Parent or child's responsibility?

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A quick question for you guys.

My daughters teacher complained to my today because she didn't have a jacket with her today and when I replied by saying "oh damn, I never realised because we left in a hurry" her reply was a firm "well, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure she took one, because you didn't, your girl had to stay inside all day whilst her classmates were outside!"

So, was teacher correct, is it my responsibility as her mother to make sure she had her coat or was it child's responsibility?

For what its worth, the child is 7yrs old and ALWAYS brings the jacket to school because its her favourite one, she just completely forgot this morning.

Both?
I had to remind both of our kids until they were maybe 11 to stop and check or at least watch to make sure they took that step. I used "check the weather" rather than remember a coat to try to get them to think through the steps and engage in the idea of the weather vs. what to wear. That at least involves something interesting and shows the logical steps of getting ready as an adult.

I still have this discussion with the 17 year old some times. A few days of being outside without a coat when she really needed one helped remind her why it is in her interest more than mine to stop and check the weather. Our weather is really unpredictable. It can be 70 and sunny and be snowing later in the day.

Both.

I think seven might be old enough to remember to bring their own jacket but with very young children, the parent should always bring their jacket. My son may not want his but I bring one anyway for in case he gets cold.

I reckon this story really just shows what a p**ck that teacher is. As a parent of a small child you are responsible for the wellbeing and guidance of your child, and to that end, ideally if you had noticed she had forgotten her jacket that day, you probably should have reminded her. That said,to paint this one-off act as a portrait of 'bad parenting' is ludicrous. Parents are humans too, and its a pretty minor issue.

^^^This

Getting a kid on the spectrum off to school sometimes is not the easiest thing, so it is really easy to forget something like a coat, if you or the child is having a touch morning.

Some kids, even NT ones are forgetful, so I think it depends on the child. For some kids (NT or not) you might want to make them responsible for their coat, if that is within their skills. Even if it is, they may forget and then they learn the consequences of forgetting, which could be a lesson a parent wants to teach. Some kids,even older than yours, are not ready for that.

I think the teacher was more annoyed she had to deal with it than anything. She could have called someone and asked to have her coat brought to school. That is what they would have done back when I was a kid, just like they did with forgotten lunch boxes.

Yep, I agree that the teacher was a bit harsh too, might have been because he had to look after a child instead of being in staffroom with his fellow teachers.

To make matters worse, the break time was spent with this teacher showing my girl how to fasten a jacket zip, that was another of his complaints, he said "you should be worried that at 7yrs old, your girl cannot zip a jacket by herself!!".

I just laughed at him and walked off!

At 7, I gotta say it's your responsibility. That said, no one's perfect and the teacher didn't have to be such a jerk about it. I bet some kid forgets something just about every day in his class. I wonder if he's always so rude to their parents.

As far as my experience, you are almost completely responsible through the end of second grade. And somewhat responsible until around 6th grade.

After that you may be responsible for fixing it if your child forgets something important or repeatedly forgets.

I would say that at the age of 7, it is your responsibility. You should encourage her to take responsibility, but if you notice she is leaving the house without a coat, you should prompt.

Throughout elementary school (through 5th grade here), I made it my business to prompt things like that. Once my son hit 6th grade (middle school), he was responsible for bringing a coat if necessary and was well aware that he would not be allowed outside during lunch if he didn't have it. For as forgetful as he is (and he is really forgetful) he has never forgotten it. I think part of the reason is that we watch the morning news while he eats breakfast, so he has the weather forecast fresh on his mind.

It is the parent's responsibility to make sure their child takes a jacket to school in cool weather.

At age 7 I would say it's mostly the parent's responsibility, especially in autumn where it starts getting colder, which the child may fail to take into consideration (unlike in winter where it should be obvious).

This morning I grabbed my son's coat and he said he didn't need it. I told him "I don't care if you don't need it, I am bringing it anyway."

