Stims, sleeping etc

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Hey everyone, I need advise on two things.

1. Do you have any advise / input on how to handle stims that arise only when a kid is bored.? Its hard to occupy another person 100% of the time, and while I am not anti-stim, I do wish he would occupy himself a tad more productively when others are unavailable to spend 1:1 time with him.

2. We have always co-slept but it is getting harder these days. He is a tall, thin lad who kicks and rolls in sleep. His jabs are quite painful. Secondly, he seems to think that I am some sort of a pillow and ends up on top of me, squashing me down, and waking up and melting down if I push him off. He does not want to sleep alone, but I am done. I need my sleep. How can we get him to sleep in his own bed ? Even designer beds featuring his favourite characters aren't doing it for him. Help ! !

Thanks !

We had a heck of time dealing with the bedtime issue. Our son will occasionally return, but he generally sleeps in his own bed.

What worked for us was a real P.I.T.A but it was worth it in the long run. At first I had to lay down on a soft cushion that I brought in, and then I would sleep there.

Next iteration was I would soothe him until almost sleeping, and ask if it was Ok to leave, and would leave when he said OK or he fell asleep. (I told him advance I would be sleeping in my own room, so he was not surprised. You could probably make a PECS for it showing a mommy soothing a child in bed, followed with a PECS with the little one sleeping, a third with Mommy leaving, and a fourth with Mommy sleeping in her bed. (I am sure there is a better way, but something like that)

As far as the stimming goes, if that is how he likes to occupy his time when he is bored, and you want to/have to do other things, I would let him stim.

I think we have to give permission to ourselves to do the things we need to do without making every moment of our child's day productive. I remember you saying in an other thread you were getting a lot of pressure from people that no matter what you did it was not enough, so I am wondering if this is affecting you in this way also.

It is a disservice to you and your child to work yourselves to death. Just my opinion, so I hope you are not offended by me not directly answering the question, but I thought that might be underlying your question.

If your concern is something else, then you would need to find something he likes better than stimming, or that serves the same purpose but that is more educational. Maybe fidgeting with a toy or something tactile? You can't make him play the "right" way if he is occupying himself, but even touching various textures can be educational in a certain way b/c he is connecting sensory data to his brain. There are plenty of toys of this sort and they are considered educational.

(Like the tactile blocks with different textures and things to pull, and mirrors and such on it)

I don't remember how old your little one is, HisMom, but we did a similar thing as ASDMommy (much earlier - mine sleeps like a helicopter blade.)

That said, things that I think might have worked that we didn't try: a weighted blanket...and letting the dog sleep with him, which was really more about DS. He wanted to sleep with the dog, but he didn't want to worry about his stuffed animals, so the dog went. He does have his bed against the wall and a "fort" of pillows and stuffed animals; I think that helps.

I, myself, need to fall asleep in front of the TV because I can't turn off my brain without a distraction. Music, white noise, a fidget, distractions of other kinds may help.

What is it you want your son to do instead of stimming?

I keep losing my messages to captchas and such, so I will have to retype the entire message but in the meantime thank you both for responding to me. Great ideas there.

Also, here is an unrelated question. Who does the binder from ABA belong to ? The child or the agency ? Do we have to return the binder (to agency) when ABA services end (at parent request) ?

Last question - are there any sites that would help me research services offered in different states (such as the autism mandate) and lay out the good, the bad and the ugly in each state wrt to autism and related services ?

I would also like recommendations of sites that allow us to more close comparisons of districts (sort if the sdc version of the great schools website) ? A big move is in the offing and forewarned is being forearmed ?

TIA.

Hm. Autism Speaks has a list of state resources, but doesn't really go in to the laws in each state, nor how well-funded or not SPED is in each state...there's this list: http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2013/05/ ... ity/17855/

Good luck!

We had a hard time getting my kid out of our bed too. We also tried the cool bed angle, but it didn't work for us either. I ended up bribing him with a toy he really wanted, I told him he could have it when he slept in his own bed.
We also told him we would lie down with him until he feel asleep still. We still do this. It took a lot of talking through beforehand, and he would wake up a lot and start screaming, at first. So, every time he did this, we would (one of us) go to his bed and lie down with him until he fell asleep again. So, we got even less sleep for awhile. Then, we told him he needed to come to us quietly if he woke up. We live in an apartment, and our downstairs neighbors were upset. This worked because he did not like our neighbors coming up to talk to us. Eventually, he stopped coming as he was too tired to get out of bed. Now, he only comes if he is sick.

We also, (when we told him he needed to come get us instead of screaming), got him a night light and kept the lights on in the hall. This all took a long time.

I agree that some sort of social story might help. I wish I knew to do this sooner. My kid responds really well to social stories.

I have no good ideas about the stimming .

However (about the move): whatever state you are looking at, you can google and see if there is disability rights hotline you can call and get information about the amount/ types of services offered, who to contact about the transition, etc. There should be some sort of center/ hotline you can call. There are often hotlines specific to students with disabilities, and they can connect you with the right place (at least) to gather information.

Hey all, so I got the photographs ready to print, three of them taken just this past hour. There are - as ASDMom suggested - 4 photos, the first showing us lying down together, then one of him sleeping by himself, then one of me by the door but him in bed sleeping, and then another one of me just lying down by myself.

