Using strange voices/words

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My 13 year old Aspie/ADHD son can speak completely normally when he is at school or around his friends. However, when he is with me by himself, his language skills fall apart. There are days (typically when he is feeling strong emotions, even positive ones like excitement about seeing a friend) that we cannot communicate because he is either using "gibberish" (his special made-up language), uttering high-pitched noises, continually asking me odd questions like "If a tiny cat suddenly spawned on your arm, what would you do?" or more violent questions such as "What if I ripped off your arms and hurled your body into the sky?" I was most disturbed when he recently used a voice/facial expression akin to the devils' from the Exoricist when he was really upset with me. I wonder if any other parent has a child who swings from normal communication to completely dysfunctional/kind of scary? It's like an on/off switch and we can't figure out where the off button is when he is at home.

this is soooo meeee haha.
i think that it may have to do with a feeling of ease or comfort at home. at school he may feel like he can't express these things due to maybe social anxiety or general anxiety. but once he gets the chance in the privacy of home he lets it loose because he may not feel as anxious about embarrassment or authority figures' disapproval. at least that's how it is for me. i can be very expressive in loud, kinda insane ways once i feel comfortable enough, and this is especially true after a long day of hellish school where i can't skip around and sing and express myself in nonconforming ways. i feel like i have to keep this idea that hannah is just that quiet person that draws strange grotesque things all over their notes.
maybe you could ask him about it. have you talked to him about it and how it scares you?

Thanks so much for replying, and it's even more helpful that you have a similar way of expressing yourself so that you can understand. I have asked my son countless times why he does this primarily at home/around me and the answer is what you guessed-- "I feel safe." I have relayed the fact that I don't like the violence and that some of the statements upset me, but either he does not get that or he does not care. I have also told him that it hurts my feelings that I cannot converse with him whereas he happily converses with his friends in a surprisingly normal way (for having AS.) If you wouldn't mind, may I ask what would seem to be more appropriate for me to do: give consequences for anything with violent content (even though he says he would never act on what he says), give a warning and then a consequence, ignore or don't reply to anything that does not make sense, or raise my voice and get angry? His father uses the latter tactic and it works, but that is not my nature and I know that it also makes my son anxious.

I still do this.
I am perfectly able to communicate "normally", but doing so requires my "social mode" to be active.
When i'm fatigued, social mode is one of the first energy users to go away, and my ability to talk goes with it.
Funny enough, my typing is largely unaffected

I do not think punishment is the correct reaction. That I would think, would result in you no longer being privy to his thoughts. I understand that a lot of his thoughts are disturbing to you, but I think that is more of a reason to not have him close you off as a safe person to talk to. Especially as a teen, you really want him to tell you what is going on in his head.

People with ASD often have a hard time with the filter between brain and mouth---another case against punishment. You can tell him the truth---that what he is saying worries you---and it is the truth.

What really concerns you though is the nature of his thoughts. I think we all have dark thoughts sometimes---especially teens, i think. We just know to keep them to ourselves. I do not know how you can tell the difference between thoughts that require intervention and thoughts you can ignore. Maybe someone else has knowledge on that.

Outside of the home my 7yo behaves appropriately. At home, however, he will make random noises, screams and generally 'tics' when he is anxious especially. We used to jokingly say he had Tourette's because that is what he can be like but obviously he doesn't have it because he doesn't do it all the time. I have asked him why he does it and he says it feels good.

Although it can be annoying, I have learned that getting angry with him doesn't work, if anything, he gets worse. I simply tell him that he has to 'rein it in' and calm down when I'm trying to get him to do something, such as get dressed or brush his teeth.

When he is very agitated he will go on about crucifixion. He attends a church school (although we are not religious it was the closest and therefore the most practical place to go) so he often starts spouting religious nonsense about Jesus and wanting to crucify people or blaming his siblings for various religious misdoings when he feels they are in the wrong. I don't pay any attention.

