Delayed in finding out your diagnosis due NT denial

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When I was little and even now I always came off as awkward. I said things no matter how inappropriate others would think it. I just was and I couldn't understand why everything was 'family business'

Needless to say I was hit a lot because I was expected to act a certain way. My eating habits would annoy my father once to teach me a lesson be shoved a hot dog up my nose when I was six. When I was older I ate to bunch bacon for not understanding this he shoved a bowl of bacon in my face.

I was asked to do things such as help out a local business by going door to door when I said no I was informed I had no choice and threatened by my father if I did not do as he wished.

I was diagnosis with add years back but it didn't make a difference all counseling stopped after my father would threat me after my school therapist recommended I tell him how he scares me. When I did he removed all my clothes and threw me out in our city backyard.

Due to me finding out I am autistic at the age of 30 I've missed out on many treatments and social benefits. It's made my life even harder as I am a broken man already due to my parents and the many misunderstandings I have with others. Trying to get into any program that helps me is impossible due to the fact I make minimum wage which means I pass a means test though I only net 800 a month everyone looks at my gross income.

If I was only diagnosised earlier I could of easily got ssi, vocational rehab for employment.

Am I alone?

I'm really sorry your childhood sucked. sounds like it was incredibly abusive. Yes, it might have been good to have had support and therapies, but that doesn't sound like supporting you was a top priority for your dad in terms of any of your needs.

Are you sure he's neurotypical?

Honestly, I don't think a diagnosis would have helped you get along with your parents. Abusive parents aren't going to stop abusing just because their kid has been diagnosed with a disability.

I think the OP means if he had caring parents who got him help,me might be happier and in a better place today.

Denial can come with or without abuse, and without being NT. As a parent, you don't want to think there is anything "wrong" with your child, and autism is depicted almost everywhere (in the mainstream) as being a terrible tragedy.

In addition, if you are on the spectrum or BAP and undiagnosed your autistic kid does not look all that unusual to you, depending on the severity, and age of the child. Things my kid did that were red flags, I guess for NTs, looked perfectly reasonable to me.

Also, culturally, oftentimes, there is a tendency to blame the parent: There is a widespread belief among many that there is no such thing as autism and that it is just bad parenting. Similarly, some believe autism exists, but it is caused by the parent. So parents with certain beliefs, and/or who know a lot of people who think like this are going to have a lot of pressure, either internally, or socially/from family to pretend there is nothing unusual going on.

HisShadowX, you are so NOT alone!

I was raised by incredibly strict parents. Any time my various AS traits would surface, they took my behaviors as me being intentionally disobedient and disrespectful. Let's put it this way: No one knew I needed glasses until I was 17. Until then, anytime I'd be sent to the pantry to find something and came back empty handed I was spanked* for intentionally not finding it. Oh, and even today I'll reach for something on a shelf...and grab the one next to it. Some neural atypical trait, I forget what it's called. I flunked Spanish three times in college before anyone tested me - turns out I have an audio processing delay disorder that is very much akin to dyslexia but for auditory. As a child I was spanked for "not listening". And those examples don't even touch the always wrong responses I gave or the shame of social ineptitude I was told I brought upon my folks as I was growing up due to being (I now know) on the spectrum.

And did I mention my folks were conservative Christians and that I was a transgender child? Yeah, that didn't fly well either.

All of that denial of neural typicality taught me to suppress, repress and try to hide my weaknesses as best I could. Not by working around them - I couldn't. But by simply...not being. I woke up at 39 years old and realized I had almost no memories of my life. I'd avoided it by hiding somewhere deep inside.

At first I wondered why this was on the parenting forum. Now I realize why, as my oldest child shows all the same NT aspects that I have. And she is growing up aware of it and already well practiced in various work-arounds and life-decision choices that take those traits into consideration.


*spanked = five minutes of bottom-whipping over a knee with a leather belt, wooden hairbrush, etc.. You see, it doesn't leave any visible signs other than a slight limp the next day.