Teen girl with mostly guy friends; can it work?

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I'm sixteen. I went to an alternative program at thirteen-fifteen, and the majority of the time, the friends I hung out with from my district were mostly my twin brother's friends, boys. They were ridiculously popular, but legit cool and when I came back from my district, I joined him and his friends, more boys, at lunch.

I became friends with them, hanging out after school, once at a movie, but not as much as they hung out with each other.

I have other friends now, but I still eat primarily with these boys. They are oddish about me: once, one, (one of my original friends who I've known for eleven years), quoted a newer friend. "[If this happens], we'll be drowning in p****." Said boy looked over at me, while the first boy said, "[She] doesn't care." (I didn't.)

However, when one attractive boy thought no girls liked him, I was able to tell him that I knew of one pretty one who did. However, when I asked him why no one liked me, he got awkward, implied that I had bad fashion sense, and said he didn't like criticizing girls.

They once went over somewhere else to have a "man discussion", and told me to go away.

However, in general, they allow me to hang out with them, and we have many interesting and meaningful discussions. I can talk about philosophy, religion, and the like with them.

One boy has told me that, "[I am] always welcome to join us."

They also openly discuss porn and sex with me, and I share with them such things as well.

I have a deep affection for at least three of them, who I met with today. They are such unique and genuine people, I get intellectual, social, and emotional satisfaction from talking with them, and it lasted all day.

I would like to feel more like a part of the group and not just "the girl". I do not want to be "one of the boys", necessarily, but I want to be a genuine member of their group. I have been hanging out with them for about four months now.

To clarify, I have female friends, but they are not as philosophical as these boys. I am also not with male friends for attention, but I am interested in these particular individuals.

Last edited by CryingTears15 on 11 Sep 2015, 7:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I MEANT TO PUT THIS IN THE SOCIAL SKILLS SECTION!

That's a tough one. There's things going on in the male brain at that age that they don't want you to see, so they're going to feel they can't "be themselves" around you. They may joke about some sexual things, but don't think they're willing to share everything with the opposite sex even if it "seems" like they do. At that age, well at any age really, the group dynamics change when the genders mix. You can be "one of the guys" but you'll never be one of the guys-- hope that makes sense.

My recommendation: if you enjoy their company then enjoy their company. If they have to have their own time without you, realize it's not that they don't care about you it's that they need their own space once in a while. This isn't necessarily a bad thing for you either-- that's the time to spend in a female group, you may not have much in common, but it's an opportunity to learn social skills that will help you in the future.

I'll be honest, I don't think I've ever seen it work out long term when a girl hangs out with a group of guys. At some point, someone in the group develops feelings for the girl (or vice versa). Then it makes things odd and if it doesn't work out, then what happens? If multiple guys develop feelings then it can get really bad. That's just my limited experience though. I've seen close friendships work between guys and girls, so maybe it could work out. But the more guys you throw in then the more likely it seems bound to not work out.

I do recall one situation where it did kind of work. There was a tight group of 5-6 guys and 1 girl. I think it worked because that girl was pretty much asexual. When another girl got thrust into that group it kind of imploded though.

There are only about four guys in our primary group, not counting my brother. I am attracted to one guy, but in the course of a few months, he's indicated he's not interested, which is okay to me: I'm fine being single, and I value his friendship more. I'm gonna put a computer up in the friendzone and make myself comfortable.

(Besides, I think we've become good enough friends that dating would be awkward).

If you look at some popular TV shows, you'll see guys and girls being good friends, maybe developing romantic feelings for each other, then being friends again if it doesn't "work out."

I had a male brain at that age, too, and that’s not what I felt at all. Far from it, the more someone claims or implies someone else needs to be excluded, the less I feel free to “be myself”—and the more I feel I don’t belong there at all.



My problem seems to be more that women don’t want me to share anything with them or vice-versa. I was blissfully unaware of it as a teenager, though, and didn’t see any need for exclusion. I was also used to not having any privacy.



“My own space” would be a space where I’m either alone or with someone I choose, not with whom someone else, or society at large, decides I should feel free to “be myself” around. I don’t see any reason why those people can’t be women; in fact, I think it’d be easier for me to “be myself” around them if only they didn’t feel harassed by me or something like that. I’ve learned, however, that this is widely considered unmanly, and it’s probably helped me avoid trying to make female friends.

If you are getting more intellectually from hanging out with these guys, why not continue to do so? I would say that you are fortunate to have found people with common interests.

It sounds like you have some great friendships. There is no reason why they shouldn't continue.

They will sometimes want to talk about sex and their feelings about girls without you being present, but it sounds like you have collectively already dealt with that ("We need to have a man discussion") so that's good.

The other thing that might come up is complicated feelings about the friendship from their future girlfriends and your future boyfriends. Various insecurities over perceived sexual threat can come up in that situation.

But this is the kind of friendship that can be lifelong and support you as you face different challenges in the years ahead. It sounds like a really good thing.

Congratulations on having people you can have meaningful discussions with.

Yes, it works out. I can honestly say that most of my life my good friends have been boys/men. I have had a few girlfriends, but maybe truly a couple that I stay in touch with for a long period of time. My lifelong friends are male.

I have always had male friends and it works, but if you start dating any of them, that can cause problems and sometimes the group can stay together after, and sometimes not.

How do you move this thread?