Both my boys will say very aggressive, violent things when they are angry in particular, wanting to do harm or have people die etc. I know they do not mean this, it is simpy the way they articulate their inner trauma. They wouldn't really hurt each other or anyone else.

I don't know much about Tourette's, but I don't think they have to do it all the time. I think it is at least two tics and I forget the frequency.

He is probably trying hard all day to -not- do this. If your son is socially-inclined at all, he will care about peer reaction, and consequences. He will also fear consequences from the teachers. So instead of this behavior being distributed in a more natural fashion according to how stressed he is at a given time, He is deferring it until he is home and probably cannot take it anymore. All this stress accumulates through-out the day. It is not going to just disappear-poof-when he gets home. He feels a compulsion to do these things because they have built up.

I don't know what relaxes him, but maybe if he does not need the company when he is stressed (mine does need it) he can have alone time and that can spare you some of it. If company is what he needs then I can't think of what will work, other than maybe trying to let it bother you less.

I would also try to see what is going on at that school, and see if you can reduce his stress-level. If he has less stress there, his capacity won't be filled up, perhaps, and he will have less to unload at home. Honestly, the stress is what I would worry about the most because, just because he doesn't show it at school, it does not mean things do not bother him.

I know you think the main issue is that is is exhausting/scary/unpleasant for you, but there is no telling what the root cause is, and how that is affecting your son, also.

Also, if you feel like the violent thoughts do not indicate any other issues, it is possible that they are brought on by stress at school as well. If you think the violent imagery is brought out by the school's type of religious instruction, maybe a different type of school would be better.

@ASDMommyASDKid - I know that both my boys have to keep their emotions suppressed in school so that they appear quiet and well behaved for the most part but once home, the volcano erupts and the meltdowns occur.

When I have asked my 7yo about how he controls his noises etc when in school, he says that sometimes he does them when no one is around, in the toilet or where the teacher doesn't watch such as on the playground. He worries a lot about people not liking him or being embarrassed so I know he tries very hard to appear 'normal' when he is at school in front of his peers.

I had the impression that with Tourette's the tics had to be a constant presence, that is why I dismissed this, as there are days he does not do them. Anxiety and stress bring them out especially school related.

Yeah---that makes sense. It sounds like they doing their best to contain it, and as you say, when they are home it erupts. They need the release and so they do it when it is safe to do so.


Here is the description of Tourette's: Not saying it applies, at all---but just to give you the definition.

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/tourette/diagnosis.html

Tourette Syndrome (TS)

For a person to be diagnosed with TS, he or she must:

have two or more motor tics (for example, blinking or shrugging the shoulders) and at least one vocal tic (for example, humming, clearing the throat, or yelling out a word or phrase), although they might not always happen at the same time.
have had tics for at least a year. The tics can occur many times a day (usually in bouts) nearly every day, or off and on.
have tics that begin before he or she is 18 years of age.
have symptoms that are not due to taking medicine or other drugs or due to having another medical condition (for example, seizures, Huntington disease, or postviral encephalitis).

I am so grateful for these replies----just knowing my son has something others are living with will help me be more relaxed about it and not wonder if it's something he's doing just to aggravate me. I may even try adding a tiny touch of humor to lighten it up a little. One additional question: my son tells me that his iphone is his "one safe place" and it takes away his anxiety. He is angry at me for limiting his time with his phone, which I do with all electronics. Knowing that much of his dysfunctional behavior is driven by anxiety, should I allow him access to his phone whenever he wants (which is a lot) or continue to place restrictions so he can figure out other coping skills? His phone almost seems to take the place of medication..... Thanks again!! !!

My 5 year old son with ADHD and HF ASD does this!

Strange questions that you can not answer "where does the door live last morning" and the same questions with a violent way...asking how I would feel if he ripped my eyes out. Also I noticed that he never threatens to hurt me but always asks how I would feel if this or that happened. I wonder if it has to do with seeing things from another persons view...