Non autistic younger sibling.

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I have 2 children they are 2 years and 7 day apart. My oldest child is 3 1/2 and is autistic. My 18 month old is not. While we struggle along with keeping my older child on the right track and figuring out is particular quirks, my 18 month old is learning them. He has started doing similar things though we know its because he's mimicking his brother. For example my 3 year old will not eat any sort of sauce such as spaghetti sauce or ketchup. My 18 month old has noticed his brother gets his noodles with no sauce and his nuggets with no ketchup so he wants the same thing.

The problem has started that my older child is a climber he always has been and we eventually allowed him to climb on a couple things like my entertainment center (the tv is hanging) and he sits up there for hours and just plays with his trains. Several therapist said he wants to be by himself so we let him get up there now. However the 18 month old started trying to do it too and now has mastered it and can climb not only this but can get over ANY baby gate we have. We replaced them with plywood and hinges and he can literally scale it. My kitchen which is connected to my living rom is not baby proof, im working on it but this is a VERY old house. So for now i spend my entire day getting the baby down from the counters and then going and stopping the older child from taking off his clothes or a multitude of other activities he does. He does other things too like dumps his food when he sees his brother do it or tries to get naked because big brother just did.

Or my least favorite my older child spits when he's upset and now the baby does it too. I am trying to figure out how to keep them from doing these things but its very hard because the older child does not understand discipline yet. And no we havent gotten him into ABA or occupational therapy yet we're on dozens of waiting lists. Help me please I'm loosing my mind!!

My son did all these things (minus the spitting, but plus some other things) when he was that age. His sensory issues are related to the sense of touch, and he's a sensory seeker. In other words, his own personal ASD makes him want to touch everything.
Unfortunately, other than locking things up and watching them both vigilantly, I don't think there's a lot you can do about it right now. Your kids are both really little. My son did grow out of destroying the house and climbing everything around age 5 or 6; hopefully yours will, too.

A friend of mine had the same issue as you. As YippySkippy said, there was not much she could do at the time except to watch closely and keep everybody safe. Eventually, her older ASD child settled down a little, and the younger one stopped imitating everything as she began to make her own friends and become more interested in engaging more with other kids.

Sorry I don't have better advice. I have two kids 22 months apart. My younger one has ASD. Although my older child was not climbing everything, spitting, or taking his clothes off etc., it was still really challenging and exhausting to watch them both when they were that young. They were both constantly getting into potentially dangerous situations, no matter how hard I tried to proof the living space. I remember my older one was eating EVERYTHING all day long. Crayons, markers, anything he could put in his mouth. It got a lot easier as they got older, as I hope it does for you.

There really isn't anything you can do short of locking one of them up. Also, what you think is copying may not be exactly what you think. We thought we had the same thing going on with the little sister mimicking the big sister. Not exactly. She had issues of her own as it turned out. It's not a given that your 18 month old isn't on the spectrum too.

I'm sorry I can't give you much advice but you have my sympathy. I would agree with other commenters that your children are still very little and your 18 month old in particular is just as the age of some mobility but zero common sense. There's not much you can do but make your life easier with childproofing as far as possible and try to be vigilant. The best parenting book for the age group I know is Toddler Taming by a very funny Australian paediatrican. Hang on in there! Another two years will bring a lot of changes.

I am in a very similar situation but my children are 1 year older than yours. The younger child started learning some poor habits at 18 months or so from his autistic brother but for as many issues as that creates I think the positives of having a siblings close in age outweigh these issues.

At about 2-years-old, the younger brother was the perfect disruptor of repetitive behaviors like lining up blocks or cars. It took some time but my autistic son learned to cope and control himself (not meltdown) when his brother purposely messed up his perfectly aligned cars. The younger one also quickly learned to respect his brother or suffer his rath/meltdown.

Now at 4.5 and 2.5 years they learn so much from each other especially related to communication and play. I was almost in tears last night listening to them talk to each other and play in the bathtub. It was basic conversation but I see them helping each other tremendous. My autistic son is doing things we thought he might never be able to do when he was 2 years old. Having a younger sibling has been a big help.

Hopefully over the next year or 2 you will see similar progression.