How to talk to a teenager about Asperger's Syndrome

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I'm looking for advice on bringing up the subject of AS to my 13-year-old son. He was diagnosed about about 8 years old but we haven't yet told him about the diagnosis or what it means. Has anyone got an advice to offer on how to bring up the subject? My son is very defensive and usually refuses to talk about his feelings.

Sounds similar to me. I was ten when I was diagnosed, but my parents told me I think when I was fifteen. I already knew of course, because I had found some papers and heard conversations. But I am honestly angry at my parents for the way they told me. I of course denied it, rationalized it, and tried to end the conversation. They tried to prove a point to me, rather than acting like they wanted to help me. I hate them. I hate the thought now of discussing it with them. Finally, I am able to come here and actually discuss it, but I will never be able to with them. Thats only partially their fault, but if they had not tried to prove a point and done it in a very gentle way and not expected me to discuss it with them right then and accept it right away, maybe it would be easier. Don't expect your son to accept it. But give him the info. If he is like me, it will take years to acknowledge it, but don't think that becasue he wont accept it at the time you need to convince him. As an aspie, he is very intelligent and will eventually get used to the idea and accept it, even if it seems like your telling him has done nothing at first.

Then don't talk to him about his feelings; talk about his actions instead. Tell your son that Asperger's Syndrome is the reason why he does certain things, some of them even without realizing it. If he still seems hesitant, refer him to this site. Reading other people's personal accounts of life with AS will seem far more convincing to him than just talking about it. In either case, good luck.

I found that it helped telling my 11 yr old about his dx PDD-nos. Now he understands why he goes to all these appt's, before he would yell,"Why do you keep signing me up for this stuff". I didn't want him to use the dx whenever it would make his life easier, such as school work. I have had no problems with this, in fact I think it helped relax him. He has answers now on why he can't read, write, ect. I explained to him that I understand he doesn't like the appt's but that I was seeking the help for him now so that he would be a better adult. I also explained his problems with SID and I think it took the weight off him alot. I don't hear anymore, "I'm stupid" or "I can't and everyone else can". I just took advantage of a good day and casually talked, I made it positive but I also let him know that yes somethings are harder for him, we understand but that it doesn't mean he can give up. I told him I will continue to seek the help he needs but I need him to help.

feelings don't exactly make sense to my aspies...we try to talk about things in a more concrete manner, as someone above posted. talk about actions...and don't assume that he doesn't understand~he very well could understand much more than you expect.

Our son was dx'd at 10. He was suspicious of the whole thing from the gitgo, as he never goes to the dr to begin with (very healthy) but certainly not what he called the "yacky doc".

Once we got the dx we told him. I'd printed off some very positive info off the internet and told him he could read it when he felt like it. He was angry at first, and didn't want anyone to know - not even his little sister. He felt he was contagious. When he finally calmed down enough on the subject we talked, and he was much better. He's never once brought it up himself since (he's 12 now) and never used it as an excuse or reason.

Show him a webpage describing Asperger's Syndrome maybe?

you should of told him a long time ago, so i would take a shot this week as he needs to know

I just thought I'd say that I think you should use everything POSITIVE about the syndrome, as there are so many positive aspects. My son is 16 years old now, but since kindergarten he was diagnosed with ADHD. It wasn't until 4th grade that he was properly diagnosed, but they still had him on ritalin. He made his own decision to not take the medication anymore, because in his own words said "they made him feel like a different person...and I don't want to take them anymore." So, I took him off the medication per his request. I started immediately upon his diagnosis to explain his newly diagnosed syndrome. He knows he's not like everybody else..and I tell him that's ok! and that his uniqueness is one in a million. Always be positive...just as I tell him, although he always sees the glass as half full..and worries like an old man (about everything!) But I love him and explain that I will always be there for him, with him and all that good stuff (as long as the good Lord allows)...he loves that.

Anyway, good luck with your endeavor! I will say a prayer for y'all. Take care and God bless!

Just drop the bomb on him. It doesn't matter how old he is, he probably won't like it. I suppose if you tell him sooner rather than later he will have more time to adjust to it? It's best to just be straight and not try and sugercoat the whole thing, just tell him he'll be fine and many people have it, it's not something to worry too much about, but it helps to be aware of it.

I guess I'm going against the flow here, but I say don't tell him. I think when people know from a young age they have Aspergers then they have this excuse they use to condone their bad behaviors, become even more reclusive and refuse to get become a responsible adult. I say this because I have observed time and again us old farts who were diagnosed in our adult years usually have jobs and do not live with our parents, maybe even married with kids. But the younger ones are refusing to do these things because they think they don't have to. I just thought I was a weird freak so I just worked harder to get along with others and get a job. I think it was more benefitial to get diagnosed at 35.

hmm,

I did not find out about my diagnosis of 'higher functioning autism' until I was 11 or 12 by accident. I was living with my mother after she broke with my dad until I was 13. She never told me about that diagnosis. When moved to live with my dad, I think sometimes he used my condition as an excuse for some of my behavior, including being very asocial. Also he got me on the disability pension in the first place.

If I remained living with my mother, I dunno how my life would have been different. It could have been that she never have told me about my condition. Although it would have been a very painful process psychologically, I might have developed socially earlier than I did IRL.

I can't imagine not telling my son. As he's moved into middle school, it's allowed him to understand his own thought processes better, understand that he looks at things differently than others, and made him feel less "odd" and more "unique".

It has made him open to learning coping skills to get him through the day, so that when he gets a three page math test and he's going bleary eyed on problem number three he doesn't throw his pencil and start banging his head on the table anymore.

He finds other ways to release the anxiety and deal with it. Something I don't think he would have cared to address if he didn't understand about his Asperger's, which he now fully does. The words "because I have AS" have never come out of his mouth.

I believe we've made some good choices and right directions in raising him.

We told my son when he was diagnosed. He was glad to know that there is a reason why he is different.

If they're anything like me, give them literature. Just be prepared for a AS obession about being AS for a while!

I totally agree. I don't think aprents should hide it. That makes it seem like something shameful, and will confuse the kid. He's more likely to take it worse when told later. Most likely he'll feel betrayed because you didn't tell him. if he was still a child he'd probably accept it better.