It's cold out and autumn and what kind of parent would take their kid to school without a coat? My son also doesn't like to wear coats and he is NT but yet I still bring it because me might complain he is cold and it is my job as a parent to be sure he has a coat. So I will tell him "This will help keep you warm" and show him his coat. Also I don't even know if his teacher has a rule about having to wear a coat outside. We had that rule when I was his age, no one could go outside without a coat and it had to be properly on, zipped up or buttoned. One time I couldn't go outside because I didn't know how to zip it and the teacher was forcing me to so I was trying hard to zip it and there she was telling me to do it, I think she thought I was doing it on purpose or being stubborn, but trying to zip it was very hard for me and I was only four or five at the time. I would think it would be normal at that age to have a hard time zipping it and I finally did it and I was able to go outside. Or maybe her intent was to teach me to do it on my own and I finally did because I was forced to try or I couldn't leave class so it made me try. But sometimes we have to make our kids try on their own or suffer a natural consequence or how else would they learn?

Technically, providing a child the tools they need to get to school is the parents' responsibility.

That said, this teacher could have approached you in a much more collaborative way. Schools do have requirements they have to follow for kids to go outside, and the teacher could have told you that. The teacher also could have said "we all make mistakes, but I really would appreciate your help in making sure your daughter has her jacket, because we can't let her go to recess without one - and she really needs her recess."

Question is now, what do you do about it? Might not be a bad idea to politely let said teacher know that you have more on your plate than the average parent (assuming that since you are posting here) and that you'd appreciate some extra support if something slips through the cracks.

At 7, it's probably still mostly your responsibility to make sure they have the darn coat. They're getting close to being mature enough to remember, but they're not there yet.

My DS8(ADHD) will reliably remember his coat. If he can find one, he will put it on. He will even watch the weather report in the morning (or would until they put Pokémon on opposite the morning news, anyway) and get his own gear together. He generally keeps an extra fleece shoved in the bottom of his backpack (though he's not real sensitive to noticing whether it's covered in leaked milk and needs to be put in the laundry and replaced, lol), just in case.

Of course, this is a highly anxious kid who grew up during the height of my preparedness obsession. Also one who's sensitive to the cold (it was 27F this morning; I was wearing sandals and a light jacket and his words to me at the bus stop were, "We need to find my face mask."). Also one who suffered from having a Rabid Tiger Mother for a few years, and still has panic attacks at the thought of rocking the boat. I wouldn't expect most kids his age (with or without letters) to have it together that well.

My DD6 (no letters yet), on the other hand, would walk out barefoot and coatless into a blizzard if I didn't remind (and then probably force) her to put her shoes and coat on. There have been mornings when I gave up the fight (hoping shivering by the side of the road for 5 minutes will take some of the defiance out of her) and just jammed the coat into her backpack, but it's still my job to make sure she has it.

When I had a fifth grader and a kindergartener, as well as a 3-year-old and an infant, and a lot more mental health problems than I do now, I called the school and explained the situation, and arranged for permission for my son (then 5) to keep an extra coat, hat, and pair of gloves in his cubby at school. I may soon be doing the same thing with DD6, though for different reasons (her frank defiance making getting out the door a lot more difficult than it needs to be). Possibly an extra pair of glasses too, since she's farsighted (and only a little astigmatic) and refuses to wear them when she's not reading or writing. There have been about half a dozen days this year when I didn't notice until too late that she wasn't wearing them, and I wasn't able to take them to school for her later.

Regardless, forget happens. It happens to everyone. It happens to good parents, to attentive parents, and to organized parents. Some mornings, no matter how well you have it together, the s**t just hits the fan. They shouldn't have been so foul about it.

At the age of 7 she is probably old enough to start being responsible for some of her own things but probably not quite there yet....Perhaps it would be a good idea to just double check that she has her jacket before leaving.

I think the best way would be just remind her to grab her jacket or if your already out in the car have her go back in to get it so then she doesn't start depending on you to be entirely responsible for her jacket every day. I think 7 is old enough to get dressed and ready for school rather independently but that's still a young kid so even without autism or anything they will forget things sometimes.

I am no parent...but that is kind of what I am thinking looking back when I was 7.