Moving with kids on the spectrum

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Hi all!! It's been a while since I've been on here. I want you to know that this place has always been such a source of good insight. I recommend it to people all the time. I should come read what people are talking about more often!!

Today I'm coming on here to get some opinioins/insights on moving with kids on the spectrum.

My husband has just been offered a job in a new city. My kids are ages 6 and 9 and both Aspies. We have a good community here. We've made a good life and they are making some friends (though, I'm thinking my 6 year old girl might have some trouble with her friends as social life becomes more complicated). Anyway, the job was something that he wasn't looking for. They came to him, asked him to apply and made a reasonable offer. It would be moving us from a college town where we've laid down some roots for the last 5+ years to Philadelphia where housing is affordable and so many awesome things are within two hours on a train or in a car. NYC, DC, the beach, mountains... I mean... it sounds dreamy to me. And I think that without kids, it would be a no brainer. We are leaning toward taking the opportunity, I just am so anxious about making my kids start over since making friends doesn't come as easy to them.

Anyone have experience moving with their grade school aged aspies? How was the transition? Truth be told, I am so outgoing, I offer playdates and get to know parents and they are still young enough for me to do that... so, this is probably prime time if we are going to move. After they get a little older, I won't be able to intervene at all... So, I sorta feel like transition would be easier now rather than later... I also think I might be way overthinking this and that ultimately, transition is something we all have to deal with at some point or another and a new place with all the opportunities living in that region has to offer would be so silly to pass up.


Any thoughts?

How happy your kids are after the move will depend largely on the quality of support at their new school.
Unless you plan to homeschool, in which case I think you'll have little trouble.

I can see that. The school environment will matter a lot. I am not super interested in homeschooling. My kids actually crave a lot of social interaction, but they aren't great at making it happen. So, school is a must for making connections!

Disclosure: I'm probably an Aspie, though not officially diagnosed.

We moved a LOT when I was a kid and I hated it. It seemed like every time I made a new friend (because that could take years) we went somewhere else. That said, if you're going to move I would do it while they're young. The teenage years are too turbulent, full of self-exploration, etc. You don't want them trying to make new friends on top of that. If you do move then your plan of coordinating playdates and getting to know the neighbors is helpful. Do everything you can to help them make friends. Push them a bit out of their comfort zone, just not too much. Bit by bit. Help them find kids who have similar interests. My mom was always shoving me into activities like Girl Scouts where everyone knew each other and there was an established (very foreign to me) culture. I remained an outsider and it wasn't helpful because I had nothing in common with the other girls.

Make sure they have familiarity after the move. Unpacking can take a while so it's essential to have a box or two of comforting items that are accessible to ease the transition. Help them by talking about it in advance, visiting and/or showing them pictures of the new place beforehand, etc. The more you prep them the easier it will be.

Karen,

Thanks for your reply! Those are the things I wanted to hear. We have to make a decision in the next couple of days on whether or not we uproot our family. It's tough!! We are literally flip flopping every hour! Of course, we're still waiting to hear back from his current job about any counter offers they may have.

Thanks. Although it was rough on my social life I did enjoy many other aspects of seeing new places. Two years were spent in Virginia, which gave me a lot new experiences outside of my native California that I wouldn't had otherwise- like snow and having a forest in my backyard. I didn't want to move back (not that I ever wanted to move, but I particularly liked that house). I don't blame my parents- it is what it is- though my mother blames my stunted social skills on all the moving we did.