Is it okay to feel angry sometimes...?

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...or does it just erode or destroy any sort of respect from others? I try to bite my tongue but I can only bottle it up for so long. When is it okay to speak your mind with regards to judgemental strangers, clueless relatives or unmotivated therapists?

Well, I think you are asking if it is OK to express your anger, not if it is OK to feel it, right?

It is a tricky question. From a purely pragmatic standpoint, more often than not, expressing excessive emotion is counter-productive b/c people doubt your character and professionalism. That said, this is not always the case, and sometimes not expressing some mild variant makes people think you are a weirdo robot. Society seems to have rules about when you are expected to express emotion and when you are not, and I find it hard to navigate.

Depending on the person you are talking with you also have to change the emotion to make it acceptable to express.. I have at times changed anger at someone's stupidity to bemused condescension at said stupidity in my head, knowing that expressing what I was really thinking would be really bad. I don't know if it was productive, but sometimes putting someone on the defensive can be the right move, which what I was aiming for at the time b/c I wanted to change the direction of the conversation.

When it comes to people closer to you, you can usually get away with a more honest (although maybe not full force) expression of what you are feeling. The relative (who is beyond attempts to educate) who tries to tell you how to parent, for example: You can take anger and dial it down to maybe irritation, and use sarcasm or maybe just a curt, dismissive, insincere, "I'll keep that in mind." Then vent later when that person is not there.

I don't think bottling it up is good, so sometimes you have to release some of the tension in milder ways in public and then deal with it later in your head. As you can tell, this is not something I am good at.

Good points ASD Mommy

I think it is just good that you are asking the question.
I think you do have to be careful to not burn any bridges. it is hard to understand us and our kids, I don't always understand myself.
This probably wont help, but here goes.
Just imagine if you don't react out of anger and the person gets to know you and your child and they realize the kindness you showed to them. That would make them more likely to be open minded not only for your child, but for other children.

We had one teacher in middle school that just does not understand our kids. She had my daughter 4 years ago and now she teaches my son. She thinks he tries to abuse his accommodations and maybe sometimes he does. sometimes my wife would like to tear her a new one (and she is quite gentle) but instead we have tried to work thru the very wonderful guidance counselor. I think a result of that is that the counselor asked my wife to be on a committee to help shape the way the counselors operate in the future. Also this counselor takes our son to clean out his locker each month trying to help him develop that discipline.

It is hard to turn the other cheek, but if you turn the cheek on 5 people and one slaps you but 2 learn how to better relate to Aspy kids or adults, I think that is making this a better world.

It's very hard not to feel caught up in wanting to fight the unfairness when school staff resist allowing the accommodations one's child is supposed to have.

I've been very unhappy and frustrated my kids both have teachers that act this way. I am trying to control my frustration and ask for help my child needs while they try to turn it into being about their knowledge and authority, when the issue really should be what the child's needs are. They resist that focus, and they feel criticized and get angry and scared, but keep trying to get people to focus on your child's needs. You are not the problem, they are not the problem, the child's disability is the problem.

I have noticed people who are accustomed to being aggressive when they need to be seem to do best pushing with schools .....gentle people like me often get eaten alive.

If you decide to get angry make a clear demand what you're asking for and have a clear path is all I can suggest. Don't be blindly angry. Make it count for something. But if you don't get angry much.....they've got a lot of experience...please be careful!!

Yeah, I know it's not good to just explode. i also know that sometimes diligence requires that you essentially become a burr in someone's backside so that things get done. Lord knows there have been times when I feel the Spurs in my side if I don't act in a timely manner. I guess I just need to find the right manner and place in which to vent.

I feel like this is a great place to vent. If you dont feel like making it public, just PM one of us.

Ok, then. Probably one of my biggest pet peeves has to do with family. I am SO sick of people who SHOULD have some emotional connection DON'T and offer uninformed advice they see on TV or the Internet instead of putting any real effort into understanding our son's own particular challenges. In fact, we have instead been shunned and are pitied from afar.

Even when they DO try to do something for us it's either too little or too late or even the exact WRONG thing to do. Too many times have I had to be satisfied with "I don't know how you do it, I never could."

I have to bite my tongue and not blurt out "that much is obvious" - and that's at the best of times when the subject of my son even comes up.

Even as I write this, I'm positively seething from a conversation I had with my 75 year old mother who witnessed an unfortunate meltdown and out of fear practically begged me to have him institutionalized. The real pity is that she's not the only one who feels that way - unfortunately, they're reacting emotionally and in response to a symptom of sensory integration disorder, frustration and anxiety fueled by an inability to communicate on his part and a tendency on their part to make snap judgements based on traditional sociological mores. Throw in sibling rivalry and a little brother with ADHD and vocal modulation issues (he's a Loud Louie) and conflicts are practically inevitable. What really hurts is that this came from a woman who was thrust into being a single mom with no supports by being widowed while I was very young.

The last thing I need is to be judged as either being a bad parent or living in denial. Back in the day it was called "keeping the faith." Nowadays it seems more like everybody's in it for themselves.

I ask you: WHO is being autistic? Those who are struggling to overcome neurologically-based challenges that are preventing them from "fitting in" or a society that is becoming increasingly Narcisistic and pushes "misfits" into isolation?

Sheesh!

I try not to get angry with people who are just ignorant/stupid.
Or old. My dad is 80 and says insulting things all the time. He gets a "codger pass", though truth be told he's always been pretty rude.