I have a feeling, though, that making the photographs is the easy part. He probably is going to get really angry when he realizes that it's basically a schedule showing what happens AFTER he's gone to sleep - which is that I sneak out and leave him there by himself. Thing with him is that he is not a deep sleeper and he wakes up several times a night, as it is. Now, we'll have to deal with the meltdowns that are bound to follow each time he awakens and realizes that he is all alone. And since I sleep like a log, I am actually thinking that I may need to install some sort of a monitor that alerts me when he's up and screaming bloody murder (as I don't think he will come looking for me - he may just decide to scream and throw himself around). It may not be a bad idea to let him scream himself back to sleep at all (depending on your parenting belief systems) but it won't work for us because our home has really thin walls and I don't want the neighbours calling the cops in the middle of the night.

On the topic of stims - I am not looking at him to be productive 100% of the day, per se. But I would like him to start learning to engage with his toys or learning materials appropriately at least some of the time. The reason is that he has some behaviours that are safety issues, in addition to really loud vocal stims that arise when he is bored, as he has no independent play skills whatsoever. He tends to destroy stuff or engage in dangerous behaviour when he is left to his own devises, as his idea of "playing with toys" is to toss them (or himself) against the wall, watching them break apart from the impact, tearing paper up, going into the kitchen and getting any object he can to visual stim on (all kitchen scissors and knives and forks are locked up, but he still manages to get them !) and climbing on top of tables or chairs and jumping off of them. A while ago, while we were at MIL's house, we were all talking and no one realized that he had gone upstairs to the top floor. I realized he was missing only because it is rare for the milieu to be quiet enough for us to actually have a conversation, and found him on the terrace attempting to climb the parapet wall -- I was terrified and still shudder to think of what could have happened if my mother's gut instinct hadn't told me to go look for him immediately. So, we are not just concerned about "productivity", but "safety". Plus, we would like a bit of peace now and then, and a nice break from crashing toys or loud screaming once in a while.

Any ideas / suggestions on how to make this happen or even if this is doable ?

Ah, thanks ! ! Nice idea. Google has always been my best friend... and this.is.why

You can present it like this is the progression that will happen WHILE he is falling asleep, not after. Meaning, your goal is for him to learn to sleep with you farther and farther away, not that you will sneak out. Does that make sense? Maybe have the pictures show him half-asleep so it appears that he is aware of what's happening.



Sounds like you need to find alternate, acceptable stims for him rather than having him stop stimming entirely. For instance, popping bubble wrap (the tiny kind that aren't so loud) might be an acceptable alternative to paper as long as he's safe with the plastic bag. Or a very soft ball he can throw against the wall (there are "hand therapy" balls that are really squooshy as well as those "splat" balls that stick.) Maybe one of those velcro targets with velcro darts? (Velcro might be another acceptable stimmy sort of thing.) Foam blocks to stack and break apart (although I'm getting the sense that there's some sound need here and that might not help) Bean bag chairs to crash into (crashing is a common symptom of a proprioperceptive deficit.)

Is he getting OT for these issues? IIRC, even though we didn't get much in the way for OT for DS, they did have a lot of really good suggestions for managing this kind of behavior - all of it seems like orientation kinds of stuff - where I am in space, what I can feel and hear around me, how I relate to objects. Just a guess, but I'd think a trained professional might be really helpful.

FWIW, these sound like unmet needs and might be redirectable. I'd also try investing in sensory-specific toys if you can.

Thank you, momsparky. He did get OT, but she wasn't into sensory integration - which is what he needs, I think. You are right in that there seems to be a need for him to hear the "crashing sound". For example, the sound of paper being ripped, or the sound of the toys crashing into the wall, then breaking apart. I think ITT's sister is an OT who specializes in sensory processing, so I will probably pm her and ask for help / suggestions.

Never heard of velcro darts, what are those ? I am desperate !

I know it is not what you want long term, but our child used to love to rip things too and I will admit to letting him be our paper shredder for junk mail. I understand that it may be counterproductive b/c he has to learn some paper it is Ok to rip, as opposed to saying no paper should be ripped; but at an interim stage when nothing else was accepted as a substitute that is what we did. We just took all other paper out of reach and gave him our junk mail.

This is one example: http://www.amazon.com/SmallToys-Velcro- ... B00CJA3Y98 There are other dart board type things that may be helpful (maybe a series of them?) for instance, magnetic, suction, etc.

I'm wondering if velcro may help both the need to throw and the sound need (the tearing sound of velcro is very satisfying.)

DS did an OT therapy group called "How Does Your Engine Run" - I think there's a book, too. Basically, where we did it, they tried every single sensory activity they could think of and had a group of different kids rating each one. At the end of it we got a list of "alerting" activities (for when he needed to engage more) and "calming" activities that were taliored to him specifically - AND he got to see that all the other kids had completely different needs, which I think was helpful in some ways, too. I think it's a pretty common therapy but if you can't find it, I'm guessing you can find enough information to do something like it yourself.

The key is finding acceptable ways to meet your individual child's needs and unfortunately the best way to do that is trial and error - which takes a long time, but you do get pretty good results, IMO.

http://alertprogram.com/

Here is a link to the site Momsparky mentioned.

Thanks, ITT.

Momsparky, the key to solving my son's issues are to deal with his sensory processing challenges. He is constantly seeking / craving sensory experiences, and we've been at this for a long time now, so I am getting desperate to solve his SPD. I will look into this programme - hopefully it helps a lot !

Good luck! As someone who had pretty serious sensory issues as a child (I can manage them now, but I used to get welts from tags, zippers, wool - anything even a little poky, and still have horrible proprioperception) I sympathize with both of you.