Wondering About the Baby

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My least daughter just turned 3. I'm not really worried (other than my usual prayers that she can fly under the radar by the time she gets to kindergarten), but I'm starting to think she has it.

--Can speak, but generally will not. Prefers to repeat what I say than use spontaneous speech.

--Highly anxious. Constant thumb-sucker, always has a nervous look in her eyes.

--Makes eye contact, but it seems fleeting to me (might be hypervigilant on that one).

--Does not seek out company, perfectly happy to play alone. For hours.

--Avoids playing with age-mates. Prefers to hang with grown-ups.

--Wants to touch things (primarily any fold of another person's body-- arm pits, elbow pits, belly buttons, fat rolls, under the chin) constantly, to the point of extreme annoyance. It's not just my tactile defensiveness issues-- she's driving the whole family batty.

If she has it, I figure that it was the Prozac I took while pregnant that tipped it over. Is it wrong that I don't feel guilty, or that I'd do it again?? In that time and in that place, flattening of affect from the medication was all that was keeping the train on the rails. Without it, I could very realistically have lost it, and neither of us would be here today. Better autistic (and we'd be talking extremely mild, not that it matters a damn bit) than dead.

Is it wrong that my main concern is that, if it's there, I catch it and my family and I teach her to cope?? Is it wrong that my main concern is preventing "them" from getting their hands on her??

I've watched dozens of therapy sessions now (one of my acquaintances has a kid with severe ADHD and OCD issues; the child spends so much time in therapy that I'm glad for her sake that most of it is play). There is nothing that therapist does that I can't do myself (for that matter, nothing that therapist does that I haven't done myself in the name of killing time on a rainy afternoon, other than smiling constantly which frankly I find dystopian and creepy).

I can pretty much rule out ADHD. DS8 has ADHD, I suspect DD6 might as well, and I swear there is something about me that attracts ADHD people like iron filings to a magnet. I can pick out ADHD kids with one eye shut and a cell phone to my ear.

Her behavior is NOTHING like theirs.

Do not beat yourself up about the Prozac. You do what you have to do. You know? I don't think those studies are definitive anyway. Most studies on ASD aren't.

I know what you mean about wanting your kids to fly under the radar to avoid the system. I would have, if I could have, but the issues we had made it impossible. You just want your kid to be free to be herself. I understand.

I know that looks contradictory as I have advised parents to get things checked out, and frankly I am of two minds on it. On the one hand it seems sensible to know what you are dealing with and have some proactive plan for helping your child adjust to the inevitable poop that is predestined to hit the proverbial fan. On the other, you just want to enjoy your kids and hold on to the thought that maybe you can make it without all that.

As usual, I am no help at all.

Hi Buyer Beware,

First, don't beat yourself up on needing the Prozac. It sounds like you did what you had to do at the time. As an anxiety sufferer I know there are times when I could not have functioned without medication. It would have been no good for your husband, other children and the baby you were carrying for you to go "off the rails" as you say. Please be kind to yourself regarding this.

Second, it sounds like at this point, any ASD issue your daughter might have is not really causing problems. You suspect, and are watching how things develop, so I'd leave it at that. My daughter was dxd at 4 1/2, but only because the issues she was having in preschool kind of forced us to find answers. She was our first and only and we had no idea anything was going on until preschool teachers started to pull me aside every day! And, getting the diagnosis never put her in any kind of "system". I suppose this varies by state, by the child's particular presentation, etc. The doctor who diagnosed her gave us some (very helpful) suggestions of different therapies to try, but we had to seek out, and pay for these things on our own. So in our case the diagnosis was helpful in the sense that it educated my husband and I, and allowed us to help our daughter. But it sounds like you are already aware of ASD and the types of things that might be suggested, so you are way ahead of where we were!

For my daughter, who is one of the "fly under the radar" types, today no one (except family) even knows of her diagnosis. She is 14 now, and knows all about ASD, and agrees she's on the spectrum. It's been her choice up to this point to not tell her friends. Maybe she will change her mind about it in the future, but again, that's her choice. I totally realize every child is different and this may have not been the experience of other families.

Anyway, hope some of this helped a little! Sending all the best to you and your family!

It certainly is better to be alive and autistic than not alive. However, I wasn't able to find any hard evidence linking prenatal Prozac exposure to autism (just speculation that this could be happening), so it might have nothing to do with your Prozac use.

Here's my experience: my son was not "caught" until the end of 1st grade, in large part because I did a lot of compensating and teaching on his behalf (I didn't know teaching a kid to do things like wave, introduce themselves, climb stairs, crawl, clap, etc. was unusual - apparently NT kids do all this stuff on their own.)

DS didn't get services until 4th grade, and at that point his anxiety was so severe that we feared for his life. He was absolutely miserable.

I later found out that a good friend's child who always struck me as similar to DS had gone through early intervention. That kid left his diagnosis in preschool and has done fine. He's also NOT anxious, and seems to be doing fine with being his quirky self.

There are definitely bad services out there - we've had personal experience. That said, just because some services are bad doesn't mean all services are bad - especially the ones that relate to developing communication skills. If DS had been better able to explain what he needed, we'd have been much better able to meet them.

Of course, I know nothing about what things are like where you are - but if there are skill-building programs that can help your daughter communicate more successfully (rather than programs whose goal is compliance or conformity) I think they will probably help both you and her.