just Say No to special ed, you can consider that the end of education.

If he goes to General Ed now, with a para, I believe he will improve, because he is inspired to improve. He wants to make friends. He knows, in General Ed, that he has to remain "on task" in order to make friends with the academically-accomplished kids.

There's also the notion that the longer a kid stays in Special Ed, the more difficulty it is for the kid to advance up to General Ed.

It will also assist him in being "on track" educationally should he be placed in General Ed.

If he is having difficulty academically, I believe most districts probably have after-school tutors--or you could hire one if you could afford it.

Be careful with mainstreaming in a regular classrooms. My Asperger 10 year old just had a really bad 5th grade. The kids didn't know he had aspergers and my son didn't want to tell them so they thought he was weird and ostracized him. They would have nothing to do with him. He faced daily rejection and it took toll on his self esteem. The teacher did nothing to try and include him more. I should have pulled him out.

My experience with my son has been that he is more likely to put in effort when something has been his choice. The preamble to that, however, is that in order to succeed with the choice he was to have fully understood all the pros, cons and ramifications. Getting that level of understanding was still difficult for him in 4th grade, and one thing your son is probably not aware of is how much the organizational expectations for him will increase. It is a significant and challenging leap for many boys.

It is also important for him to fully explain to you the reasons he wants the option he wants. Among other things, that discussion may show you all the ways he still isn't understanding himself or what the options involve. But it will also give you clues to how motivated he might be to succeed should he get his choice.

The worst situation is when they sabotage a choice in order to prove to you that you were wrong, and they were right, often without understanding that they just precluded changing to their first choice. Be careful of that.

I don't envy you the difficult decision, and if you are like me you will keep second guessing this for a while, but hopefully it will become more clear and you will feel good about the result.

I just got good news about Option 3. I finally remembered that I knew the mom of a boy who had been in DS's current school and transferred to the Option 3 class. She's very switched on and I trust her opinion. Her son was in that program for 2 years, and she said they do a very good job with inclusion. He went from 50/50 to full mainstream in his time there, and is now going back to a general ed class in his home district. He's pretty similar to my son, except for not having dyslexia, so I'm feeling better about this class. I've accepted that it's unlikely that any of the options will have the dyslexia reading program my son needs, but luckily I do have good options for continuing that outside of school.